Mental

Chapter 16- Fix you

"I can't believe Evan did that to me. I would've never thought he would." I cried into Daisy's arms as she held me. I could hear Harry downstairs still arguing slash talking to Liam and Louis about what to do and if he can go upstairs yet.

"He honestly seemed like a great guy. It's just, alcohol makes you do things. Bad things." She rocked me back and forth as this gross itchy t-shirt scratched my skin. "Do you want me to get you Harry? If not I'll stay with you. I just think he really wants to see you."

"Uh, yeah could you. Please." She nodded and got off the bed and left me alone in the room. I tried to move over a little bit and felt my whole body ache in pain.

"Madeline." Harry walked into the room as I was wincing and i could see his face twist into a painful expression. He came over to the bed and sat down next to me against the head board. I fell over onto his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. "I'm here now. It's okay."

"Harry what do I do?" I cried and I could feel his chest rising and falling quickly.

"Tell your mom, file a report-"

"I can't tell her Harry. Are you crazy? She would flip out... Or she would think that I'm making it up and I'm like crazy again and send me back to Long branch and I can't go back there Harry." My body felt cold and numb, my nerves going crazy.

"Sh, it's okay. We'll figure something out tomorrow. It's really late and you need to get some sleep, I promise we'll figure it out tomorrow." Harry rubbed my arm as my body shivered. "Are you cold?" I nodded and he got up and sifted through some drawers and pulled out a big fuzzy blanket. He threw it over me and climbed back on the bed. I put my head back on his chest, curling into his side. He felt so warm and safe.

"Harry, I should've listened to you. You were right about him, i should've just fucking listened to you. I'm so fucking stupid." I clenched my fists and my vision got blurry with tears again.

"You're not stupid, you're not stupid." He pulled me tighter into him and I don't think I've ever been hugged like that before. It felt so good, I felt genuinely cared about in this moment. Like this Harry was the Harry that no one saw. The harry that only Athena ever saw.

"He ruined my 17th birthday. This was supposed to be the good one. My first real teenage birthday." I cried and I looked up at him. His head was held toward the ceiling and I saw the steady stream of tears coming from his eyes glistening from the little bit of light in the room. I didn't want him to cry.

He laid there silent for a while, not knowing I was watching him. "Sh." He reached his hand up to cradle my head against his chest, his heart beat rapid.

We laid there for a little bit longer in silence just listening to each others breathing. "Harry, I'm gonna go to the bathroom really quick." He lifted his arm off me and I moved to get up but it hurt, Evan lied. He was not gentle.

I opened the door and went to turn the corner when I stumbled over someone. "Liam, what are you doing?" I gasped and he jumped up.

"Sorry, I was waiting outside the door. Just in case Harry, ya know, I don't know. Sorry this looks super creepy. I must've fallen asleep. Uh, sorry." He rambled and I couldn't help but let my first little laugh of the night out.

"It's okay, but I'm good. He's all calmed down now. Go get some rest in a real bed." I smiled and hugged him before going into the bathroom.

I went to the bathroom and then I turned on the light and looked into the mirror and cringed. That's not the pretty girl I saw before i left the house. Instead I saw a gross, scraggly, sad excuse for a girl. The girl I've been seeing for years.

The shirt I was wearing was way too big and my hair was a knotted mess. My eyes were completely red, and my face was all swollen from crying. My hair was a complete mess and any make up I had on was now all over the wrong parts of my face. I put my hair up in a pony tail and washed my face off the best I could without face wash before looking one last time and leaving to return back to the bedroom.

Harry was in the same spot from when I left. His head still looking up at the ceiling. "Hey." He looked over at me and gave me a small smile. "You good?"

"Yeah, c'mere." He patted the spot where I laid before and I made my way back to the way I was laying before. "How you feeling?"

"Okay." I laid back down into his side and he put his arm around me again, slowly rubbing my back. His skin was soft and warm, just like I thought it'd be. Not that i thought about him naked or anything.

For that few minutes I forgot about what happened tonight. About how Evan broke me even more than I already was. How I would never forget this.

"He always told me I was so beautiful. I bet he didn't even mean that. He knew what it was all leading up to. He made me feel so loved and wanted. So pretty and smart and told me I was the most special girl in the world. That he thought we had a real connection and could last." I felt my body shake. My muscles tight and I felt like I couldn't breathe. "He's such a piece of shit."

"You can still be all those things without some asshole telling you that. Tell yourself." Harry mumbled lightly. "Be in love with yourself."

We sat there again in a calm silence. It felt good. To sit here and not feel the need to talk to Harry. For it to not be awkward. "I didn't go to a check up the other day." Harry broke the stillness, his voice making his chest shake. "I went to see a psychologist. I talked to him for a really fucking long time." He chuckled. "It felt good, he thinks I might have an anger problem. Maybe a few other things, but I wanted to tell you."

"That's good Harry. That's really good, wow." I leaned up to look at him, giving him a genuine smile.

"Yeah, I didn't like the way I was acting. I don't know, wanted to change." He shrugged, his head leaning to the side and falling onto the pillow. "I don't know. Felt good to tell someone though. Hey, you should get some sleep." He moved to the side and fixed the blanket onto me. "If you need anything Mads, just ask. okay?"

"Yeah." I nodded but I didn't want him to leave. I knew it'd be better if he did though. I don't want any feelings to come up and I don't think spending the night with Harry would be the best thing right now. My emotions were all over the place. "Thanks Harry. For staying here with me tonight. It means a lot to me."

"Of course, Madeline. I care about you, I was so worried about you. I still am. I just really want you to get some rest. Goodnight Madeline." He leaned down and kissed the top of my head and my whole body shook. I really don't want him to leave. I don't want to be alone.

"Goodnight Harry." I watched him leave the room and then it was just me. Me and one other person i hadn't heard from in a while.

Happy 17th birthday to you. You got the birthday you knew you deserved.

Not now. I really couldn't take my snide fucking subconscious right fucking now.

See, I told you. You'll fall for any boy that so much as bats an eyelash at you. You knew Evan was just going to break you

Shut up.

You knew he was too good for you. You just got too attached to him and did anything he wanted you to do. Well almost anything. A normal girl would've just had sex with him but oh no, not you.

Oh my god shut up shut up shut up.

You should've just done it. Then you wouldn't have been in this situation. C'mon that's so embarrassing. You're so pathetic you can't even give it up. You deserved that.

Stop it. I turned over and buried my head in the pillow until the voice was gone. I eventually fell asleep, thank god.