Throw It All Away [Zayn Malik]

Chapter 19: Renewing (Part II)

Dana

               Frowning a bit, I stop, before turning to face him again. “You’re sorry,” I say slowly.

            He nods animatedly. “I shouldn’t have kept secrets like that, especially ones so big. And I shouldn’t have forced the boys to help me… and my parents. I should have helped you find your family instead of keep you like that, selfishly. And now your dad,” he pauses, sounding nearly as upset as I am. “I’m just so sorry, Dana. I really am.”

            I can’t help feel a flare of anger, despite the fact that his apology seems beyond genuine.

            We’ve both done extreme wrongs since meeting, but one apology can’t just fix it all. I mean, Dad is dead, and I might’ve been able to stop it had I been there those months I was with Zayn.

            I might have been able to save him.

            But then again, I’m the one that left him and Ben even once I got away from Zayn. That’s all on me…

        I also wouldn’t have met Zayn and the boys and all these people here at Jane’s Gems. I wouldn’t have learned all that I did and grown so much.

            Plus, even though Zayn did lie, he saved my life, took care of me. I’d be dead if it weren’t for him, wouldn’t know compassion and love in the same way as what he gave me.

            Love from my parents in particular has never been what most would want to have, for neither Ben or I. Mum showed that from the moment she abandoned us, Dad from the moment he gave up. Ben has always looked up to me- at least I think so- but it’s always been me taking care of him, never the other way around.

            Zayn is really the only one to have ever treated me so kindly.

            “I should accept that, I know,” I say quietly, biting my lip and sighing. “In those two or three months I was with you, I can admit to being happier than I think I’ve ever been. Even without the responsibilities of Ben and Dad, you saved me, and I’m grateful for that.”

            A corner of his mouth twitches up in a smile, and I have to admit that a larger part of my heart swells at seeing it, considering it’s been so long.

            “I’m sorry for not acting like it. I- I guess I just didn’t know how to handle it, or how to handle realizing that I’d lost so much of my family when I lost my memory.”

            He takes a step closer to me, so we’re only a couple feet away now.

            “And the feelings that came for you with all that drama… I guess I didn’t know how to handle those either,” I paused. “Though I think I have as much to apologize for as you do, I think most of mine needs to go to Ben.”

            “We both do,” Zayn nods, daring to take another step closer, reaching out to offer a hand.

            I hesitantly put mine in his, noticing once again the contrast of them, both in size and texture. “One of the worst things is Mum though… Realizing what she’s really been doing, and me. I’m a lot more like her than I thought.”

            I’m admittedly surprised when Zayn chuckles at that, lowly, like he’s trying not to.

            “What’s funny?” I frown, feeling him squeeze one of my hands in both of his.