Eclipse of Hearts ✔

7. Opening Up [Alyssae]

Alyssae closed the door behind her and stepped on the porch, that was filled with colorful flowers. Her parents sat in a rocking bench. Father had wrapped his arm around his wife. Both looked up in surprise when they saw her.

Alyssae suppressed the longing to leave again and took place on the wooden balustrade, observing her parents. There were dark bags under the eyes of her mother and Alyssae knew she had been awake for nights. Her father also looked tired, which could be concluded from the defeated look in his eyes.

"Just ask whatever you want." She sighed when her father didn't seem to understand. "Ask your questions. I'm sick of all this whispering behind my back."

"Alys..."

"It's okay, dad. I mean it. I wasn't ready yet, but now I am."

She saw her mother had intertwined her fingers. "Why didn't you come back, Alyssae? Why did it take so long?"

Although Alyssae had hoped she didn't need to drag up the whole history by these questions, deep inside she had known there was no way to avoid it. "I was freed by dwarfs from the dungeons of the goblin. They were on their way to reconquer Erebor and I decided to go with them." She stared at the ground. "I wanted to see something of the world. I wanted to do something in return."

"What went wrong?" her father asked when he noticed the sad glimmer in her eyes.

She kept staring to the wooden planks beneath her feet. "I fell in love."

"With a dwarf?" There was no aversion in his voice, but he was surely surprised.

"Yes. With Thorin, Durin's heir, better known as Thorin Oakenshield. Heir of the dwarf kingdom of Erebor."

Her father stood up from the bench when he saw a tear glitter in the corner of her eye. She missed him so much she seemed to feel pain everywhere. 

"We knew it wouldn't work between us," Alyssae whispered, "but we still tried." She wiped her eyes clean. "I ruined it. He ruined it." She clenched her fists embittered. "But above all it was Thranduil who destroyed everything."

The eyebrows of her father raised in surprise. "Thranduil?"

"Our journey brought us to Mirkwood. I fell in the water and woke up in his kingdom, where Thranduin was waiting for me." For a moment it felt like Thranduin's hart bounced a little heavier in her chest and she laid her hand upon her skin. "In Mirkwood ... Thorin and I grew closer. We knew we had no future for I was already engaged to someone else, but we really loved each other, no matter how hard we tried to hide it." She bit on her lip. "Thranduil knew. He threw Thorin in the dungeons and tortured him until he was almost dead. Together with Thranduin we broke into the dungeons and he healed Thorin." Full of hate she looked up to her parents. "But that wasn't enough. Thranduil threatened to lock up all the dwarfs if I refused his terms. I had to give him his gems: the stars of pure starlight and the Arkenstone. If I refused, he would overrun Erebor. But even that was not enough. He cursed my womb, so that I could bear no children." Alyssae didn't gave her parents the chance to interrupt. She wanted to tell the whole story at once. "Until we reached Erebor, we were happy. Thranduin came with us. He was the one who broke our engagement because he knew my heart didn't belong to him. We defeated the dragon and everyone was floated by happiness. Except me." Her voice started to tremble. "I knew Thranduil had lied to me. The Arkenstone wasn't his. The stone belonged to the dwarfs: it was their most precious possession. When I - when I told Thorin, he lost his self-control. He tried to kill me, but Fíli jumped in front of me and died. I felt so guilty I drove a sword through my chest, but Thranduin gave his heart and brought me back. I - I returned to continue my life here, but I can't." She looked up to her parents. "When I came home, another lie came to light. I was not infertile. I carry Thorin's child."

"My dear child," was all her mother said and she wrapped her arms around her. "I don't know what to say or how I can help you."

Alyssae knew they couldn't. Although she loved them, it was Thorin who she needed. Not only because she was longing for him, but even more because their child needed his father. "I can't forget him, mom," she whispered. "I am so afraid his heart is only growing darker without me on his side. I have no idea how things are going and that ignorance... it's almost killing me." She wiped the tears from her cheeks, but they kept coming. "Fíli and Thranduin both loved me. They gave their lives so I could be with the one I loved and now we're still miles apart." She stroked her belly. "I wrote him about our child. I hope he will come to see him or her." She bit her lip. "But Thorin is so unpredictable and so much time has passed by... I'm afraid he has ousted me."

"I can't imagine." Her mother brushed her cheek and let go of her. "No one will forget you. He will write back. I'm sure of it." She kissed her forehead. 

"I hope so," Alyssae whispered, "but I'm terrified that - that I'll never see him again. I am afraid that Thranduil still has to play his last trump."