My So-Called FOREVER

14 : Picking up the Pieces. √

<FAST FORWARD>

2 years after.

Open grounds.

Andito ako ngayon sa open grounds ng school. Nakatambay sa isang bench dito. Nakatingin sa kawalan. Nakatitig sa kalangitan pero ang isip malayo sa tanawing pinagmamasdan.

Dapat gumagawa ako ng research paper ko ngayon. Dapat nagrereview para sa exam. Nagbabasa para sa graded recitation. At sa huli, gumagawa ng reaction paper para sa documentation na pinanuod namin.

At tama lahat ng nababasa niyo. Nasa university ako. Ewan ko pano, o hindi ko lang alam kung pano pero napagdesisyunan kong mag-aral ulit. Hindi ko binitawan ang career na nakasanayan at gusto ko. Maaaring idea ito ng magulang ko, pero gusto kong ako ang magsustento sa sarili ko.

Dalawang taon na ang lumipas. Nakakatawang isipin pero ngayon biglang bumabalik ulit lahat-lahat. Naaalala ko pa ganu kasakit yung maisip ko lang lahat ng nangyari noon. May sakit, pero hindi na tulad ng dati na mabigat sa dibdib, nakakaya ko na sya i-handle. At ngayon, naiisip ko sya para mamotivate sarili ko.

Binabalik-balikan ko para matatak sa isip ko kung bakit ako nandito ngayon. Kung ano yung naging dahilan ko para gawin ito. Kung bakit ako nagbago. Kung bakit ako nagdesisyon na magumpisa ulit. 

<flashback>

2 years ago....

I heard footsteps coming near me. I don't give a damn. I am too drunk that I just want to cry this out until I fall asleep. I hear a voice, but I can't remember who. A hand is placed over my shoulder. "Ros, ano bang ginagawa mo sa sarili mo?" I eat the voice say. It's a girl's voice. And I thought of Affinite.

I tilted my head a lil bit to see who it was. And I don't know if my mind is playing games on me or if I was too drunk. But I saw her. I saw Affinite. It is Affinite. I tried reaching for her, afraid that she would again stop me and block my hand. But she didn't. I traced her face, and then there I broke down.

"Babe? A-akala ko hindi ka na b-Nabalik. B- babe, I-I'm so s-sorry babe. S-sorry for all the things I've done. Infinite ko, sorry for being selfish. Babe, please tell me we'll w-work this out. I-I'll do what you want, I'll do everything. B-babe p-please?" I wrapped my arms around her legs. I cried on her lap. I cried harder. But she didn't say a word. She just started to wipe me with those wet warm cloth.

And I didn't care. I just want her here. I just want her to stay with me. I cried even more.

"Affinite I l-love you. I l-love you so much p-please don't leave me, let's work t-things out. P-please. I-I'll do anything." I just kept talking and crying at the same time.

I was too drunk that I became half asleep and half awake. I still kept talking. I still kept crying. I still kept begging.

I was getting weak by the minute. I gave it all my strength to beg for her. To tell her everything that I want.