Twisted Souls

Chapter 15

It seems like forever since I sat in the dining hall. The last time was not an experience I would like to remember, nor does this room hold a special place in my heart. Still, I take a seat at my spot and wait.
Even though I didn't get done what I hoped for, my mind is still buzzing from what I did find.
I don't have to wait for long before Xalale comes breezing into the room. I realize that I haven't seen him the entire day (I'm not complaining). He seems to be in a more relaxed mood then yesterday.
"You look lovely tonight."
I've learned not to roll my eyes whenever I hear the comment, but I can't help muttering to myself every time I hear it.
"So I didn't see you today." I begin,"Were you busy?"
"I had an excruciating headache all day. It recent just passed, but I wasted a whole day doing nothing."
"Oh." How I won't ever miss these conversations with an awkward edge to them- every last one.
As dinner was beginning to be served, my mind couldn't help but wander. I had the pieces- not all of them, but most of them- and I am sure they fit together to make a bigger picture. But what exactly is that picture?
I hated how silence hung in the room like a thick curtain unwillingly to be broken or ripped. But I didn't want to say anything to him and he clearly wasn't in the mood to talk either. I'm antsy to get back to the library to search for some more useful books, but don't want to draw attention to myself.
"Something bothering you?"
"Hm?" I almost didn't hear him ask the question.
"You seem to lost in your thoughts."
I shrug. "Nothing's wrong."
He gives me a suspicious look, but doesn't add anything. Instead he waves over a servant. "Bring out some wine. It will ease my mind."
"Right. Because wine is the first thing I turn to after I just recovered from a massive headache." Logic isn't Xalale's first instinct it appears, but I know better than to speak my mind.
The servant returns with the wine and sets a beautiful glass chalice in front of me. I frown and begin to give it back.
"I don't drink." I explain apologetically.
"Keep it." Xalale begins, "It would offend me if you declined. Besides, its not as enjoyable drinking alone."
"Boo fuckin' hoo." I don't say a lot that comes to my mind. I value my self-restraint.
"I'll try it, but only one cup." Truth is, I've never tried an alcoholic beverage in my life. My parents have a few times, but they say that drinking gets you wasted really fast and after that you make a fool of yourself. But from other accounts, I heard that wine isn't that strong of an alcoholic beverage, plus it taste almost like grape juice.
I inspect the crimson colored liquid in my clear chalice. After a few seconds of hesitation, I decide to just go for it and take a swig of it.
Its not as bad as I thought it was going to taste. It definitely had that grape juice feel to it that everyone talked about it having.
"Not bad." I say honestly.
After about the three swig, it begins to taste natural to me. I can see why people will drink this as an alternative to beer or whisky, it has a more mellow feel to it.
"So what did you do all day, Mallory?"
"Nothing interesting. Just spent the whole day in the library."
He studies me for a second. "You never struck me as the reading type."
I roll my eyes.
"I'm not. I remember when I was younger my mom always use to take me to the library every Saturday, hoping I'll take an interest in reading and writing and whatnot. But in all honesty, I would just reread the same fairytale books over again. She never figured it out."
"Were you always so sneaky as a child?"
I smile to myself as I think about me when I was younger.
"I wasn't sneak. I was more...imaginative and creative. My parents always called me a free-spirit."
He leans back and gives me his usual amused look. "Really?"
"Yeah. I look back now and I guess I was a weird child. Kind of odd really." I pause to finish off the last of my wine. A servant is there to refill it again. "I had the strangest mind."
"I find it very hard to believe that you were a strange child, seeing how mature you are now."
"Well...you wouldn't think that if you had met me then. My hair was always a mess- more than it is now. I was such a slob, it's so embarrassing now. I remember I had these stupid imaginary friends," -I stop to concentrate- "what were their names?"
It suddenly comes back to me.
"Oh yeah! One of them was called Bengy, there was one I think I called Ying- she was pink for some odd reason. But we use to play games and act out fairytale stories that I loved. Pretty much we did everything a little girl would do."
"What about your real friends?"
I gave a humorless chuckle. "What real friends? I never had any real friends growing up. Still don't really."
