Fake Smiles (Jaele)

God Help Me

As I get a grip on the. My hand is shaking like crazy. As I move the blade closer to my wrist memories flood back.... Screaming, yellling, crying, death, hate, fake smiles.... Lots of fake smiles...

My life is such a mess. I thought that getting this part might actually make my life better especially since Jace was gonna be on the show as well... but no! It's made my life so much worse! I just don't understand! Everyone hates me but I don't get why I mean what did I do to them? I get that a lot of people have Jace as their celebrity crush (including me) but that doesn't mean that they have to destroy me. They think of me as competition but that's really weird considering the fact that they're always telling me how ugly I am. They've said it so much that I've started believing them. That scares me... If I give into hate then I don't know who I am. I'm Riele West Downs. The girl who doesn't care what think of her. It's a lie! All of it! Now that's all I care about. I still feel that that I have to change to meet everyone's expectation but they're still not satisfied. I'm so confused... If I'm myself people hate me but if I try to be someone else then people still hate me.

Then it happens... The blade moves across my wrist in one swift motion and the blood pours out of my skin..... I don't stop there I make another 4 on that wrist, 5 to the other wrist, 2 on each thigh and one big one my stomach...

So that's what it's like.... Now I understand.... People cut to let out feelings.... I never understood before now... but I guess you can never properly understand something unless you have some experience with it...

I look at myself in the mirror and see dried blood on my wrists. God that's scary... I immediately wash my wrists. I'll do the rest at home. I take another look in the mirror and see no dried blood on my wrists but I still see scars... *sighs* What have I become?

I put the blade down and walk over to the corner of the room. I slide down the wall and put my face in my hands. A billion thoughts are racing through mind. What if someone notices these scars? What if catches me cutting? What if that person is Jace? How will he react? Will Jace still want to my friend? What if someone tells Dan? Will he kick me off the show? Will they kill off Charlotte or find a replacement? What if someone catches me and posts pictures of it online? What if-

Knock Knock knock

My thoughts are cut off by a knock on the door.

Jace: Hey Riele Dan wants to talk to us

Riele: Kk

I open the door and almost immediately close it. We walk in silence until we find Dan.

Riele: Hey Dan you wanted to see us?

Dan: Yeah it's nothing very important I just wanted to know if it would be ok with you guys if I made Chenry happen. The fans have been waiting forever for this to happen and we're starting to lose viewers because the fans are giving up on Chenry which means we might not get another season. You'd have to hug more, 1 or 2 kisses etc etc.

I hesitate slightly. I mean Jace and I only just said that we'll be friends I'm not sure if us acting like a couple on the show will be weird.

Jace: Sure! It's not like it will mean anything!

I look down for a second. Don't judge me.... Hearing those words come from his mouth just.... Hurts... A lot.

I'm suddenly snapped back into reality. I look up, fake the smile and nod.

Dan: Great! You can go now but be back in 30.

So... I'm an actress that's cutting and self harming who has to act like she's in love with the boy that she's actually in love with... Wow! What a life! I only have 3 words... God help me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hiya!
Don't hate me for making Riele do that... I have everything planned out and trust this won't be for long... I just wanna take this opportunity to say thank you to everyone who reads this! I honestly didn't think that this was a good book and that i couldn't write but you have all helped me! You help inspire and motivate me when I'm writing these chapters and I love you all!
Shohini<3