A Nobodies Heart

Chapter Seven: Rewinding Pain

It was the morning of my birthday. Emily and I had been friends for six months. We had plans for the morning and afternoon; she told me that she would wear her special birthday costume. I would be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to seeing that...automatically my brain switched into perverted boy mode and I imagined her rocking up to the train station in a really short demin mini skirt and a tight white blouse which highlighted her boobs. I wasn’t a fan of birthdays, because it usually meant spending a day with relatives from around the country eating food that was only edible for those without teeth. Also, I couldn’t understand why you would celebrate the day were brought into this world. It’s kind of pointless if you ask me. It’s like:

‘’Hey! Congrats! You have spent eighteen years on this god forsaken wasteland! Here accept these five pairs of socks and underwear! Because we noticed that your Mount Everest sized pile is looking little dull without these fluoro coloured ones’’     

 

Once I met Emily, everything changed for me so that included my view on birthdays. She taught me that it was to celebrate surviving in a world filled with so many imperfections and tragedies. Because not everyone lives to be eighteen. So with that new found perspective, I grew to love birthdays! But this day had another meaning to me too…perhaps a meaning more important than the day I turn eighteen.

 

It started off like any other morning. She would wait for me at the train station, in the same spot. As always, I would spy on her before greeting her. Something felt a little strange and she wasn't herself. Perhaps it’s because she wasn’t in the clothes I originally pictured her to be in that or she may have forgotten it was my birthday...I don't know but I couldn't figure it out and it was annoying me. So, instead of watching her, I decided to just greet her on time for once.

''Good morning, Emily!'' I smiled. Hoping that all she needed was to see someone smile.

''Oh, good morning Lucas!'' She seemed a little spaced out. It also looked like she was having hard time focussing her eyes on me. I examined her body language...and to my utter surprise she was wearing something normal. She had her arms hanging loosely by her sides and her hair down...when she always wears it up. I was worried.

''Uh, we should go now. The train will be leaving soon.'' I pointed out to her. She just started walking towards the ticket office as if she was programmed like a robot. I tried listing all the possible things that could be wrong with Emily:

1. She didn't get enough sleep.

Impossible...she follows an extremely strict planner where she goes to bed at nine o'clock and no later.

2. She is stressing over an exam.

I doubt it; she does an insane amount of studying each and every night. We’re talking five hours plus. Besides, she always passes her exams.

3. Family problems.

She has a perfect family.

None of the ideas I thought of were possible indicators as to why Emily was being stranger than usual. When we sat down on the train, she would usually tell me what she had for breakfast or if she saw any weird people at the train station while waiting for me. But...she didn't. I had no idea what to do. Helping others was never my forte; because I was too busy trying to figure out what was wrong with myself to even consider how to help others with their problems.

However...I care about Emily. So it annoyed me beyond belief.

I decided the only way to find out what was wrong with her is to ask directly...here goes nothing!

''Hey Emily...are you feeling alright?'' I asked sheepishly.

''Lucas...promise me, you won't hate me.''. That wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for but it was definitely a start.

''I could never hate you Emily. Now, tell me what's wrong?''

‘’In my silent moments, I remember who I used to be in high school. I was this emotional train wreck where I couldn’t control myself from doing stupid things like purposely failing my subjects or hurting myself. This person was so overpowering and terrifying. Every day, I had to fight with myself to even get out of bed.'' She turned to look at me and my heart started racing. I didn't know what to say...whether I was suppose to agree with her or just not say anything at all. So, I chose the second option.

''I couldn't control the person I was...and just when I thought she was gone, she comes back saying 'Hey remember me...’ You can't erase the past, Lucas. There is no escaping it.'' She looked directly into my eyes and it was as if she was talking for me...and was uncovering my deepest darkest thoughts. ''But then I thought to myself...if I start building a better set of memories then maybe just maybe, those good memories will replace the bad ones. And that she would be completely erased from my being. So...Lucas, please help me create better memories.''  She grabbed my hand and held it up to her lips. I had never felt so speechless and breathless in my life. She could have been holding my heart. I was paralysed with something...I couldn't think of the word.

What is the word?!

Love.

''Lucas, you and I are so much alike. We have both failed to recognise what’s really good for us. That’s why I want you to never fall back into the decay. We can build a better tomorrow together.'' I could feel her soft lips brushing up against my hand; it sent chills up my spine thinking of how that would feel on my mouth. In that spilt second, her lips moved from my hand to my lips. I didn't hesitate. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to my body. I could feel her boobs pressing up against my chest.

I wonder if I was blushing?!

Wonder if she could feel my heart almost beating out of my chest?!

I wonder if she was doing this because she loved me or because she was not herself?!

The only thing I knew for certain was that...Emily was the best thing to ever happen to me.

And...

That I loved her more than anyone else.

''Happy birthday, Lucas.'' She paused for a second and then continued to kiss me.

She didn't forget after all.