Attachments (Tronnor AU)

Half

noun

       • either of two equal parts of something; (infinitive) a half-price ticket for a bus, etc; half a pint.

adjective

       • being a half; incomplete; partial.

adverb

       • to the extent of a half; partly. 

Troye falls somewhat into old patterns during the week Connor's away for. He sleeps in an empty apartment, curled up on a couch that holds more memories than any piece of furniture really should, and that's new, it is, but he goes back to spending his days out in the cold with trembling hands of ice stroking cracked keys of ivory. He moves around from street to street like he did before he met Connor, sets himself up by the fountain one day and the park the next. He borrows the same ratty old hat from the homeless woman down the street and eases out a few bars of Bach's least known works and he ignores the nasty looks he gets from the people who make wide berths around him.

He doesn't touch the food in Connor's apartment, doesn't touch anything in the kitchen but the stupid coffee press, and he scrapes together what change he makes to barter with the baker down the road just like he used to. He still borrows Connor's jacket and Dan's socks and that's half new, it is, but he still wears his worn out converse and shredded jeans and shivers against the impinging winter chill like he always has.

He rolls his eyes when Dan informs him indifferently that the guy came around looking for him again, ignores the concern that's started seeping into Dan's tone when he speaks of it now. Because that's new, it is, and Troye might be much more open to new than he used to be, but there's still only so much of the unfamiliar that he can handle.

He tells him he's going to go crazy when Dan lights another joint and that's not new, it isn't, and it's more comforting that he'll ever admit when Dan shrugs him off with a mutter of, "I told ya, already. It's only the real heavy-goers that end up in the loony bin."

Troye finds a strange kind of balance between the new and the old and it's nice, it's kind of great, but it's also kind of not great worrying about Connor all the time and if he's okay, if his sister's okay, if he's going to be coming home soon. It's kind of not great and not fun and maybe sort of stressful and a tiny bit unsettling.

And yeah, Troye realizes absently, now he knows a little bit how Connor feels.