I glance up at him and for the first time since being here, I see a human emotion in his expression- an actual human emotion that doesn't just disappear after a second. I saw sympathy. I don't know why, but I made me uncomfortable so I look away.
"What about you?" I ask swishing the dark liquid in my cup. "What was your childhood like."
"My childhood was simple yet quite complicated."
"Well that tells me everything but nothing at the same time." I smile.
"That's how I would describe it though." He says.
"What about your parents?"
It was like I had suddenly flipped back on the tense switch. The ice was back in his voice again and he stops leaning so casually.
"Father, I didn't know him and I didn't enjoy my mother." He responses with such bitterness, I'd be a fool to dig any further than that.
"Oh." I say and refill my cup again.
Some of the hostility recedes from his tone as he pours himself another glass and ask, "What are your parents like?"
My smile returns as I think about my wonderful, wonderful parents. I couldn't help but gush about them.
"They're the most amazing people I know. I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. You think I'm smart? My mom is the wisest, most patient people you would ever meet. She's helped me through so much, I couldn't imagine what my life would be without her. And my dad. He's such a good sport. He was the one who played my games when I was young, came and rescued me when I got myself into a ditch, acted out my bedtime stories even when he wasn't feeling good. I really can't express how wonderful my parents are. I don't what I did to desire them, seeing how I screw up all the time."
"Screw up?"
I let out a defeated sigh, shrugging my shoulders. "Yeah. Everything I do- however innocent it was intended to be- always ends up snowballing into a ridiculously big problem that I have to work my way out of."
"Well thats more of an opinion than a fact."
I give him a puzzled look to which he elaborates.
"Is it because you yourself are bad luck or is it merely your surroundings causing you to experience failure?"
"Hm. I never thought about it that way." I say thoughtfully slumping back in my chair. "That could explain a lot."
I always knew that Cauldron had interesting people in it, but it never once crossed my mind that it might contain some equally interesting challenges. But it would be too much of a stretch to make that connection and be right about it.
"Yeah, that could explain so much. You don't really think about that until something like the Richards' kids comes up." I try not to visibly gag when I think of them. "It was a nightmare. These kids were spoiled brats that didn't even know how to behave. One of them was screaming in my ear because her doll broke, two twin boys were running away the house tossing- what was it? A football or baseball or whatever they were doing. Then I had the teenager-in-the-making bossing me around like I was a servant to her or something. But that was just the icing on the cake of my babysitting stories. People where I'm from have either the strangest, most out-of-control kid or the laziest, most tight lipped parents." I couldn't help but laugh as I remembered all the times I babysat for someone crazy.
"I had this one parent who forgot to tell me her kid was prone to meltdowns and while I was in the park, the child just had the biggest freak-out over the littlest thing. I was panicking because I thought something was wrong with him, so I tried to calm him down with no luck. I guess I got really frustrated after a while and in the middle of the park in the loudest voice I could, I told him to 'shut the fuck up.' Well that only made him more upset, so somebody called the mother and she had the nerve to be pissed off at me for yelling at her kid, but she never told me about his meltdowns. Safe to say I didn't get payed that day and everybody heard me curse at a crying eight year old boy."
These memories brought me back. At the time I didn't find those things remotely humorous, but now reminiscing these moments bring me great joy.
I glance up again at Xalale, who's actually smiling. (I think hell must've frozen over).
"You have a nice smile, you should use it more." I say playfully.
"Well, I find your stories very amusing. I've never spent much time around children."
"Well don't. Most of them are brats, but there are a few good ones."
"I'll keep that in mind."
It surprises me how easily I'm talking to him. We're bantering on like long-lost friends that are picking up where we left off. I'm more relaxed, he's definitely more laid-back. I dare say this is...enjoyable.
I'm reaching for the wine again to pour myself another glass. "This will be my second- no my thir- or my- my fifth!"
Suddenly my mind catches up to me. I drop the pitcher abruptly, sending the remainder of the wine spilling onto the floor. Running my fingers through my hair, I scold myself.
"My parents were right. Of course they were right! One drink leads to another and another until- this is why I'm telling him everything about me. Sober me wouldn't be engaged in such a personal, light conversation. Stupid, stupid, stupid!"
As servants come to clean up the mess, I stand up on shaky legs and try to find my balance.
