Eclipse of Hearts ✔

25. Hollow [Aymara]

A tear ran down her face. His hips banged against her behind and she felt a burning pain between her legs. His hands grabbed her breasts, his nails cutting into her skin. She heard him growl and the smell of alcohol surrounding him tickled her nostrils. 

A whimper escaped her lips and she held her breath in fear. When he would see her crying, he would become angry again. She closed her eyes and tried to think about something else, but there were no heartening memories. She had the feeling to go blinded through life, again and again visiting places that were even worse than where she came from. 

In the beginning she had seized to the hope for a better existence. She had even thought she loved him. That she was in love with him. Those days they had talked a lot, but after some weeks he told her less and less, and in the end he just pushed her on the bed, only to satisfy his own needs. He never looked at her when they had sex and deep down she knew why. He did not love her. She was only a means to push away the thoughts of the elf and it seemed to work. 

Aymara felt empty. She was nothing but a toy. Nobody cared about her feelings. She knew it was her own fault, for she had offered herself to him. She had chosen to serve her king this way and she didn't dare to withdraw. 

Aymara was pulled out of her thoughts when he hit her so deep her whole belly burned - and not of pleasure. His moaning was so loud it seemed as if he tried to overwhelm her pain and she shrunk. 

Finally he let go of her. Roughly he pushed her away, not paying attention to her when she fell on the floor. There she kept lying, staring to the ceiling. Her sight was troubled by tears. Did she really think he would ever love her? Nobody loved her. She was weak. Weak because she settled for this life, not trying to achieve anything - except for the love of a man she was hating.

She curled up on her side and waited until the pain would drain away. From Thorin's breathing she concluded that he had fallen asleep and she wished she could do the same, so that she could escape that hollow feeling for a moment. Would he feel the same? Or was she really helping him? Or was it the bottle next to his bed that got him through his problems? 

If he hadn't been her king, she would have taken the bottle to drink it up herself - something she couldn't do now. She could do nothing, except waiting until he needed to spill his seed again. 

A bitter taste appeared in her mouth. Would it be conspicuous that she didn't get pregnant?  Or didn't he care? Didn't he want a child? She guessed not - not from her...

Already at a young age she had discovered that the juice of the grapefruit prevented a pregnancy. Vaughn had forced her to use it, for he wanted no child from her and neither did she. 
Her body might not be hers anymore, but if there would grow something inside, she wanted it to be her own choice. She wanted it to be a love baby - which she would never get from Thorin. She would probably never get one at all, for who was she after all? She wasn't even a dwarf in the eyes of the men around her. She was just... an object.