Jiyong oppa, I'm in heaven right now. It's really calm and relaxing. I was surrounded by beautiful angels, who have a pair of white, fluffy wings. I grew a pair of wings too!
Everyday, we would play harp, or trumpets together.
Everyday, we would chase around, having fun together.
Everyday, we would watch the humans beneath the sky.
Everyday, I'm watching you, Kwon Ji Yong oppa.
I saw you pick up the letter I wrote to you. You clenched the paper in your hand, kneeling down and cry.
It hurts so much when I see you cry.
Your phone rang. You shakily answered the call, eyes widened as you drop the phone on the floor. Oppa, what's going on? Why do you look nervous?
Jiyong oppa, where are you heading to? Who called you? Don't drive that fast, oppa! I always told you to drive slower when I'm alive. What if you gotten into an accident?
Hospital? Oh, I see... You finally saw my corpse. My face was awful. Oppa, uljima... Stop crying. I don't blame you for this, because I loved you.
And the only way to make you happy is to leave you. But why are you crying right now? Don't. I hate seeing you cry.
"Mianhae, jagiya... "
My tears flowed out uncontrollably when you called my name and said sorry to me. You placed a light kiss on my lips, finally walking out from the hospital when the doctor asked you to leave.
The cops bought you to the police station, asking you about my death. You just sat there, staring into thin air.
What are you thinking about, oppa? You need to answer them. Or else, they would think you're suspicious!
Few weeks had past... You're getting thinner than ever. You skipped breakfast and dinner, your took small portion of lunch everyday. You're gonna hurt your health, oppa.
"I miss you. "
You missed me? Do you really missed me? I'm happy to hear these words coming out from your mouth. Unfortunately, I'm no longer alive.
I wanted to hold you, oppa. Burying my face into your chest, lacing our fingers together, inhaling your soapy scent, all the things we usually do when we're on good terms.
I see you and your band mates are getting famous. You guys made a concert at Seoul. I'm happy for you all. But oppa, you don't look happy...
I thought you're gonna be happy without me. You should move on now, Jiyong oppa. Find another girl who is more better than me. Even though it hurt my heart if you moved on, I'll accept the fact.
I just want you to be happy every single day.
I was watching you for three years.
You finally moved on. There's a girl you met in a mall, the exact same place where we first met.
You fell in love with her, and she loved you back too. I see you two started dating after you exchange numbers.
Jiyong oppa, you kissed her on the doorstep. Wow, I could feel sharp knives stabbing my heart constantly. I don't care. As long as you're happy, so am I.
I see she's pregnant after few months later. Congratulations, oppa! I always wanted to have a baby too... But it's all over.
You guys got married. She looks so beautiful in her wedding dress. You, look handsome in your tuxedo. You look exactly the same when you're in your wedding.
I remember when the time I step on the aisle, I was nervous as hell!
You exchanged rings with her, kissing her lips softly in front of the attendants.
Months later...
Your wife is in the hospital, getting birth for your first baby boy.
It's enough for me to see you holding the baby in your arms cautiously. You three are gonna be a happy family.
Treat your lovely wife good. Don't lose her like you lose me. Shower her and your son with love.
I never blamed why God is so unfair. I never blamed anyone why my life is so miserable when I'm alive. Because, I'm the one who chose this path.
No regrets.
No blaming.
No complains.
Saranghae, Kwon Ji Yong.
Wtf am I writing...
