Queen One-Shots

Freddie's Guide to Cats

Hello darlings, it is me, Freddie Mercury! The lover of life, singer of songs, and world renowned rock legend. Anyhoo dears, I'd like to talk to you about my favourite creatures... No, not Koi Fish... Cats! Yes... This is Freddie Mercury's guide to cats!

Now, obviously this will be a quick and snappy guide to your fabulous furry friend. Their breed, what you should name them, etcetera.

Okay, let's start, lovies!

1. Cat colour. Y'know, cats just aren't always 'grey' or 'black' or 'orange'. No no no no no no no no... There is black and blue and chocolate and lilac and red and cream and cinnamon and white! Now, cats aren't actually blue and lilac, darlings. I apologize if I confused you. Blue is what you call 'grey' and lilac is what you call 'light grey'. I hate to say it dearies, but most of you are probably cat heathens!

2. Eyes. Sometimes my dearest friends, 'cat eyes' is not a term for an eyeliner design. Even though I do enjoy eyeliner myself, in this context, 'cat eyes' literally means cat eyes. The three types of cat eyes are round, almond, and oriental slanted. Siamese have the most magnificent oriental slanted eyes, they are just delectable. Ooh, and Delilah has the prettiest almond eyes. I love my cat Delilah, you should meet her some day.

3. Coat. There is short haired cat coats, long haired cat coats, oriental haired cat coats, and then there is a sphynx cat coat. Have you seen a sphynx cat by chance? Oh, aren't they the cutest little animals? Aren't they magnificently adorable?

4. Since there are many, many, many cat breeds whether you believe me or not, I won't go into detail. But the most popular ones are Persian, which are quite exquisite might I add, very beautiful; there is also the tabby, which is a very common one but is still a completely cute cat; another is the angora which is a delightful companion who is just oh-so-elegant; Maine Coon cats are gentle giants, and when I say giant, I mean giant; lastly I will list the Siamese, they are very demanding and sometimes, very... Er... Prissy... But they are still a fantastic feline.

5. Naming your kitty. Now, this is my last step of advice for you my darlings. I know it may seem tempting, but name your cat something mighty or beautiful or something that's just not something silly. Don't name your cat Fluffers or Mr. Puffykins or worst of all, FooFoo. Name your felis catus something absolutely astounding such as Vivienne or Harrison or Cornelius or maybe even Genevieve. Take it from me, I have cats named Romeo, Goliath, and Delilah.

So, thus concludes Freddie Mercury's Guide To Cats. I hope you enjoyed and I hope to see you and your cat companion one day. You should come to Garden Lodge! You can meet all my cats and-

Oh... Sorry...

Goodbye darlings! Have a most excessively fabulous day!

❤️

Freddie Mercury

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A/N

Idek what this was.

Well, expect more Queen guides :)

Y'all have a nice day