Demi's pov
I can't stop crying into my baby girl. We are curled up in bed together and I can't stop the tears from falling. I screwed up her life so bad and I've just come to realize that. She's afraid to talk to me, I hardly let her see her own father, I'm never home and she always looks tired. I know deep down I should trust Wilmer. We all have a past that shouldn't define us but seem to drag us down anyways. I shouldn't be judging him for the person he was a long time ago but it's so hard not to. He's always been kind to Maya and me after the divorce. It's more of my doubts and past experiences I can never seem to forget.
I'm getting tired of living this way. I just feel an urge to make a change in my life. Finally the tears stop and Maya looks up at me.
"Mom, are you okay?" She asks. She sounds so cute.
"I'm good now, sorry for scaring you baby girl." I say.
She just lays back down. I remember the other day my best friend called and said she would hook me up with someone. Maybe I could go on a date. Maybe this is the kind of change I need. This will get my mind off Wilmer and maybe keep me from being so uptight all the time. I haven't been on one since my divorce. If time is the problem it has definitely been a long enough, it's been what eight or so years.
Maya was three, she had to live through a her parents constanly fighting when her age couldn't even fill up one hand. Instead of us getting through it together I dove into work while my parents and various nannies took care of her. I gave her a bad childhood, one I would have never imagined for my kid.
There's always a lot of fear when it comes to dating, it's impossible to tell what kind of person someone is the first time you meet them. Maybe I should ask Maya what she thinks. I'll only start dating if she approves. That's a good idea so it's now it's not even up to me. It's up too my daughter, the most important person in my life. I look at her and she looks back curiously.
"Hey, Marissa called a few days ago and um she said that she met a guy and uh she said that we might be a um like that maybe we should err she said we should go out. Like on a date." I stuttered in pretty much nonsense English. I don't know why I'm nervous to tall to my own daughter.
She just looked at me, shrugged and laid her head back down. Maybe she didn't understand what I said. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. I was hoping for a yes or no. I trust Marissa, she knows almost everything about me and she wouldn't set me up on a date with someone unless she completely trusted the guy. I've been friends with her since I was little. I'm still not saying yes to Marissa unless Maya says yes.
Maya's pov
That really wasn't a question I was expecting. She can be so random at times. I can't believe she even asked me what I thought. I guess it's all a part of the 'actually acknowledging my daughter' thing that she's doing.
I hope this relationship lasts when she returns to work. Even though it's only been a few weeks like this I'm liking it although I probably won't admit that out loud. I just don't want to get used to it if it's not going to last.
She usually makes these kinds of life decisions on her own. Like dating is pretty big, mom hasn't been on a date with anyone since she left dad. Something I'm still bitter over, since I don't even know what happened. She always says stuff like you're not supposed to hide your emotions and you have to feel everything your going through. But that doesn't work when you don't know what to feel because you don't know what happened. I get really confused by her actions like it's pretty much impossible to tell what her reaction will be to nearly anything.
Maybe I should say yes. She could fall in love with this guy, forget about me and let me live with dad. Sounds like a good plan. And maybe I'll finally get to see mom happy. But what if this guy breaks her heart, I can't see her hurt especially over some guy she didn't even have to meet. I can't remember the last time she was actually genuinely happy though. This could be a good thing maybe. Situations like these are hard to predict.
But if she does start dating again that means there's no chance of her getting back together with dad. Not that I think they will but the possibility is still ruined. Maybe dad should start dating too. Yeah he should, he should date Demi. She's so back and forth on dad. One day it seems like she hates him and other days we all hang out together.
We can be a family. Wow, why have I never thought of this.
Oh, that's right they're divorced, their marriage already failed. Second chances right? Oh who am I kidding. Whatever maybe Demi dating this guy wouldn't be so bad. Why can't I think straight? I look at Demi and she looks confused. I was probably staring off into space. Whatevs.
"Umm, actually I wouldn't really mind you dating." I tell her.
I closely study her face. Her expression doesn't change. She just has a plain look. Why did I tell her that? That's right, she asked and that was my opinion. I think. It's pretty much impossible to ever tell what she is feeling or thinking.
"Okay, thanks. I'll tell Marissa I guess." she says.
I don't think she's happy to even start dating. Maybe this is just proving her marriage is over. It was over on paper a while ago but feelings still last. Maybe this will go so badly she'll realize my dad's the best, and we can be a family again. My stupid plan that I have no control over is back on.
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