Second Chance (a North and South tale)

Chapter 24: What father never told

Frederick   

I climbed down the stairs towards the parlor, where a dim light was still shining. I smiled silently. My little sister is in love. Only to bad that I can not be at her wedding. This thouhgt brought me a sour mood, a scowl set firmly on my face now. I sometimes whished I had acted differently. Or the Captain didnt survive. Eighter way, my life would have been a lot easier.

Still, I maybe would have never met my sweetheart Dolores in Spain. Maybe some misfortunes are for the better.  It could be after all that everything in this world happened for a reason. Or its just about being in the right place in the right time. 

I was torn out of my philosophical reverie when father cleared his throat to get my attention. I was so deep in thought that I didnt even manage to notice that I reached my destination already. 

"What is it my boy? You seem to be so deep in thought."

Yes, I was, but should I tell him? It's Margarets personal affair, after all. If she wished father to know she would tell him, wouldnt she? Or maybe she wouldnt. And it would be only fair if father knew about this new developement. I will be leaving soon again, I cant help her than - somebody here should know. 

"I talked to Margaret." A smal smile spread across my face, it was just nice to be able to talk to my family if it was the most normal thing in the world, because for me it wasnt. "It seems like she is forming an attachement." I said as frankly as possible.

"Is she?" He wasnt to surprised, that irretated me a little. But I shouldnt forgett, father was very attentive towards Margaret. Of course he had noticed some change. 

"You knew?" I asked him, although I knew the answer already.

"I waited for it. The tension between them was just to strong. It was only a matter of time till they found out about their feelings for one another. Though he found them much earlier than her."

"He..?"

"Yes, he loves her. And very deeply I might add. He is only waiting for the right time to ask her.... you know about a matter of matrimony." He said with a light smile on his lips. 

"Really!" I was in shock. Although I wasnt surprised that someone took his interest in my sister, she was very beautiful.

"Yes, he would be delighted to hear these news."

"Wait, no. She said she wasnt sure of her feelings just jet. But I saw it in her eyes. I just think she is still afraid of those feelings, you shouldnt interfere, they will find their way through this. Promise me, you wont interfere father!"

"Alright, I wont. But you must know that this is a great comfort for me. I know the fellow very well. He is a decent, down to earth guy, who will take good care of her. I think they will have every happiness. And than I wont have to worry about Margaret anymore, for the case that I .... decease unexpectanly."

I was in shock. Was he ill? Was he also dying?

"Father what are you talking about? You look very  well, I doubt that you should be concerned about yourself. Your in perfect heath, and you will guide her to the alter. I am sure of it and I dont want to hear anything else." I started raising my voice at the end. I couldnt believe it. Just because mother was ill he started to overthink and imagine himself to be diseased as well. 

"Listen son, I know what you think. I also thought it to be my imagination. But i think my doctor and the facts think otherwise. I am sorry to tell you, but imagination is not a part of my condition."

"How long?" I was aghast. Now he, too.

"It could be years, or only months, the doctors arent sure yet. But please promise me one thing for now, dont tell Margaret. Please."

"How can you keep such news from her? You should.."

"Please. I beg you." I didnt want to grant him his wish, but who was I to decide. It was his decision. I should obey it, he was still my father. 

"Yes, I wont tell anybody." My voice wavered a little, I started to realise what I just heard. I and Margaret were about to lose our father. We will be orphans.

"You should go to bed. It was a long day today." 

"Yes father, it was." I said shaking my head. He was just brushing it of. I whished I could be able to do that. Be immune to every bad occurence in my life. 

I stumbled through the dark rooms until I found the room of Dixon, which was my current residence. I shook of my waistcoat of and let myself sink into the very smal and uncomfortable plank bed. But I couldnt sleep. It wasnt because of the bed, nor because of the to dark room or the musty air in the room. I was going to lose my mother and my father and I cant do anything about it. It was this thought which didnt let me rest in peace. I rolled over and over in my bed, never finding a comfortable position. 

I couldnt tell her. It was his whish. But she would have Mr. Thornton by her side by that time, well I hope so. And if not I will help them, or take her to spain. She will always have family, because I am her family. I will never leave her alone. 

With this decided I finally found the peace I needed to fall asleep.