hotline bling » jack gilinsky

sixteen

kendall's pov

jack's lips curl into a smile, "what?" he breathes.

"i want to be with you." i enunciate, carefully this time.

"i know what you said, but i'm just taking in the news. you want to be with me?" his smile grows even bigger, if that were even possible.

i nod my head, not wanting to disappoint him with my next words, but how do i even say it or word it? it's going to obviously take time and we can't just jump into dating again.

"i haven't really worked out the details with travis." i bite my top lip and his facial expression drops.

"just go over to his place and break up with him." jack shrugs like it's no big deal.

only if it were that easy...

"i can't just do that. we've been together for a long time." i tell him.

"together." he mocks. "we dated even longer than you and that bastard. if i could get rid of madison in a split second, you can get rid of travis."

"it wasn't a split second. more like a few days and you chose her over me." i emphasize.

his eyes widen in disbelief, "i did not choose her over you!" he voice raises slightly. "i was trying to explain and apologize, but you kept pushing me away. you were the one that caused the separation, so i eventually gave up on trying."

if he could just give up on me that easily in the beginning, maybe we weren't meant for each other? jack stands up straight and i put all of my weight onto one foot, awkwardly standing there.

"i want to be with you. so badly." he softly says, grabbing my hands. "if you want to be with me too, you'll leave travis. you can't have two guys at once."

"i know that, jack." i mutter.

"then what's so hard about it? it shouldn't be this difficult to tell him that you two are done." he reassuringly squeezes my hands.

"i can't do it so suddenly because i still have feelings for him! i still love him." i whisper the last part. "just because i'm regaining feelings for you, that doesn't mean all of my feelings for him completely evaporated." i mumble to him.

jack let's go of my hands quickly and nods his head. i can't pretty much see the hurt and fear take over his face. he turns on his feet and walks down the hall, toward his room. i follow behind him.

"jack." i groan. "don't do this."

now i'm the one chasing him. literally.

"i'm not doing anything." he stops in his tracks and turns around to face me. "i'm just waiting for you to figure out what you really want." he gives me a weak smile, shrugging and that's when i know that i've hurt his feelings.

my heart practically breaks into little pieces as i see him enter his room and shut his door behind him, leaving me standing like a fool outside. i bite the inside of my cheek, somewhat frustrated with his childish behavior.

"i heard a door shut, what happened?" johnson pops out from the other end of the hall with asia's head peeking through.

"he's a little mad because i told him that i couldn't just break up with travis that easily. this is so goddamn hard." i complain and johnson purses his lips to the side, speaking up.

"aren't you mad too?"

"yes, with how he was acting." i truthfully say, crossing my arms over my chest. "he needs to learn how to grow up. we're not sixteen anymore!"

"want me to go talk to him for you?" he asks.

"no, it's fine. asia and i are just gonna leave. let him cool down a bit and once he has, text me okay?" i instruct and he nods. "thank you."

asia hands me my purse and i storm out of that house. anger and sadness both taking over me. i want to cry because he's being so difficult and because i'm so angry with him.

"what the hell actually happened?" asia asks me as she gets into the drivers side, starting up the car.

"i told you the truth with johnson. also, jack might've been a little upset because i told him that i still love travis." i sigh, realizing how stupid i must've sounded and how sad that probably made him.

"yup, that definitely triggered something. why would you say that to him?" she gapes at me.

"he kept on bugging me about why i couldn't just dump travis. you and i both know that i can't just do that in a blink of an eye."

"here, kendall." asia starts. "i'm going to give you a little advice; make up a plan. bring travis out to eat somewhere and then slowly transition into how you both are incapable."

my eyebrows pull together, "what do i say if he asks why? what if he goes all crazy on me."

"think of something on the spot. i know that you truly love him, but for god's sake, kendall, the boy hasn't even asked you out yet and it's been what? almost eight months of whatever you guys have been doing. messing around."

her words are completely true and i slump in my seat. i can't tell travis about the whole not dating because then he'll say something like 'we can date if you want', so that i don't break up with him.

"it's difficult from your perspective, but it really isn't that difficult in real life." she continues. "you're making it harder for yourself."

i've had enough with everyone turning against me and not respecting my decision, theories and thoughts.

i let out a dramatic sigh, "when should i do it?"

"do what?" asia asks me.

"take travis out." i roll my eyes.

"whenever you feel ready. i know jack said that he'd wait for you, but i'm thinking after today, he might have changed his mind. you have less time and the clock is ticking." she tells me. "don't wear anything sexy because then he'll want to indulge in you more."

"do you want me to wear sweatpants and a crewneck?" i narrow my eyes at her.

"doubt you own any of those." she snorts, jokingly.

"it doesn't even matter what i wear. he's seen me at my best and at my worst."

"and at your naked." she adds and her comment makes me laugh.

only asia can make me smile during times like this. i feel like maybe this is why our bond is bigger than with any of the other girls.

"shut up." i say in between laughs.

"think about the place you want to take him, what you're going to say and all of that stuff. make sure your explanation makes sense or else he's gonna know something's up." she turns all serious again, making my laughing halt.

"something is up. i want to get back with my ex-boyfriend!" i exclaim to her.

"you can't let travis know that. he'd literally kill jack."

once again, i am facing a lose-lose situation. getting jack means losing travis. keeping travis means losing jack.

*

it's late at night and i've just been laying in bed. i flaked when it came to breaking up with travis. i can't do that. my phone suddenly begins to tepidly buzz on my nightstand and i reach over to grab it. jack's caller id comes up.

that can only mean one thing...

"kendall? you're still awake? listen, i just wanted to apologize for earlier and the way i acted." he rambles without giving me a second to reply.

maybe johnson did end up talking to him.

"choose whatever you want to. it's your choice and if you're happy with travis, why should i get in the way of that? anyway, i just wanted to call you and tell you that. i love you." he hangs up right after those words.

those three little words.

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