Where My Heart Is... [BoyxBoy]

Chapter One

~Kevin~

I stared into the most gorgeous brown eyes I had ever seen. Those eyes belonged to one Thomas Jacobs. If it weren't for my mom, he definitely would have been number one on my list of people I cared most about in this world. If he told me to jump off a cliff with him, I probably would...and that's the scariest thing, knowing that someone has that much power over you. When I was thirteen I discovered that I liked guys more than girls and soon figured out that I was gay. My mom accepted that fact before I even got a chance to. Ever since middle school I've had a crush on Tommy and over the years it's grown into love. We were now seniors in high school and about to graduate. Just thinking that I might never see him again hurt so bad. I didn't know what I'd do if our friendship ever ended.

"Kevin. Kevin! Are you listening to me? I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall." Tommy said throwing a pillow at me. "You've been spacing out a lot lately. What's on your mind?"

"Oh, nothing." I said looking up at him. "Nothing you'd need to be worried about at least." I added in a mumble.

We were in Tommy's room finishing some last school assignments for the year. I looked around and thought about how I was I was going to miss coming here every afternoon. When we weren't here, we were at my house. I smiled at the thought. I glanced at his wall and saw pictures of us together and posters we'd put up. I remembered the time when we painted his bedroom walls blue without his parents' permission. I ended up being grounded for an entire week. We didn't care though. As long as we were together, nothing and no one could stop us from having our fun.

"Kevin! You're doing it again. I'm really starting to think that you're not interested. I want to pass with good grades. You said you'd help me. So help me." Tommy said pointing to all his books and the pages on his bed.

"I'm sorry Tommy. I just have a lot on my mind. You know, with the end of high school and all. It's a lot to take in. I mean we've been together since elementary and now we're going off to college in different states. What if we never see each other again?" I said playing with my pencil.

"I know how you feel, Kev. But we just have to be men about it and take it like it is. And by the way, for the millionth time, quit calling me Tommy. I don't know why you call me that anyway." Tommy said looking back down at his books.

I looked over at him and I began to study his features. Thomas Jacobs, with his black hair and brown eyes, was one of the jocks of the school. He worked pretty hard to get the scholarship and get it he did. I had a few friends but I wasn't as close with them as I was with Tommy. They just didn't understand the depth of our relationship. He'd try to include me with his friend group but it hardly ever worked out.

"Would you stop staring at me? It's kind of annoying." He said snapping me out of my daze.

"I mean who wouldn't stare at you? You're unbelievably drop-dead-gorgeous." I blurted out under my breath. My eyes widened and I hoped that I didn't say that too loud.

"Wait. What did you just say?" His expression was scrutinising.

"Nothing. I didn't say anything. You must be hearing things." I quickly scribbled down the work so that I could get out of here. This was starting to become unbearable for me.

"Kevin. I could have sworn that I heard you say something."

"It was just your imagination. And I thought you said we had no time for idle chit chat. So, get back to work." I tried to divert the subject back to our school work.

"No Kevin. Every time I ask you what's wrong or try to comfort you, you either ignore me or shrug me off. How do think that makes me feel?" He said getting of the bed and staring down at me.

That was the final straw for me. The emotions I didn't want to come out we're about to just spill out of my mouth. I couldn't stop myself. It was too late. I was about to spoil years of built up friendship.

"How do I think that makes you feel? How do you think this makes me feel, Tommy? I've been going through all this pain and you never noticed. You were always with your clique and ignoring me like I was the wind. That hurt. I felt unwanted." I put my head in my hands and started to cry.

"Kevin? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" he walked over to my side of the bed and put an arm on my shoulder. "Please, tell me. Maybe I could help. I am your best friend after all."

"Believe me. You won't be for long."

"I'm listening. And I promise we'll still be the best of friends. We're Tommy and Kevin. Kevin and Tommy. The two musketeers."

I couldn't help but laugh at that last part. I also noticed that he'd just called himself Tommy and not Tom. And I knew for sure he wouldn't want to be my friend after he heard what I had to say.

"Well? I'm waiting." He said folding is arms across his chest.

"Well, I have a confession to make and I'm not sure how you'd react to it. You see the thing is I'm- I'm gay." I searched his face for any sign. Maybe it was hope that I wanted but I wasn't getting any.

"You're... gay? No! You can't be. You're straight." He had a look of disbelief on his face. I closed my eyes and turned my face away.

"No Tommy I'm not. I'm gay. Always have been and I always will be."

I looked up at Tommy and his face expression brought tears to my eyes. Without him saying anything I knew what was coming next. I knew this would happen.

"Well while we're still busy with confessions, there's something else I need to tell you. I Love you, Tommy. You mean the world to me. I know our friendship may be over now but I just wanted you to know how I feel about you. I'm sorry for ruining our friendship." I packed my bag and made my way to the door.

"Why are you telling me this now?" His words stopped me and I bit my lip. I shrugged, still unable to face him. "Weren't we supposed to be best friends? Now you're telling me that the guy I thought who was like a brother to me my whole life is a... fag? How can I even look at you? You disgust me."

The tears wouldn't stop coming out of my eyes. I walked over to him and he immediately took a step back."Tommy, please try to understand."

"What I understand Kevin, is that you're a faggot. Because only faggots cry the way you are now."

"Stop saying that word. And what did you think I would be doing? Jumping for joy? I just got rejected by the person I love. I honestly don't think I should be smiling like an idiot."

"So what if I rejected you? And I can say whichever words I want. Face it Kevin. You're a fag and I for one will not allow myself to be loved by one of your kind." I'd never seen that look on Tommy's face before. The amount of hatred it showed...the anger. I thought I sensed hurt and betrayal in his eyes but I must've been seeing things.

"Fuck you Thomas Jacobs! Don't ever talk to me again."

He scoffed. "Oh don't count on it."

I picked up my bag and stormed out of the room. On my way down stairs I ran into Tommy's mom.

"Kevin, are you leaving already?"

"Uh yes. I have some things to do at home." I said trying to put on my best fake smile.

"Oh dear! Have you been crying? What happened?" Mrs. Jacobs looked worried.

"N-Nothing. I've got to go." I ran out of the house knowing that that would be my last time I was allowed to enter it again.