"What's wrong?" Xalale stands up as well, but he seems more sturdy in his footing.
"I- I gotta, go..."
I was already going to make a fool out of myself. As I start towards the door, Xalale follows close behind and offers his hand to steady me.
"I'll escort you back to your room." He informs me.
I only give a weak nod and let him guide me out of the dining hall into the dark halls. We travel in silence most of the ways until I speak out.
"I don't want to go back to my room- I'll be alone."
"What am I saying! That's exactly what I want to be is alone. Is this me or the wine talking!?"
"Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know, wherever I'm not alone." My head was beginning to feel stuffy and starting to throb like hell.
I close my eyes as we walk so I haven't got a clue where he's guiding me. I just trust it's somewhere I'll be comfortable and can rest for a second.
A moment later, he eases me down on something soft- a couch from the feel of it. I'm starting to experience a queasy sensation rising up in the pit of my stomach.
"Are you alright?" He ask.
"Just drank too much too fast." I choke out.
I hear the smile in his voice and somehow that makes me smile the tiniest bit.
"Let me go get you some water."
I hear him get up a leave the room for a few minutes before coming back and handing me a gauntlet filled with water. I graciously accept the gift.
It takes a few minutes, but gradually I begin the feel the queasy sensation fade away, though the throbbing is still present. Opening my eyes, I survey the room he has lead me to.
Tall, arched windows, letting in the moonlight, are our only source of light. The room is spacious with high ceilings. Behind us sits a massive bed cloaked in darkness. This must be Xalale's bedroom- the master bedroom. We're currently sitting in the sitting area. In front of me, a huge fireplace is positioned.
"Are you cold?" He ask when he follows my gaze.
"Uh...a little bit." I admit.
Getting up, he walks over to the fireplace and begins to kindle a fire. The wood catches the sparks and soon we have a nice size fire blazing. Settling back down next to me, he gives me a concerned look.
"So are you feeling better?"
"A little bit. I just had too much to drink."
He smiles. "I remember the first time I had wine, I couldn't hold my liquor if my life required me to do so."
Somehow, tonight, his smile is extremely contiguous.
"You seem to be a pro at it now."
"Like everything else it takes practice."
I look away from him and smile at the ground for second in thought. Even as the conversation fades, I can't help thinking about how strange it is that I actually had a decent time talking to Xalale tonight. Letting down our walls of defense was relieving, like we didn't have to hold anything back.
"No, its the wine still talking." A little voice in the back of my mind protest. "He's still a monster that kills innocent people."
I bite my lip as those images of people suffering fill my mind.
"He's still a cold-hearted murderer, no matter how charming he may seem tonight."
"Mallory."
I turn to look at him, breaking the trance I was under. We're closer to each other than we've ever been. A breath catches in my throat. We stare into each other for what feels like forever, but is in all retrospect only about a few seconds.
"You look beautiful tonight." His voice is silky, so gentle to my ears.
I want to turn away or say something, but instead I just stare into his ocean blue eyes. Before I know it, he closes the spaces between us and his lips meet mine.
I pull back slightly, out of surprise, but he follows and steals the air from my lungs.
"Break contact, break contact, break contact!" My brain is scrambling to keep up.
The first time he kissed me at the well, it happened so fast that I barely registered it, but now, this one is more passionate, more intense.
With my mind in a dizzy, I pull away, quickly getting up from the couch and moving away from his touch. Things were escalating too fast for me. My mind still might have felt foggy, but I have enough common sense left in me to know when to leave an uncomfortable situation.
I manage to get my hand on the doorknob, about to turn it, when Xalale comes from behind and seizes my hand.
"I have to go." I say, starting to make a weak excuse.
"I thought you said you didn't want to be alone." His eyes nearly pierce my soul. I found that the words wouldn't come to my mouth even when I opened it to speak.
Before I can make another move, he tenderly kisses my collarbone, leading all the way up my neck back to my lips. The kiss to my lips are rougher, more heated.
Being this close to him, I catch a whiff of his natural scent. A sweet mixture of woods and lemongrass. It reminds me of home. Of the woods in my backyard, how I use to run through them until sunset. How my mom use to wrap me up in fresh blankets, still warm from the dryer, on cold bitter days. I didn't mean to- I didn't even want to- but I leaned into him, captured in his embrace.
