All That's Left (The Walking Dead FanFiction)

Chapter 44

I stare at the wall.

I have nothing better to do. Sam is at daycare. I got off work two hours ago. The dog sits next to me. I think he's slightly alarmed that I've been sitting in the same position for so long. He stares at me with wide, dark eyes and whines. I scratch his head.

I miss Daryl. I miss him so much. He's been gone for almost two months now. And I've known that—I've known that he's been gone. But for some reason in this moment I really feel it. I really feel alone. In this moment, it takes so much more effort for my heart to beat because I've lost almost everything that kept it beating.

Daryl being gone feels like I have this cement block that's attached to my heart. It goes everywhere I go; it never leaves. It forces me to think about what the rest of my life will be like. I don't know how I'm going to raise Sam. I never wanted to be a parent. Most days I can hardly take care of myself. And now I'm stuck with Sam for the rest of my life. I love him, I really do. I'm just not cut out to care for him. But there's nothing I can do. I can't give him away like he's some puppy. Even though he does deserve better than anything I could ever give him. I don't know what to do anymore. All I know is that I need Daryl with me. I'll spend the rest of my life wanting Daryl with me.

It's almost time to pick up Sam, so I rise to my feet. I put the leash on Biter and we begin our short walk to the daycare center. The weather outside is warm. I don't even need a jacket anymore. Biter trots happily beside me, his mouth wide open. He's grown on me these past two weeks since Luke gave him to me and Sam. Most days I hate walking outside because I'm always afraid I'll run into Eli.

We arrive at Ruth's house just after a few minutes of walking. She's sitting on the porch steps. Her dark hair is pulled back and her brown skin seems to glimmer in the sunlight. She greets me with a smile. "How're you, Macy?" she asks.

Biter tugs on the leash, wanting to run around with the kids in the yard. "I'm fine," I answer. "You?"

She gets to her feet. Walks toward me. "I want to ask you something. And I don't want you to get mad with me when I ask you."

"Just ask it." I stare at her skeptically.

"Sam looks quite a bit like you. But he calls you Macy. Never calls you mom. Why is that?"

I stare past her, completely caught off guard by her question. I'm scared if I say anything to her, they'll take Sam away. Which is ridiculous. Ruth would never let that happen. I just don't understand why she wants to know or why she cares to know. "He's not mine," I respond.

"Where're his parents?" she questions. Like my answer hardly surprises her at all. A little girl approaches Ruth and latches onto her leg.

"His mom is dead, and his dad is missing," I say.

"I'm sorry to hear that. He's very lucky to have you."

I laugh. "I guess so."

"You don't agree?" She raises an eyebrow.

"I'm not really mother material, Ruth," I try to explain.

"He loves you, you know? He loves you just as much as any of these kids here love their mother."

As if on cue, Sam comes bolting through the front door, races down the porch steps, and wraps his arms around my leg as he chants, "Macy! Macy! Macy!"

I lift him off the ground. "Hey you."

Ruth bends down to scratch Biter's ears. The little girl reaches out to pet him too. Ruth looks up at me. "What're you doing tomorrow afternoon?"