Second Chance (a North and South tale)

Chapter 36: Wedding bells

Hey, its me. I have a problem, or to put it more correctly I have made a mistake when I updated the last chapter. I was writing and wasn't half way through and somehow I accidentally hit the update button... So I updated it shortly afterwards again, the complete version of it. I don't know how many of you already read the short version of it. At the end of the new/long one her father is speaking with John. If you can't recall that, just read the last chapter again. Thanks. :*
P.S. there are going to be exactly 30 more chapters to this story, including this one.

John

It has been several weeks since I was banned from the family home of the Hale's. I placed the ring back in its box, but let it stand openly on my desk in my bedroom, as an constant reminder of what I had lost, whether she had been truthful or not. Although I believed her the second I saw that look in her eyes. That hurt look, which haunted me in my dreams every night.

Mother didn't ask at first, but she grew more and more restless, so I made it easier for her and myself and decided to tell her that I just didn't ask her and thought it better to wait some time longer. Now she thinks that I didn't have the courage to ask her and maybe I never would.

But this was not the time to decide the full extend of my failure in losing her trust, her hand and her love in the cause of one irrational act caused by merely a situation which looked like betrayal and my own endless jealousy.

Today was Fanny's wedding day. I wasn't particularly happy with her choice of a husband, but I was glad, that with the failure of the mill I only have the responsibility of looking after mother. Not her also. Her extravagant wishes have to be financed by her husband now. It will be his problem, not mine. I feel like selling her off, but She decided her own fate. If this Union shall make her unhappy, I will remember that she brought it upon herself. It is not my fault, neither is it my place as her brother to forbid her.

Today I wore my best suit, I will look "happy" for the sake of my sister, smile and will listen to congratulations on an advantageous match, without scowling at them. I will hand over my sister to holy matrimony without thinking of Margaret at all. Just trying to think of her and I will be in utter misery. I would not able to play the role of the happy brother.

After I went out of our home and stepped into the carriage I had to wait another thirty minutes until Fanny was entirely finished with her wedding finery. The moe I foced a cheerfull expression onto my face the harder it was.

I just wanted this ordeal to be overr and as quickly as posible. Fanny was squealing and seemed never to be exhausted of talking about all the wedding arangements they had made. The amount of words she could  waste on speaking about her dress and the following wedding breakfast apparently was inexhaustible. I didnt even try to listen to any of it, until she mentioned something that made my heart stopp.

She invited the Hale's. Only out of courtesy of course, she said, as I heard her explain. Now she broke into a full speach about how she actually didnt want them there, but felt like she was forced to show her good will towards the "poor" of our society. To tell the truth, I didnt want them there eighter, but I had totaly different motives. I was still hurt, and I was afraid of looking into Richards eyes. She was disinclined towards them because of her pride, I on the other hand, because for me it would be nearly impossible to withstand.

All those long days after my rash confrontation my brain was fighting my heart. My concience told me I did wrong by not trusting her enough, my brain says that she played me all along. And she knew exactly how to avoid me. She did it with skill. All the invitations that were send to Crampton were pleasantly declined. I didnt see her at the church on sunday, she wasnt to be found walking through the streets nor the stores, I never saw her once in all this time.