Well I posted pictures up on facebook and I got alot of girls crushing on me.These girls are only my friends though but it'll be kinda awkward when I see them again *chuckles*.Although I'm not gonna let it ruin my friendships its just a crush they have it should pass.
My friends are just gonna stay my friends because I have one of the most beautiful people in the whole world.Out of all the people in the world they picked me the trans teen and stayed by my side.You know she doesn't know how much I love her and I would never hurt her again.It's so hard sometimes because she doesn't realise how much I actually care for her or how much I love her.She asks me things sometimes like once or twice.She asks me if I like anyone else and my reply is always no because I don't.
I love her so so much and she's the person I can see my future with.The person that I marry and have kids with.I can't imagine my life without her in fact when we break up I get so angry and upset.We argue over the stupidest of things but I still love her even if I feel like I should hate her.I could never hate her and if she's reading this I hope she understands how much she means to me.I have done so many different things, tried new things and she's always been there.We try new things together.Without her I may not know how to ice skate (even though I'm not that good) she helped me try to swim, she helped me when I was an beginner cyclist.I gave myself to her and she gave herself to me.She's my everything.
She's the first thing I think of in the morning and before I go to sleep.Sometimes when I look at my chest and feel like hurting myself (that's my way of coping with my body) I think of her.It hurts me that I was born a girl and I have this body but she's how I cope and how I survive like this.I feel like I can talk to her about almost everything sure I have anger, trust issues, jealousy and mild depression but she helps me out.I try my best to help her but she says that things "don't matter".They matter too me...
I love her and I hope she knows that and I hope she knows I don't want to be with anyone else.
YOU ARE READING
My ftm transgender journal
Random*waves* Hi my name is Blayse and this is my ftm journal I will be writing this through my life until I finally transition.Can't wait for that day! anyway here's my journal and here's a step into my life.I'm just glad I'm not hiding anymore!
