Not Your Own Thoughts

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Despite Victor's awkward departure Ava was pleased with their short but efficient encounter. She was finishing her glass of wine sitting now alone at Vesuvio restaurant, when as agreed, Chloe called.

"Hey, Ava, pretend this is an emergency if you want!"

"That's ok, Chloe, he's not here."

"No? Where is he?"

"He had to go, he said he had an urgent meeting."

"Those workaholics, don't worry Ava, dad said those consultants rarely have any free time and if they do, they might need to go back to work on short very notice. Anyway, did you like him?"

"He was nice, he even gave me a CD to listen to."

"Another music geek!" mocked Chloe.

"Yes, you can say so."

"Okay, well, listen to it, maybe he's that romantic type who gives girls songs instead of flowers," said Chloe.

"Maybe."


Ava walked back home, she took in the fresh air and smelled the proverbial roses. Maybe there are decent men on earth after all, she thought. She treated herself to a nice bubble bath, poured herself another glass of wine, since it seemed to agree with her and turned on the music she got from Victor. She wondered if she should pay special attention to the lyrics to figure out what Victor wanted to say but preferred to express his thoughts this way but it was smooth instrumental jazz - one of her favorites genres.

Half way into the first melody she felt a tear drop slide down her cheek. What the...? She thought. Suddenly she started sobbing uncontrollably reliving the painful cheating incidents with Barry. She remembered how awkward she was at school, never hanging out with the cool kids, with her nose in her books. That's probably why she became a journalist but still, the memory felt traumatic. She wondered why Victor would even want to go out with her, on second thought he probably didn't. As soon as he saw her he must have texted a friend to call him so he could make his elegant escape. And the CD? Something to remember him by? He probably just didn't want to seem as rude as he was when she figured out.

And her parents - why did they abandon me? She wondered for the first time in her life. She never resented them but now she did. She was just a baby, how could they have turned their back on her like that? To leave a little child behind? What parents do that?

What is going on with me? She wondered. Where was the Ava from this morning? The happy, free, empowered Ava? All those dark thoughts didn't seem her own, yet she kept thinking them.

Meldrick! She thought, that's who I need to talk about. I bet he can help me out. She closed her eyes and relaxed her tense body. Was she being crazy to talk to strange being from a different dimension that probably wasn't even real? I wonder what Dr. Lobanov would make of this now - me deliberately choosing a dream as a source of help. She awaited Meldrick's arrival. Why did he even start coming to her? What if he had never appeared? Would she still be in thick of her wedding preparations? Was it his fault she broke up with Barry? Did he really appear in her dreams or did she make this all up? Am I going crazy?

She tried again. She closed her eyes and thought of...Dr. Lobanov making fun of her for believing in Meldrick and telling her to take a double doze of prozac. She then thought of Glenn telling her he can't help her - those dreams she's having aren't even real and she needs traditional medicine to solve her problems. What's going on with me? Thought Ava. This was going out of hand, the instrumental smooth jazz was not so smooth at all.

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