Give Your Heart A Break

Chapter Ten

PAYTON P.O.V

I walked back into my room feeling a lot better than when I had left.  Harry was the cause of that. He seemed so sincere when he told me who wouldn't hurt me. I believed him. I wanted to let someone in for the first time since my sister's death and that scared the hell out of me, but deep down I knew I needed to. This was no way to live. I felt lonely all the time, I was exhausted from it. But a little voice in my head told me to take this one step at a time.

I grabbed my guitar and sat down on my bed before pulling out my old notebook from my night stand. I traced my finger over the front cover tracing my name written on it when i was in primary school. I have had this notebook for years, I would write everything in it, all of my deepest darkest thoughts, song lyrics, quotes, everything. This book has always been my release and because of that I won't let anybody touch it, if they did it was like them staring right into my soul seeing me completely naked. I opened it up to a new page and started jotting some lyrics down. Keira informed me she wouldn't be coming home tonight as she was meeting up with her girlfriends that lived in London and staying at one of their places so I was happy I wouldn't have any interruptions. I usually wrote a song to release emotions, it always helped me and music was my lifesaver after Melissa passed. I constantly felt a war going in my head, my head was screaming hysterically telling me most days to just run away from everything and curl up in a ball and cry and cry and even hurt myself like my sister did, then another part of me was emotionless, numb, unwilling to feel anything, not allowing me to be happy, sad or even mad and that was the side I let show on the outside. Music allowed me to get this all out and tell my story.

Tonight was a turning point for me, to let my guard down, to allow myself to be happy for once.

As soon as my pen hit the paper the words unspoken flowed through my fingertips and onto the paper and sooner than I knew it I already had a few verses.

I'm only up when you're not down

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

It's like no matter what I do

Well, you drive me crazy half the time

The other half I'm only trying

To let you know that what I feel is true

And I'm only me when I'm with you

Just a small town boy and girl

Living in the crazy world

Trying to figure out what is and isn't true

And I don't try to hide my tears

The secrets, all my deepest fears

Through it all nobody gets me like you do

I started strumming my guitar singing the lyrics I just wrote and smiled to myself. I already loved this song. This song wasn't necessarily about Harry, it was just about letting your guard down in general to someone, which suited my life perfectly right now. A yawn interrupted my thoughts to remind me of the time. I looked over at the clock and realised it was already 2am. I decided to call it a night and put away my book and guitar and snuggled under my covers, drifting off to a peaceful sleep void of any nightmares and a smile on my face.

**

Its been 2 weeks since that night at Starbucks and Harry and I had been spending a lot of time together. I enjoyed his company immensely, when I was him I could forget about the world for a little bit.

It was a sunny saturday and we were both laying on our backs soaking up the sun by the little stream I discovered here on my first day. We had brought our guitars down and we had been singing and playing our guitars doing stupid little covers of our favourite songs for what seemed like hours now. Now we were lying on our backs looking up at the clear blue sky in complete silence. The silence wasn't awkward just peaceful. I looked at Harry from the corner of my eye, he was quite beautiful, his chocolate curls were swept across his ivory coloured face, his green eyes shining bright and intense and his plump pink lips slightly parted. I knew Harry had feelings for me but he never pushed it, I was also starting to realise I had developed some feelings for him to but I couldn't go there, not just yet.

Harry turned to look at me propping his head up, leaning on his elbow. He showed of his cute dimples as he smiled at me.

"What?" I said turning to him trying to hide my smile from him. That grin of his was too contagious.

"You were staring at me." He stated, not once his grin leaving his face.

"Was not!" I huffed before laying back down on my back. Soon he followed suit.

We stayed silent for a while before he broke the silence.

"What are you thinking about Pay?" He asked me so quietly I almost didn't hear him.

"Everything and nothing at the same time." I replied just as quiet. In truth I was thinking about Melissa. I had such a good time today but there was always that nagging thought in my head yelling at me saying how could you be having fun while Melissa is dead!

A tear escaped my eye before Harry quickly wiped it away.

"Pay can you tell me what broke you? I don't like seeing you like this and having no idea why."

I took a deep breath. He did deserve to know. Truth is I haven't told him because I didn't want to have to relive the nightmare.

I began telling the story, unwilling to look in his eyes. I didn't want to see sympathy, I was over the sympathetic looks. After I finished he was silent for a long time, drinking in the information I just told him. After a while he spoke.

"Im so sorry Pay. But she would want you to be happy." he whispered scooting closer to me.

"Your sorry? God I hate it when people say that! What am I supposed to do with a 'I'm sorry'. How will that possibly lessen my grief. And what do you mean 'she would want you to be happy'? You didn't know her Harry! Hardly anyone did! And why should I be happy? Melissa never was and I obviously didn't do a good enough job as a sister otherwise she would still be here. So what the hell gives me the right to be happy?!" I screamed, angry tears rolling down my face. I knew I had gone a bit overboard at him but I was so angry with his cliche reply. I don't know what I wanted him to say but not that. I grabbed my guitar and ran away from him. I could hear him calling my name but I refused to look back and ran until I reached my dorm. I ran in and slammed the door behind me before sliding down it and bursting out in sobs.

Hey guys :) Now Im stoked that I got over 100 reads but Im greedy and want more ! :) Haha. No but seriously more reads + votes + comments = more, and quicker updates!! So tell your friends and whatever to read this story pwwweease :)