I Wish You Would

Back to Work, Loving and More Trauma!

It has been 3 months since I was stabbed in the chest in the ER and I am finally back to work. The hospital made me be evaluated by a psychiatrist who deals with trauma, and I had to be cleared before I could work again. I got cleared yesterday and today is my first day back.

I was sat in the kitchen of Mer's house eating breakfast with Jackson who had been amazing through the whole thing. From taking me to PT, to sitting around the house or his flat with me, he had been amazing.

"Are you sure you are ready to go back to work today? It's okay if you are not cause-"

"Jackson I love you but if I don't go back to work today I will punch something and I don't want it to be you." I kiss him on the lips quickly as I stand up and clear away the breakfast stuff. "Besides I have been fine for a month it's just getting my mind back to work." At that moment Meredith and Derek walked in and sat down next to Jackson.

"Jackson's right Lilly." Derek said sipping his coffee "What if you aren't ready and this just sets you back."

"Derek I appreciate the concern but God could tell me not to go back to work today and I would because I am bored stiff and I miss cutting so I am going to go in today and do a long ass surgery and come home and rest like I did before..." I waved my hands around a little bit like a lunatic "all this crap happened." I walked out of the kitchen grabbing my coat and jacket.

"I am doing lifts, come now or drive yourself!" I walk out of the house and hear Jackson and Mer follow after me as it was Derek's turn to take the kids to daycare.

We got to the hospital and I went straight for the attending's lounge so that I could settle back in.

When I got there the only people in the room were Callie, Alex, Arizona and Richard. I swung the door open and walked proudly in dropping my stuff into my locker.

"Hayes you're back! I can't believe it! How are you doing?" Callie said as she walked up and gave me a tight hug.

"I'm good thanks Torres. Feeling strong and awesome, and so bored. I just need to get back to work!" I sighed as I started to get changed and pull on my lab coat ready for my first full day back.

"Are you sure you're okay? Don't you want to be taking it easy for a couple of days?" Richard asked me as I swung my stethoscope around my neck.

"Doctor Webber I know you care but I promise that I am fine." I walk out of the door and head towards the ER that I hadn't entered since I had been stabbed. I heard some footsteps behind me get quicker.

"Lilly!" I heard someone shout behind me but I just kept walking towards the ER.
"Hayes!" They were trying to get my attention but I wanted to have a quiet first day.
"Lilly Hayes!!" I kept walking pretending not to hear them when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into a room.

"Lilly Hayes you are an ignorant crapdog you know that." Arizona said as she shut the door and put her hands in the pockets of her lab coat.

"Arizona what have I done now. I wanted to be your friend but you made it awkward in your room!" I looked her directly in the eyes "You messed it all up! You bought me in! You made me feel! It was all you Arizona! Not me! You!" I shouted at her, the months of rage I had in me since that day was finally released. "You chucked me away like I was a fling that didn't mean anything! You did that not me! I trusted you! I loved you!" I pushed her back away from the door of the storage room. I pulled the door open slowly and walked to the threshold where I turned around to look at her.
"So don't call me an ignorant crapdog Arizona, when actually... It's you" I walked away from her at that moment with white hot rage coursing through my veins.