A Nobodies Heart

Chapter Eight: Taking Trips

It was already nine o'clock. When I finally snapped out of it.

I had been travelling down memory lane for four hours straight.

Every memory that flashed back into my mind carried pain. Even the good ones.

What Emily said about creating good memories to replace the old ones...worked.

But not for long.

Because it was she who made me forget the old ones; she helped me realise that life isn’t all doom and gloom but can be something truly beautiful and wonderful. When I was with her, I felt like I was a whole new person and wasn’t the Lucas who hated the world but the Lucas who thought the world was alright.

She was making a better person each and every day.

''WHY COULDN'T I CONTROL MYSELF!’’ I screamed as loud as I could, not caring who heard me through the walls. I grabbed my hair and dug my nails into the side of my head. The tears started pouring out uncontrollably. ''I just wanted to live a normal life with you, Emily...'' I cried.

But normal was never something I specialised in.

I can’t be normal.

I can only be dark and deplorable.

I ventured outside on to the balcony and loosely hung my body over the railing. It felt like all the possible bad memories and emotions were clashing with each other in my head. Another memory surfaced and bought a whole new sort of pain.

It was a week after my birthday when Emily and I decided to ditch college and move to Tampa together.

We were officially a couple.

And I couldn't have been any happier.

We didn't have any plans for the future, job wise that is. We just wanted to move away from Miami and start a new life together. Free from family, any friends we may have had (which was mostly for Emily) and more importantly any bad memories. We lived in a one bedroom house with two bathrooms. It wasn't exactly paradise but we didn't care. We were already there, mentally. My parents gave me the remaining money from my college fund account to use for rent and any other additional costs. They weren’t exactly supportive of my idea to move away from Miami. They felt that my usual ways of not wanting to work for money and generally being anti-social would drive me onto the streets and into a homeless bum. However, after a bit of arguing and relatively calm talking, they said they would give me the rest of my college fund. This was $40,000.

I usually hated long drives because it inevitably meant that I was trapped in a car for hours; bored out of my mind. The scenery after a while felt like a repeat of what you’d just seen...tree after tree after fucking tree. My parents had this tradition of taking me to a different city each weekend. They wanted me to experience Florida at its finest via visiting all its 'iconic' cities/towns. Funnily enough though, we never went to Tampa; which is probably one of the most entertaining cities in Florida for kids; filled with FUN theme parks. I guess it was too fun because mum and dad always took me to the more historical cities of Florida.

I thought weekends were meant to be a break from school?

However, driving with Emily wasn't like driving with my family. I actually wanted to be trapped in the car with her for hours. I didn't look out the window; instead I looked at her...which never seemed bore me. There was something about her driving spirit that entertained me and made me smile...I remember she once explained to me why she enjoyed road trips: