Just Some Game (Larry Stylinson)

8.

Let's face it,

Time is going to pass whether you want it to or not. It's going to happen.

For better or worse. Its going to, and theres nothing there to stop it. I wish I could. I wish I could stop Louis from fading. Stop him from pushing me away. Get Liam back. Apologize to Zayn. Eat an actual meal.

But what's done is done. And I don't know how to fix it. Here I sat in my last class of the day with my senior class men. Also known as, the most regretted year.

The regrets, oh the regrets. The things I hadn't done. The things I have over done. The things that I just flat out regreted all around.

And one was, meeting Louis.

It cuts deep to say things like that. But my words aren't the only thing that cuts deep these days. God, I wish I could stop it. I can't just walk up to him and be like, "I know what you do 9 o'clock every night cause I feel it."

That's right. That's how frequent it had become. Every single night. I wake up with raw skin. Raw, itchy skin. I can't even hide it anymore! Its all over my palms, because there's no room on his arms! My legs look awful!

Thank god high school only needs one gym credit. I can't wear short sleeved shirts. I can't wear shorts. And when it's the middle of summer, I'M BURNING .

So, you can say it has gotten pretty bad. It got really bad last year to where I thought it was good to call it a life time and get this over.

You guessed it, I walked in the bathroom pulled jars of pills of the cabinet behind the mirror. I was pumped and ready. But the second I closed the mirror. I didn't see my reflection; I saw Louis.

I dropped everything and fell apart. I realized what Louis does backfires on me, I didn't want to cause Louis more pain. Louis stopped vomiting, cause he had nothing in his stomach. That didn't stop me from every waking second I got to eat.

I never really talked to Louis after my attempt in ending the game. It's kind of like pressing the start button and signing out. No one really realizes what you've done until they realized you've canceled the game for everyone playing cause you were the first player.

All in all, if I hadn't met Louis that god awful day. None of this would be happening. I wouldn't have called Louis, not once but twice, fat. Cause the second times the charm, bastered.

Its like playing Mario Cart. It doesn't matter who's playing, whichever player is on top wins, all the time. I'm lead to believe Louis had the top half of the screen. And I need to find away to take control from there bottom.

Today, I had planned on getting Liam back because I'm tired of being alone. Liam doesn't really deserve my friendship. But I need him back. I need make something right somewhere. Even if it means an awful bond that's going to hang over my head til I die.

So the final bell eventually rang signaling the end of the day. I found my way to Liam and broke down in his arms. I was almost 100% Liam would push me away and tell me to leave, yet he didn't.

He held me back.

Liam is one of those people to have a temper, but he doesn't hold a grudge. I am thankful for that.

No words were said during our hug. I knew Liam didn't bully Louis anymore cause I would see it. Liam let out a choked sob signaling I wasn't the only one who needed this.

I knew nothing about Liam anymore and that's what hurt the most. Liam started getting harder to hold cause I was now taller then Liam. Even though I was a year younger.

Grateful that today was a Friday, I decided to have Liam over tonight. We caught up. I found out why Liam broke down.

And why he bullied Louis when he did.

Liam was just flat out confused with his sexuality. So that caused him to push Louis around, for hiding it. It didn't make sense, no, but bullying someone never makes sense.

The reason Liam broke down, it turns out Liam experimented. But like must experiments, it turned out bad. And just tore Liam.

The funny part I had to wrap my head around was that, his experimentie was Zayn. He was telling me how they were going at it again. Zayn ended up leaving him hanging because Liam wanted to know what had happen to his face.

So, it was like a train reaction. Every time Niall ended up beating Zayn every time he got out of Louis' field of vision. Louis. My thoughts always found a way to go back to him. Anyway, it turned out Liam just wanted to show more then sexual affection which caused Zayn to shut down.

"Wow, sounds a lot like something I'm going through."

I told him, I told him about Louis. I told him why I hit him 4 years ago. I showed him my arms. I showed him my thighs. I showed him my stomach. But not without an explanation.

At first he didn't believe me until the clock struck nine. I had him watch the cut randomly appear from one side of my hand to the other. At first he didn't fully react till I told him Louis did that.

I asked him to glance at Louis' hand and see. Liam agreed.

We ended up playing FIFA for the rest of the night. And fell asleep cuddling.

Glad things were starting to fall back into place.

~*~*~
I don't know what to do with this... Carry on .