Senior Year

Chapter 23 - Grief, Good Guys and Gangs

Chapter 23 - Grief, Good Guys and Gangs
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Without having the guys around me all the time is a little weird to adjust to. It's nice having some time to myself, don't get me wrong, but I feel somewhat lost not having them with me.

I spend the next few days doing things that I want to do. I bake with Mom, I draw, I do the grocery shopping, I go for jogs, but none of it really makes me... happy? Even though I don't feel up to going out on extravagant trips with them, I find myself missing Tyler and Erica an awful lot.

Even though I try not to think about him, I must admit, I miss Jace too. Even just thinking his name makes me want to call him, but I can't. I've been hurt too many times recently to just forgive him in an instant. It doesn't stop me, however, casually driving past his house a few times on my way back from the grocery store. Call me a stalker, I don't care, I just miss him. 

I told Mom the whole story about Jace. The first night in the café, the tattoos - which she was surprisingly okay about, after reassuring her for about an hour that it wasn't a mistake - the theme park where I split open my lip. Everything. We both cried, and Mom made me hot chocolate. But, still, it didn't help as much as it should have. I still feel like an idiot. How stupid must I look to everyone at my school, for thinking I somehow managed to change Jace. I didn't, not really. Sure, I thought he was leaving behind his negative ways, but he wasn't. The whole time we dated, he was part of his father's gang, doing who knows how many illegal things.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

It's been five days since my birthday, and I haven't spoken to Kayleigh about what happened, yet. She came home on my third day back, but I stayed in my room until Mom told me it was time for dinner. Kayleigh skipped the meal. The next day, I got Mom to take my food to my room for me. This has been happening ever since. Sure, it's kind of petty and immature, but I just can't stand the thought of being near her yet.

Mom had a talk with her, and pretty much told her how much of a disappointment she is. According to Mom, she just sat and took it, didn't even try to justify her actions. This gave me probably the smallest ounce of respect for her, for not making up excuses.

Snapping back to reality, I check the time on my phone: 12:53.

After having spent the morning lounging around in my room, I decide it's probably time to go and do something, even if it's just go downstairs and watch TV. I stand up from my bed and walk over to my desk, and pick up my bag, which is a simple, brown leather, long strapped, handbag, that holds my car keys and money. As I lift it up, I take a closer look at the photographs hanging from the string on the wall. I see snaps of Erica and I, Tyler, all of us laughing. I assume that Mom got them from my Facebook page, because they're ones that I took whilst staying with Erica.

There are even ones of Jace and I, and for a second I contemplate taking them down, but I leave them be.

Because I miss him.

I check my reflection in the mirror, quickly, and smile at how I look. My hair's longer, hanging now at the small of my back, and I've left it natural. I don't think I've touched my hair straighteners for a month. My makeup is minimal, some faint blush, eyeliner and mascara. On my feet I wear a pair of scruffy, old, brown Doc Martens, which I love. A baggy, cream sweater hangs loosely across my body, sliding off of one shoulder. Under it, lies the locket that Jace gifted me. As I said - I miss him. The sweater meets my mid thigh, and almost hides the pair of light-washed shorts that hug my legs tightly, but are still comfortable. I brush my hair off my shoulder and walk out of my room, shutting the door behind me.

"Mom!" I call, walking into the kitchen. I freeze.

"S-she's gone to the store," Kayleigh stutters, one hand on the counter, the other hanging limply by her side.