Second Chance (a North and South tale)

Chapter 43: Dear Fred

As I said earlier in the letter, I believed someone was watching us saying goodbye at the station. There are a lot of indications that that man was Mr. Thornton himself. Now you can imagine what he was thinking. His fiance was outside after dark with a gentleman he did not know.

Of course, I hoped that he would trust me, but I was wrong to believe that. He thought you were my lover and we were meeting there under the protection of the dark. Although I denied it and told him that it was different than it seemed, he did not believe me. He was deadlocked in the idea that I was cheating on him.

Since then it became even more difficult for me to be myself around father. He should not know of anything that has happened, I don't want to burden him with my own challenges.

Every time I see him, he is showering his new accusations upon me. I don't know if I have the courage and the strength to hold up any longer. I am scared. First I was only scared for your sake, and yet, now that I know that you are in Spain and that there is no risk for you now, I still have nightmares. One person after another one is leaving my life and I dearly hope, my beloved brother, that I will be able to turn towards you and your lovely new family in a time of crises.

I hope I did not dwell on an oppressive content for too long, I don't want to burden you, too. I hope your wife is well and that her delivery of your first child will go well. I am so honored that you want to name the child after me if it is a girl. I am sure this child will be very happy, with having parents like you and your lovely wife.

Please, greet every member of your Spanish family and tell them that I would be delighted to visit some time, when the circumstances will allow it.

I love you brother and I hope we will see each other in the near future.

Your sister

Margaret

I was slightly aware of someone talking in one of the rooms downstairs. It was probably Mr. Thornton talking to my father. I sincerely hope the only thing they will indulge their time with is the education in classical literature and nothing else.

Now, after I wrote some pages with the depth of my feelings of misery I have finally achieved that I felt a little less at war with the world. I didn't even know if I was ever going to post it, the morning will decide it.

Not only did I feel a stinging pain in my wrist from holding the pencil to firm, the writing made me realize the extent of my exhaustion. After pulling off one piece of clothing after another, I finally fell asleep under the covers of my bed, but only after I heard the sound of the front door of our house being closed off.

John 

To forget what had happened the last time I saw Margaret I plunged myself into work again. There was a lot to do and I had to get my thoughts into the right direction. My talk with Richard did not help at all to keep my thoughts in check. 

The evenings got late these last days as I was working long hours. I had been working in the office already for some hours when the workers came and still remained there when they returned home. And still, after this work was done, I did not see a way of gaining more profit to keep the mill working. I hoped the crisis would pass, but the more I recalculated the more I felt that it would be a real miracle if I will survive this difficult time. 

Every evening I would stand up and watch the men go by my office window, talking, walking side by side anxious to get home and rest after a tiring day of work. Often, I would see Higgins walk by and we nodded towards each other. 

Tonight, some time after the workers left but the noise did not cease, I stood up from my work again and looked out of the window into the courtyard. A little boy was sitting on the ramp, studying a book in his hands. When I looked more closely, I remembered his face, it was one of the children Higgins took care of. Why were they still here? What did Higgins plan again?

I went outside and walked towards the boy, sat next to him, but he only noticed my presence when I helped him read a difficult word. He finally looked up.

'Where is Higgins?' I asked him. 

'He's finishin' som'thin'.' He mumbled under his breath, his eyes turned towards his book again. 

'Did you have a good supper?' I enquiered.

'Mary wen' to th' butsher t'day but she aint made no meat.'

'Measter.' Higgins said behind me. I turned and saw some of my men go out of the mill, saluting me while walking to the door. 

'Higgins. What were you doing here, work was finished an hour ago.' I asked him, my suspicion raised.

'We finished work.' This reply did only increase my suspicion.

'I wont pay for those hours, you are well aware of that I hope.'

'Aye, Sir. Let my explain meself Measter. If you go down, no one will take my on, I reckon. And I wouldn't 'ave any money left for those children.'

'He told me he didnt have supper today. He would have more energy to study if his stomach was full.'

'Aye, we eat somedays good meat, others nothin' fit for a dog. That's our life.'

'If I would pay you a little bit less, I could arrange for a lunchroom. A good meal for everyone once a day.'

'Be careful. Someone might take ya' to the masters union for talkin' so.' That statement made me smile just slightly.

'If the hands eat well they work well. And the other masters can say what they want to me, if they dot see the profit of that then they are stupid. And they all are diots.'

He smiled his mischievous smile at that and I saw some respect in his expression when he spoke again.

'There's a room that aint bein' used. It could do well for a lunchroom.'

'You did bring your brain with you today, didnt you?'

'Well, I 've been trying to keep them at home, but they just come with me anyway.' I laughed out straigt at that. I have forgotten how it felt like to laugh.

I streched out my hand and he took it. It was a handshake of two who started to understand each other and feel some respect for one another. 

We bade our fare wells and he took the little boy by the hand, leading him out of the gates of the courtyard on their way home, while I was still standing there, watching after them. 

I somehow understood Margarets sympathy for him know. He was not quite as I had expected.