Just Some Game (Larry Stylinson)

6.

New Years eve

You know those moments when you're not sure of what to do. You even feel the need to question weather there's anything to do, or anything I should do.

Do I hug him?

Should I kiss him?

Are we even to a point where I can do either?

Doesn't he hate me?

These questions could simply answered, if he'd just look at me. You can't just give someone so much attention, then just not the following day. I don't know, maybe I just need to much. Maybe I am that clingy friend that no one wants.

So if I start the hugs now. I won't be able to "let go". When the hugs stop, so does everything else. I can be a little over exaggerated but that's never the way it feels.

I could say, Hi. And not receive it back, I'd feel as if I'd done something wrong. I'd never think of why it had stopped, maybe their having a bad day? I haven't heard of a bad day lasting a week. Maybe they lost a family member, how would I know that without talking?

They said silence is the best medication. It's not ignore the man who had said that. Then when he feels the same as I, from being ignored. Come back to me, and talk to me.

So, I didn't hug Louis with 5 seconds left on the clock, nor 4, 3, 2, or even 1. But, the second it held the double zeros. I had caught his oceans drowning me.

When our eyes met that night, I felt like an explorer had finally found that bright blue puddle in the dark green forest. The puddle that had the forest growing and living.

I ended up figuring it out when the first set of fireworks went off in black and white. I wasn't only slow at talking but figuring things out.

I wanted to fall on the floor, pass out, and pretend the realization hadn't struck. I wanted to forget these passed few years. I wished I hadn't called Louis fat.

It all stacked in my brain. I knew it could be to good to be true. There's no good in what's happening.

He wasn't ignoring me, I heard his thoughts. I could feel his hesitation. I could feel his thighs flare. I could feel the itch in the back of his throat. I could feel his ribs his hip bones.

And it was all my fault.

What do I say?

I went with no words. I ended up hugging him. I knew if I wrapped my arms around his core, he'd crumble, so instead, I pulled him in by the shoulders.

Louis tried to restrain from hugging me back, but the shake of my voice gave away that I needed it, but Louis needed it more.

"I'm sorry Lou." Was all I could say before I let out a choked sob. I could feel his shoulder blades poke at my arms as he hugged me back.

"My New Years resolution is to get you better Lou. Even if it kills me cause it'll kill me before you, and I need you Louis."

I need you.

*~*~*