Why?: A Look Inside My Mind

Friday, January 1, 2016

That sinking feeling you get in your stomach when your have to say goodbye to someone you love. That deep pit of despair that unfurls in the depths of your heart. That feeling that you can't breathe. The tears that well up in your eyes. The tears that come, falling uncontrollably from you eyes. The soul wracking sobs that escape, unbidden, from your body. The loneliness, the pain, the ache, the feeling of being forsaken. The deep, deep pain inside you at the thought of the person you love in pain. That indescribably horrific feeling inside you that nothing can shake. That's when you know it's true love.
The worst part, is knowing you have to say goodbye.
-Ebony

I can't breathe. I can't stop crying. It hurts so much. My chest hurts. My heart is shattered. The shards are piercing my insides.
I love him.
-Ebony

Where there's a will, there's a way. I love him. He loves me. I made him a promise and I plan on keeping it. Soon enough I'll be able to. I'm gonna miss him like crazy, he's the reason for me to live, but I'll see him soon enough, and I'll be able to hug him and feel safe.
-Ebony

For the way you changed my plans
For being the perfect distraction
For the way you took the idea that I have
Of everything that I wanted to have
And made me see there was something missing, oh yeah

For the ending of my first begin
(Ooh, yeah yeah, ooh, yeah yeah)
And for the rare and unexpected friend
(Ooh, yeah yeah, ooh, yeah yeah)
For the way you're something that I'd never choose
But at the same time, something I don't wanna lose
And never wanna be without ever again

You're the best thing I never knew I needed
So when you were here I had no idea
You the best thing I never knew I needed
So now it's so clear, I need you here always

My accidental happily
(Ever after)
The way you smile and how you comfort me
(With your laughter)
I must admit you were not a part of my book
But now if you open it up and take a look
You're the beginning and the end of every chapter

You're the best thing I never knew I needed
So when you were here I had no idea
(When you were here)
You the best thing I never knew I needed
(That I needed)
So now it's so clear, I need you here always
(Now it's so clear)

Who knew that I could be
(Who knew that I could be)
So unexpectedly
(So unexpectedly)
Undeniably happier
Sitting with you right here, right here next to me
Girl, you're the best

You're the best thing I never knew I needed
(Said I needed)
So when you were here I had no idea
(When you were here)
(Said I had no idea)
You're the best thing I never knew I needed
(That I needed)
So now it's so clear I need you here always
(Now it's so clear)
(So clear, so clear, I need you always)

Now it's so clear, I need you here always
-Ne-Yo

Why are some people so lazy? I just want to do something fun. Why can't they see that? Why do they think I'm being a bitch just because I want to do something? I just want to have fun. Stop tearing me like an errant child! I'm so fucking done with stupid people that don't understand. Why can't you just go along with me for once?! Why can't toy just shut up?! Dear God! Shut the fuck up and let me have fun! Is it a crime to want to do something? Anything remotely fun? I'm sorry if I don't want to do what we do every night. I'm sorry if I can't stand being in the same room with all you idiots for any longer. I'm sorry if I feel like I can't breathe with all you idiot fuckers around me all the time. I'm sorry if I want to get away from my stupid family for at least once. I'm sorry if I don't want to see any of you anymore. I'm sorry if I don't want to be around you. I'm sorry I'm such a bother. I'm sorry you don't want me. I'm sorry I can't live up to your expectations. I'm sorry all you see is my bitchieness. I'm sorry you're all such stuck up idiots that are content with just sitting around and doing nothing. I'm sorry you're all content with sitting around and soaking up each other's idioticies. I'm sorry I don't fit the mold. I'm sorry ok?! I'm sorry. I give up. I just wanted to have fun.
-Ebony

Why? I honestly don't understand... you're all batches who are content with being idiots... well I'm not... sorry if being different makes me a bitch. If it does, I'll gladly take the title. I HATE you ALL!
-Ebony

Nothing ever goes my way. Something always has to go wrong. Why? I don't understand. Who has it out against me? Is it because of the things I've done? I've made amends. I've corrected it. I've said I'm sorry. I've paid my dues. Why do I have to keep suffering? Is it for something I will do? Or is it just because life hates me and has it out against me? I don't know. But my life is bullshit.
-Ebony

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
(My best friend and not-so-secret crush's favorite song. Fits perfectly to what I'm feeling. Just, not the 'fix you' part.
-Ebony)
-ColdPlay

It's a new year. I can't believe it. At least it's one year closer to you. At least by this time next year, I will have seen you. I hope. Even tho I can't talk to you right now, I know you love me and you know I love you and soon I'll be able to see you. I miss you like a fish without water. You are the air I need to breathe.
-Ebony

Happy new years! I never thought this day would come but we're in 2016! I'm scared, I'm terrified, I'm petrified in fear. But hey, throw caution to the wind! It's a new year, make a new you!
-Ebony