A Nobodies Heart

Chapter Fourteen: Stage Exits

 

When I woke up, I was standing precariously on the ledge of my ten story apartment building. Just allowing the wind to lightly push me around; I didn’t know how I got here but it must have been during the time I was in that flashback. I gazed around at the scenery that surrounded my apartment building. I lived in a real slum part of Miami; where drug trafficking wasn’t monitored and buildings were crumbling bit by bit each day. Again that monochrome vision of mine returned. I didn’t like how my brain perceived things. Everything seemed to emit a bad aurora…an aurora that made me felt hated.

 

I was surprised and almost flattered to see a small crowd of people forming below me. They were all peering up at me, trying to communicate with me. But, I couldn’t hear a single word they were saying. All I could feel was that awful aurora. It was stabbing through my chest like darts being thrown straight through me. And with each dreadful aurora being sent through me; it carried a set of words.

‘’Monster.’’

‘’It’s people like you that don’t belong.’’

 My heart started racing again. I turned my head away from the crowd and vomited on the ledge. Their harrowing thoughts and words made me feel light-headed. But above all, I was stricken with fear that they were cheering me on to jump. I don’t know why though. I hadn’t done anything bad. I am good person! All I ever did was smoke some drugs and give the cold shoulder to most of society but it’s not like I was hurting anyone!

 

‘’You don’t know why they hate you?’’

I turned to my left and there was Emily. Just standing next to me looking down at the people. I was hallucinating real bad this time but for once it was something good. As it gave me a sense of fulfilment because finally my girlfriend had returned from the dead and is in my time and age.

‘’Why do they hate me?’’ I almost begged her. I felt like I was begging to hear the answer to life. Something we discussed upon our first meeting.

‘’Remember what I said before I died?’’

‘’I can’t...’’ I muttered.

‘’Sure, you can. You were living it before.’’ She smiled.

I cried because I hadn’t seen that smile in a year. I hadn’t seen that lively smile of hers since the day I had my accident…that’s when it occurred to me. I knew the answer to why everyone hated me. I grabbed my head and dug my nails into my skull.

‘’I murdered you...’’ I whispered.

‘’I don’t believe that Lucas. Because everything happens for a reason and everyone has an expiry date. Some end quickly and others live a long happy life.’’ She enlightens me with her wisdom once more. It had been too long since I have heard her share some of that wisdom she was magically born with. But, I did. I really did murder my only girlfriend. Why it took me this long to realise it I don’t know but now that I do I feel as if I have gotten away with the perfect murder and should rot away in the darkest and truly terrifying prison to ever exist…Hell.

‘’If I could make a deal with God, I would swap our places…’’ I confessed.

‘’Why do you say that, Lucas?’’ She almost sounded concerned. 

‘’Because I am a truly disgusting human and shouldn’t have existed in the first place. You are fascinating, graceful and admirable. You had so much potential in life, Emily. I truly believed that. Someone as wonderful as you shouldn’t have their life ended so young. You were cheated of a life and I was just left on earth to be tortured.’’

‘’Do you remember the review I gave you back in Art Interpretation class at university? All those years ago?’’ Emily deferred away from the original topic.

‘’You weren’t in that class with me…’’

‘’ ’This drawing (Living Wasteland) explores the hidden brain damage in which the world inflicts on humans. The unknown female in the drawing appears to be suffering from heavy brain/head trauma. Further showing the pain Earth puts the unknown female through. 

 

Although, there is no clear link between the Earth and the characters head damage; the artist has shown the character walking through what appears to be acid water. This is evident through the lack of the lower body.

 

Viewers can see the drawing slowly piecing together as the wicked looking circle in the upper left corner represents what appears to be the Earth. The words written within and around the Earth are the various sins and unholy things that have been spread throughout humanities history. Listing the plague and such events like the rapture. 

 

The flame/aurora spiralling from the Earth and to the acid water is serving as a fuel to power the acid water and burn the humans and infecting their brains.’’ She recited the review word by word and as she was speaking, I could remember nervously watching a girl reading off a notebook. The girl had always been a blur to me but now an image of Emily was flickering in the spot where the mystery girl stood. 

The wind was picking up; lightly tossing me backwards and forwards. It felt as if the wind/God wanted to cut the talking and just jump already. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath then slowly releasing it. It was a jagged release because my nose was blocked. When I opened my eyes my monochrome vision had changed from shades of grey to pure black. I spread my arms out and curled my toes on the edge. I looked out to the horizon and watched the sunset.

What an iconic/ironic death…dying at sunset.

‘’I never pitted you, Lucas. I only wanted to make you happier. I had hoped that befriending you would make your artwork more pleasant to review. However, I slowly fell in love with you. I knew it was you because you were the only one watching me speak to the class about your art work.’’ She started walking closer to me. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. My heart was violently pounded on my rib cage…it’s trying to push me over the edge too.

‘’If you managed to survive this long without ending your life; why do it now?’’ Emily asked.

‘’I honestly don’t know how I survived this long.’’ I tried smiling but I wasn’t happy. I felt completely drained of emotions. ‘’There was always something missing; and I can’t believe it took me this long to realise it…that you’re the missing piece. I wanted to keep my promise to you and live a long life. But, it’s not possible to live while the ghost of my past continues to haunt me.’’

I looked down at the sea of people forming down below. I watched the blood drip off the tips of my fringe and fly down onto the people.

I took a deep breath.

‘’You don’t have to do this. You can rebuild yourself and live a long happy life’’ Emily said.

‘’There is no future without you, Emily.’’ I shouted over the raging wind.

‘’You promised you wouldn’t kill yourself.’’

‘’I am sorry, Emily. But, I guess promises are meant to be broken after all.’’ Those were my last words to her and probably the last outspoken words I will ever say. I leaned my body over edge and was rapidly falling to the ground. I had my eyes open the entire time because I wanted to see how much closer I was getting towards my not so fashionable death. In a matter of seconds; the sidewalk of 5th street will became home to my final art piece. With all my viewers witnessing every step of the process; I wonder…what their views and thoughts will be once it’s completed.

 

Will they like it?

Or

Will they hate it?

 

Oh wait…I haven’t even given it a title yet:

 

‘’The Nobody’s Heart’’ by Lucas Reed.