The broken submissive (slow updates)

Rules

Warning: there will be a trigger warning for anyone with depression. You have no idea how hard it was to right this chapter since I want to do this to myself.
Jane's pov:
I woke up before mistress and couldn't deal with the fact that I disobeyed her and that she wasn't going to punish me for it. Then the perfect idea came to my mind. If mistress won't punish me then I'll punish myself. Where do people keep the knives... I believe they're kept in a place called the kitchen. Yes the kitchen I'll go to the kitchen and grab a knife and punish myself. This is full proof. After 10 minutes of searching for the kitchen I finally found it. I hope I can remember where mistress' bedroom is. Anyways I searched all the cabinets and finally found some knives. No I've never used them for eating I just know what they are from punishments. I take out a really big one (with a 9 inch blade) and put it to my forearm. Well it's no or never. I make 1 cut then 2 cuts then 3 cuts all the way up to 10 cuts. Then I hear a scream and loud footsteps. I don't think anything of it probably just another slave getting punished. Then I hear the footsteps get closer to the kitchen till their right behind me. I turn around and see mistress standing there.

Katelyn's pov:
I woke up accepting to see my baby sleeping next to me but instead am met with empty sheets. I run to the bathroom and the closet and become even more worried when I see that she isn't in either. I run out into the hallway and scream because I'm so worried. I run downstairs and search everywhere except the kitchen. Where could she be? I finally check the one place I hadn't checked, the kitchen. I immediately run to the kitchen and what I see is absolutely heartbreaking. My baby is standing there with a knife put up to her arm and there's blood on the tiles so I have no doubt that she cut herself. She turns around and when she sees me she gasps and puts her hands behind her back. I run up to her and immediately she goes down into submissive position.
"Baby stand up and let me see your arms" I say gently but at the same time sternly. As soon as then words left my mouth she was up on her feet, but she hesitated to show me her arms. When she finally did I saw that the knife was still in her right hand and that her left arm was covered in all fresh still bleeding cuts.
"Oh baby why would you do this to yourself and answer me truthfully" I said to her gently tears filling my eyes and the horrible scene that is her arms.
"M-mistress I-I's t-thought t-that i's makes y-you's happy by p-p-punishing m-e." She stubbled through her words and even though her grammar is a little messed up because she received no schooling, I still was able to understand what she meant.
"No baby I would never want for you to hurt yourself let alone punish yourself I'm the only one allowed to punish you but I will do it fairly and not beat you to the edge of your life. Now come here so we can clean up your cuts and then we'll go over the rules okay."
"Y-yes m-mistress."
I guided her over to the sinks and told her that it was going to sting before I quickly got to work cleaning her cuts. At first she winced from the water making contact with her fresh wounds but quickly stopped and put on a blank face. Once that was done I walked her upstairs to our room and into the bathroom where I bandaged up her cuts. Once that was done I picked her up and walked out of the bathroom. I walked over to the bed and placed her on it. I kneeled down in front of the bed then sat on the flour wanting to see what her reaction would be. She looked confused at first but then 3 seconds later her eyes were blown wide open and she began hyperventilating. Even though she was having an anxiety attack she still kept to her training and didn't move or question me. Deciding that, that was enough for today I got up and held her in my arms. She was thrashing around at first until she realized it was me and calmed down immediately. I kissed the top of her head and began to tell her the rules.
"Rule #1 you must eat at least 3 decent sized meals. #2 always be honest with me. #3 must take a shower or a bath every day. #4 go outside and play/get exercise everyday for at least 30 minutes. #5 tell me how you feel every night and how you thought your day was. #6 must tell me what you liked, didn't like, and what hurt after every scene we do. If any of these rules are broken on purpose I will punish you immediately. That's all for now sweetheart do u understand use your words. And if you don't that's ok we can go over them again."
"Y-yes mistress I-I's under-stand's." She said quickly clearly wanting to please me with her answer.
"Baby are you sure and be honest I want to make sure that you understand and are comfortable with the rules."
"Don't w-worry I-i's the o-okays."
I realized that it was 8:30 am and that we hadn't eaten so I got up and picked Jane up and went down the stairs to the kitchen. I put all the knives in a baby-proofed area. Then I got started on making us some scrambled eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Even though I'm rich I still cook all my meals. Once that was done I set it on 2 plates and carried both the plates to our spots at the bar counter. Then I went over and got Jane and brought her over so she could eat with me.
"Jane have you ever had eggs, bacon, and or pancakes?" I asked her genially wanting to know but then remembering to add "And answer me truthfully you know what I told you would happen if you lie."
"N-no m-mistress I-I-I's the s-s-sor-rys." She responded hanging her head low in shame. It was so adorable that it toke all of my self control not to cue at her and then kiss her.
"Well baby now you get to try tell me how it is and answer truthfully cuz I'm trying to get my bacon down perfectly."
I did not however expect what happened. Jane didn't even bother to make an effort to even try it. Not even after I should her how to use the fork, and spoon. No knives not after our little scare this morning. I thought that maybe she was nervous so I tried to feed her myself but she still wouldn't eat it.
"Baby why won't you eat?" I asked her in a worried voice.
"M-me no e-e-eat. Me d-don't did i-it." She said her grammar getting worse as she tries to justify her answer.
"Baby remember the rules, you have to eat 3 meals a day. It is required it's for your own health. Can you tell me why you don't want to eat?"
"M-me-e no-o e-eat a-t s-sh-op." She replied clearly upset as of she had disappointed me somehow.
"Baby it's okay just try to eat for me." She nodded and over the next 2 hours little by little we got done with breakfast. It would have been faster but she was being a little stubborn because of the fact that she doesn't like to eat. And because her stomach wasn't used to consuming so much food. And then I noticed Jane had fallen asleep so I took her upstairs and laid her in bed. After a kiss on the forehead I turned off the lights and shut the door. Ugh. Time to go do some boring interview for some new employe.

Sorry for taking a break I had an episode of depression and I had a really hard time writing this. I hope it was good. Pm me if you would like to talk or are looking for a sub/kitten/little.