Operation: Dard and Devotion

43 | Heartache & Hardship

Bingo.

The Ahsan that Hydar was speaking of and the Ahsan I was thinking of was the same person.

"Why are you so curious about him?" Hydar asked, breaking me away from my reverie, and smirked slightly. "You think he's cute? Maybe I can ask around for his contact info and I can set you two up."

I swallowed hard, blinking away hot tears. "N-no need for that n-now," I told him, falling to the ground next to where he was seated.

"Hey, did I say something wrong?" He gently pried my hands away from my face. "What's the matter?"

"H-haven't you watched the news lately?"

He scoffed lightly. "I haven't even checked any social media site in the past week, let alone watch the news."

After wiping my eyes with the heels of my hands, I knelt until I was just below his eye level. Angling his laptop to face me, I took my time to type, Ahsan Razak, in the search bar. The webpage loaded rather quickly with over a million hits. I clicked on the topmost news article and turned the laptop back to my brother, motioning for him to read. I watched Hydar intently, observing his blank expression slowly morph into one of horror. After staring at the photos of the fourteen executed militants that were accompanied by the pictures of the hostages, which included myself, Hydar turned his head to face me.

He roughly ran his hands through his hair, resting his elbows on his desk and holding up his head. "He...you...I've run out of words!"

"He wasn't as bad as the others, really," I managed to mumble, having trouble saying his name out loud. "He just repented too late."

Hydar glanced at me with uncertainty. "You know, I can't fully accept that until you tell me your side of the story."

"Okay," I said after a moment. "But you can't interrupt or ask anything until I'm done. Just listen."

He agreed, nodding. "Just as long as I get the unabridged version."

"You'll be sitting here for a while though."

"Fine by me," he said, getting up and plopping on the foot of his bed. "If this is gonna take some time, might as well sit somewhere comfortable."

I followed him, sitting on the opposite side and tucking my legs under me. "Don't you have a research paper to do or something?"

"Eh, screw it. You're more important." Hydar waved his hand aimlessly, and gave me a small, crooked grin. "Plus, I'm a genius; I can get that paper done in no time afterwards."

If I was feeling my usual self, I would have at least smiled at that. I just didn't have the heart to show any positive emotion. His face grew serious as he sensed that I was struggling to find words.

I told my older brother everything, from the emotionless phone call I had with mama at the airport to my dead emotions after Ahsan had been hung. I told him about everything in between. I told him about the Yassar and Rafaa, and their family's hospitality. I told him about the school children and the massacre. I told him about having been drugged and then waking up in a damp cave with Rafaa and about half of the children. I told him about how Faizan had killed children as a means to get me to accept an alliance with Ahsan. I told him about Ahsan's odd behavior when he had helped me, albeit in a distant, cold manner.

I told him about all of the civilians at the church's sanctuary. I told him about Shudun and her wretched business of buying and selling people. I told him about Zaakhir's hatred towards all non-Muslims and how he had almost raped me. I told him about how Ahsan had given me a baby boy to watch and that I had called him Saad. I told him that Ahsan had helped me during the time of my period, but I did not delve into details of that incident. I told him about the time Faizan had made me watch homosexual men being thrown down from a building simply because of their sexuality.