Second Chance (a North and South tale)

Chapter 42: Trying to mend it

John

After I searched for her in the dark streets, I ran to the home of the Hales all the way to Crampton. I hoped that she was already home and safe, if not I will search for her all night if I have to. I ran up the few stairs which are leading towards their door and knocked a little bit too forcefully. 

To my surprise, Margaret opened the door herself. The first thing I felt was relieved, the second was anxiety. I was relieved that she had made it home, without coming to any harm, but I was anxious how she would receive me now. I wasn't exactly viewed as a welcome guest. I stood there, awkwardly shifting my weight from one to the other foot and hoped she would not notice how nervous I was, despite telling myself to calm down. Some minutes passed with her looking me into the eyes and me looking back into hers when she suddenly stepped away from the door and gave me room to enter. After I hesitated for some moments, uncertain of what to do, I went inside. When I passed her I only saw her looking at the floor, as if anything she could see there caught her attention more that my presence ever could. 

Without using any words, she showed me towards the parlor. I knew my way well from all the former meetings with Richard, discussing classics by the lingering fire and leisurely drinking tea. I remembered that one time when Margaret was serving tea for me. I remember watching her bracelet fall every time she poured the hot tea into another empty cup. 

How different things were now from today! 

When we arrived at the small room, I took the seat at the fire, the place I always occupied when I came to visit. After seeing me getting comfortable in the chair, she swept out of the room, only to reemerge with a tray with biscuits and tea and with the announcement that she had informed her father of my visit and that he will be present in no time. 

I felt disappointed. She didn't even try to talk to him for a minute, she destroyed this possibility of them talking on their own for once by sending for her father. When she sat, after she poured me and herself a cup of tea, silence filled the air between us. I wanted it to stop, the sound of her demonstratively saying nothing nagged at me every second it lasted. There had to be a way for me to make her talk to me, to make us work this out. 

"Ma..Miss Hale, I have been meaning to talk to you lately." 

Silence.

"I tried to do so in the Princeton district but you did not let me then."

That was met with even more silence.

"You know what I cannot but think. I am sorry if I do you wrong, but cant you imagine how hard  it is for me to believe otherwise?"

She turned away from me, grabbing a book from the shelf in the process, making her silent protest even more evident. 

I stood up, walked towards her in two long strides and kneeled in front of her.

"Don't ignore me, answer me! Am I unjust by believing something so evident?" 

She turned her beautiful face even further away from me.  I thought I saw tears glisten in her eyes, but she wouldn't let me see what she was feeling. She wanted to mask her true emotions from me with her seemingly haughty countenance. I saw her struggling, fighting me off, and that made me angry with her. Without thinking I stood up und turned her chin forcedly towards me. The look on her face which I was greeted with shocked me.

Away went the haughty look, there was only one sentiment apparent in her features. Hurt. There was hurt in her eyes and immediately all anger inside me vanished. The only feeling which resided inside of me was repentance and self-loathing. Couldn't I have trusted her from the start? And yet the image of the young good looking man hindered everything. 

My hold on her chin softened and I slowly let loose of her face only to make my hand wander to caress her cheek in a very guarded way. Her facial expression did not change all the while. The moment lasted for some seconds, but it was quickly gone as she jerked her face away from my touch as if she suddenly noticed that she was burned by it. 

Her gaze settled on the door and her eyes slightly widened. When I turned into the direction she was looking I saw Richard standing in the doorway watching us with an unintelligible expression set on his face. I took a step away from Margaret at once, but that wasn't necessary anymore as she stood up and made her way out of the parlor, passing her father and vanishing into another part of the house. 

"I think..." Richard began after watching after his daughter walking up the stairs. "We have to talk."