Second Chance (a North and South tale)

Chapter 49: How the world collapsed

John

Richard died!

Margaret! What will she do know? What pain and sorrow must she go through once more!

I visited her yesterday and by her responses, it did not seem likely that she would crave my presence in such dire times. And yet, Mr. Bell requested my help. How could I ignore that?

There would be a funeral to attend to, one that Margaret was not allowed to go to. She must be consoled on her own.

Who else would help her overcome her sorrows? Higgins? His daughter maybe? Maybe the young and handsome Spaniard would come and console her, finally making an appearance again after her mother's death. Maybe he will even make a claim on her, now that her parents were gone and nothing held her back in Milton or even in England.

What if their alliance was kept a secret by her because her parents had disapproved of the match? She said that her father knew of her whereabouts. Did she lie or ds there some information that skips my notice?

However, either way, that the situation may turn out, I had to act on Mr. Bells request. I would come, and if she won't have me I will leave in that instant.

Richard was a dear friend to me and I will miss him and our lessons terribly, but the only thing I could think about was how his death might affect her. She has nobody left in Milton. Will she leave for London? Would her relations put a claim on caring for her from now on? Would her removal from Milton make her happy or would it be painful? Did I have any say in it?

Of course, I didn't. She will be leaving Milton behind, as well as myself, and very soon.

I wrapped up my things and left a note to be taken to mother so she won't wonder about my whereabouts if it turned out that they actually needed my help.

My mind was racing all the way towards her house, so I didn't even realize at first how I got to be in Crampton. I became merely aware of my surroundings when I stood in front of the door to Margaret's home and subconsciously knocked onto the door. It took some time for it to be opened to me, so I knocked several times without anything happening at all.

Eventually, after the third time I knocked and nearly left, there was some commotion on the inside and moments later a helpless Mr. Bell came out of it. His face flashed relieve when he saw me and already wanted to forcefully usher me inside the house.

"Thornton, I am glad that you are here, you see Margaret..."

He did not get any further with his explanation as we suddenly heard a loud crash. It sounded as if some kind of glass was damaged.

We immediately stopped our conversation and ran into the house, afraid of the scene which might unfold inside. At the entrance to the parlor, I came to a stop, not believing my eyes. Margaret stood by the fireplace, in a hysteric haze she was damaging every piece of the furnishings in the room, including the vases and pictures on the wall, crashing them down so they smashed and a great pile of shards was forming on the floor.

"I don't know what's happening. Until now she did not move at all. I was afraid of her going into too much shock as she didn't flinch in some hours, and now this!" Bell sounded quite exasperated as if he was at loss for once.

Mr. Bell ran towards her and tried to stop her – with very little success. I have seen her in so many moods, most of the time she was too proud to show her true feelings. An outburst such as this was something I would have never imagined to see.

After freeing myself from my shocked state, I made my way towards them in two long strides and took Margaret out of Bells grasps, as she was just about to break out again. She struggled to get out of my suffocating embrace for some seconds, but when she noticed that it was no use fighting me, she sunk in as if every power and energy left her body at once. I had to hold on to her firmly or she would have fallen onto the ground.

It pained me to see her like this. She had no energy left, no ambition to go on it would seem. This was not the Margaret I came to know, the one I came to love. I held her even stronger in my arms, trying to comfort her, although I was sure that she would not want my comfort and that she would have pushed me away at once if only she had any energy or conviction left to do so.

As it was now, she was still in my arms shaking. Within the next seconds the slight shaking of her body, which was something akin to a slight shiver, turned into heavy sobs, which came over her and made her shake because of the overpowering emotions she had to be feeling.

I forgot that we were not the only persons in the room, but was soon returned to reality when Bell reached out and touched my shoulder to get my attention. Remembering the position he was seeing me and Margaret in and the way I forcefully dragged her away from him and into my arms, I was slightly embarrassed to look into his eyes.

"I will go into the kitchen and look for something to make her, so she might eat. Her servant hasn't returned yet, so I will try to find something. Look after her for me, will you? It could take longer than usual to prepare a meal, I am not used to making something on my own."

He finished his statement by simply walking out of the room and leaving me and Margaret on our own. Her sobs turned into tears and when I shifted she grasped the collar of my coat and cried into my chest. I did not know whether it was intentional, but I did not care. This was exactly the way I imagined myself to comfort her at the funeral of her mother. I could not do it then, but I would do it now, as the opportunity presented itself. At least I could do her this service, even if it would be the last thing I could do for her.

As if it was the most natural thing for me to do, my hands moved and slowly rubbed her back, to give her some more comfort. I remembered the movement from my childhood when my mother comforted me after father's death.

She leaned into me and I continued further in that way, as I believed her to relax into my embrace at last. I felt the notion to say something, but nothing remotely suitable came to my mind. I had to carefully pick out my words, so I wouldn't run the risk of hurting her feelings again.

"He was a great man, your father." I started. I felt her stiffen in my arms, but shortly after that she calmed again and I continued talking. "He was like a father to me. You should know that he will always have a special place in my heart and memory. He was very much liked and he will be honored in Milton, I am sure of it."

She shifted and when I looked at her I found her eyes searching mine. Her soulful eyes were deep and showed a great amount of the pain that she felt in her heart and my wish to kiss her grew stronger with every second that she looked at me. She should not be exposed to such sorrow. I wish I could take it from her, but god knows I can't.

Then I saw a tear slip out of her eye and I caught it with my hand, gently caressed her cheek. When she still didn't look away from me, I felt encouraged to dare to come even closer to her than I already was. I kissed her cheek where it was still stained with her tear. Her gaze grew darker and she turned her beautiful mouth upwards, so I could reach it. I was about to kiss her when we heard a knock on the door, which made us separate immediately.

We heard Bell running up the stairs and half screaming towards us, that he would open it, that we should not mind, but the moment was already gone. She turned away from me and towards one of the windows, looking exactly the way she looked when she explained that she did not love me and never has, on the day after the riot. Defeated I turned away as well, there was nothing left for me here. 

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