My hand eventually released the golden knob and instead reached up to run through his hair. My other hand was left to freely explore until it caught interest with his shirt. Each button got easier and quicker to unbutton. Once the task was finished, Xalale completed it and tossed the garment to the floor.
I hadn't realized my eyes were closed until I opened them. I've never been this close to a strange- let alone someone from the opposite sex. I've never been able to run my fingers along someone's broad shoulders. His arms were strong, stronger than I expected as they warped tightly around me.
A sudden memory comes up in my mind of a girl who was in my ninth grade gym class. She always boasted of the older guys she use to date and have sex with. She'd gloat about how strong and athletic they were, that they owned a car and would pick her up from school now and then. I always rolled my eyes at her outlandish stories. I remember seeing most of those guys she dated and they weren't ugly but they weren't the finest catch. I smile as I think about her reaction if she were to meet Xalale. She would finally shut up then.
My head rest against his chest, listening to his constant heartbeat. His hand explores my dress, unlacing the back until it finally slipped off my shoulders.
I've been wearing the same bra I arrived in everday. Its more comfortable than the undergarments they provide me with in this world. Even if the bra maybe foreign to him, Xalale waste no time in figuring it out.
"This feeling is so...so new and- and..."
It must either be between the moment I listen to myself think or when his hand strokes my breast- or both- that my sensibility kicks in again.
I pull away from him in the fastest I've ever had from anybody. My mind's in complete and utter shock and horror as I try to collect my bearings. The speed of my heart makes me feel like I'm about to drop dead of a heart attack at any second now.
"What the hell is wrong with me?" I repeat this to myself quietly, over and over again. Running my hand through my hair in confusion.
"This is the wine acting out. I'm not thinking straight, I'm not functioning right. This isn't sober me doing this."
Its only when Xalale brushes up against, do I realize the only garment I'm wearing is my underwear. Embarrassment is not a sufficient enough word to describe how I feel right now.
I try to cover myself to the best of my ability.
Even though I've completely worn out the moment, Xalale still seems to be engulfed in it. He kisses the nape of my neck and murmurs into my ear.
"Why are you so shy now?"
His silky voice is calming to me. So intoxicating. The smell of woods and lemongrass, the smell of home. So familiar...
"No!" I was letting myself slip again. My whole body and mind was fighting against itself- I didn't like these feelings.
But I still let him lead me to the edge of the bed, where he pushes me down onto the sheets. He's already on top of me before I have the chance to analyze the situation. We're both stripped down to our undergarments.
Even though I've just been stationary this entire time, I grip his hand the minute he reaches for my underwear. Finally my common sense wins out.
"No." My voice is uncharacteristically commanding when I say this.
His eyes show clear dissatisfaction and long to continue, but he releases my underwear and rolls off me.
Relief floods my body as I sit up, but the smallest part of me- the tiniest part- was disappointed.
As I get up to gather my clothes scattered on the floor, Xalale just simply stares at me. I ignore him and readjust my bra once more.
"Stay here tonight."
"What?" I give him a confused look. He must be ludicrous to think I would spend another second with him.
"Just for tonight."
"Go! Leave! Get out of there while the opportunity is open."
I must've been possessed by a demon because it's the only logical reason for why I nodded my head and said "fine".
Leaving my dress in a pile on the floor, I climb into the bed- making sure to keep as much distance as possible between us. Xalale stays on the other side of the bed, thankfully.
"Good night, Mallory." His voices reaches me through the dark, but I don't say anything in response.
After a few minutes tick by I can tell he's sound asleep. As tired as I am, I can't manage to fall into a peaceful slumber. I watch as the flames in the fireplace die down to smoldering embers.
Even as I'm torn between shame, embarrassment, and scolding, a current feeling sits like rock in the back of my mind. It's overall what keeps me up. It scares me and exhilarates me at the same time.
That small disappointed part of me wanted him to continue so badly. I wanted to kiss him as hard as I could, feel his hair as it slips through my fingers, I wanted him so badly.
"That wasn't you. You don't want that. You're not like that."
The thing that terrified me most was that it wasn't just the wine talking this time. A small part of me was sober enough to want him.