A Nobodies Heart

Chapter One: An Apartment Life

A Nobodies Heart

Chapter One: The Apartment Life

No one will be home when I arrive...

The house will be empty...

So, why do I keep on thinking someone will be there? No one will be there, because I live alone; always have and always will. That's just the way I am......I can't function with other human beings. They simply don't understand my complex personality.

Still...

I hope for a young female with gorgeous green eyes and honey blonde hair, to be there at the door when I walk through. Shining those sugar white teeth of hers, in a smile that truly melts your heart: She will say in her beautiful British accent: ''Welcome home, honey. I missed you'' followed by a hug. I will simply reply: ''It's good to be home''. She will giggle and we will walk into the living room, holding hands. Where I will smell dinner already cooking...Roast pork is on the menu tonight. I will comment on how scrumptious it smells and again she will giggle. Our eyes will meet and exchange a few emotion-filled gazes. I will pull her closer to my body and brush her hair behind her ears- before kissing her.

However...

There will not be a young female with gorgeous green eyes and honey blonde hair waiting for me when I enter through the door. Instead, there will be water stained walls and that putrid smell of a rotting rat carcass [that I have been meaning to track down and remove for months]. The only smile I will see when entering the front door is mine; in a photograph of me receiving my senior certificate from my grade twelve year coordinator. Not a smile melts your heart but instead makes you question whether I ever heard of dental hygiene. Dinner won't be cooking when I walk into my living room. It probably won’t be as glorious as roast pork either. I pride myself on the self-given title of ‘Professional Two Minute Noodle Cooker’. What can I say…I am a mean two minute noodle cooker! I dare you to find anyone better than me. And as for those ‘emotion filled gazes’ it won’t be warm and fuzzy feelings I will receive. Instead, it will be me staring at a photo of myself, wishing I wasn’t like him.

Why?

Because my life is a failure; I believe I was the prototype to a perfect human......missing many vital things such as happiness and success. No one loves me. Sure, I have family but

Why aren't they here? Maybe because I sent them away.

Why did they always try and control the way I chose to live my life? Perhaps it’s because I am hopeless at it myself.

Why did they never support me in my endeavours? Probably because I didn’t have any to begin with

Friends? Haha…man I crack myself up! Yeah, I had friends. Emphasis on the word ‘had’. During junior high, I kind of just drifted around from group to group. You know, trying to find where I best fit. That’s when I came to the realisation that I really don’t fit in. I ain’t saying this to make myself seem like I was a moody teen and thought the world was out to get me. No no no! I am being dead serious when I say that I didn’t fit in. Remember how I said I have a complex personality? Well, what I really meant by that was that I thought of things that people didn’t like. When someone was telling me about how much they loved this boy or that girl…I was listing in my head all the reasons why I hated that particular person. When friends were cheering up others because they went through a harsh break-up…I was keeping my distance because I hate dealing with emotional wrecks. When people were grouping together for projects…I was deliberating making myself invisible because I knew I worked better by myself.