Life with Hollywood's Ex-Playgirl (GirlxGirl) Editing

Chapter 9: Love Comes with Pain

Jana groans when light floods her living room as Jillian opens her curtains. Jillian has been watching for three painful weeks as Jana wallows herself in self-pity. She can’t take it anymore and it was time for her to meddle with her sister’s problems.

“What the hell Jill?! Close the curtains, the light hurt my eyes” Jana hisses before burying her face into the pillows but Jillian was not having any of it. Jana thought Jillian was going to leave her alone when cold water soaks her. Jana growls standing up from the couch to meet Jillian’s own glare. It was scary how similar they could get.

“Oh good, you can get up. I thought your legs turned useless” Jillian states coldly as she drops the bucket making it bang the floor causing a loud growl from Jana.

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Jana sneers.

“Oh please, if I leave you alone you’ll never get over that stupid self-pity of yours. You’ll go back to finding comfort in the form of bars and liquors.” Jillian states.

“What does it matter anyway? You have no idea how painful it is to come home and find your wife making out with her ex-boyfriend! Leave me alone Jillian” Jana snaps but she sees Jillian standing her ground.

“I lost my husband J. You think I don’t know how painful it is?! I lost the love of my life yet you don’t see me wallowing myself in self-pity knowing I had the best moments of my life with him. You! You still have your wife and yet you don’t even try and make things up with her because she hurt you. Well guess what?! Love comes with pain Jana. That’s part of the package of having someone who loves you!” Jillian grabs Jana by her shirt collar pulling her close. “Get out of whatever funk you’re in right now and make things up with Dianna” she finishes. As they lock eyes, Jillian sees she finally got through her sister. It took her three weeks to finally break down Jana’s walls and get through her. She lets go of her sister letting her plop down the couch, burying her head in her hands. Jillian crouches down to be eye level with Jana.

“J, you’ve been through a lot of worse things. I know Dianna betrayed you but she was weak and hormonal. She missed you and Ale took advantage of it. You and I both know she loves you the same amount you love her” Jillian says softly as Jana looks at her.

“I’m just scared Jill. What if she really wants Alex back? What if she realizes I’m not good enough for her?” Jana sighs looking at her feet.

“She LOVES you Jana. Not Alex or anyone else. You” the older sister says poking Jana’s chest to make her point. “Don’t ever think you’re not enough for Dianna. She told me she loves you and she’s happy with you” she adds hoping it was enough to assure Jana.

“Mom used to say love is a risk we all have to take to find our soul mates. I miss mom” Jana says breathlessly as she looks up to meets Jillian’s dark brown eyes.

“I miss her too J but you know she’s with us” Jillian says taking a seat on the couch next to Jana.

“I’m going to visit mom. Come with?” Jana says standing up.

“I have a meeting to attend first but I’ll catch up” Jillian stands up as well walking to the door. “J, remember what I told you” she adds getting a nod from Jana before she leaves her sister’s condo dialling a number.

Jana sets down her basket of flowers down the side of the tombstone as she sits on the grass. It’s been a while since she visited her mom’s grave and she still feels tears welling up her eyes.

“Hey mom, sorry I haven’t visited you in a while. I went to Thailand for a month and a week. I miss you mom. I miss your cooking, your sense of humor and most of all how your love bound us as a family. I bet you’re wondering how I’ve been doing lately. Well to start, I’m still coping. I know it’s almost 7 years since you died but I still find myself looking for you before I remember you’re gone” Jana swallows the lump that formed on her throat. “Hey mom, I found my soul mate. I bet you know that already. She’s amazing, beautiful and intelligent, she saved me actually. Mom, when you died I became a wreck. I let myself be trapped inside a dark tunnel not seeing the light at the end of it. I threw my life away, the life that you protected. I thought there was no end of the tunnel when she found me. You won’t believe how much we hated each other, Emily forced us to get married and before I knew it I was falling for her. She’s the only person aside from dad, Jillian, Emily and Jake who took my crap and stayed with me even after everything I put her through.” Jana looks up to the sky, squinting her eyes at the harsh sunlight. “You must be wondering if I found the person I was meant to be, why isn’t she here with me right now?” she looks back at the tombstone before pushing through. “The thing is, she hurt me. I came home from Thailand earlier ‘cause I can’t stand being away from her for too long when I saw her with someone else. I never had my heart broken till that moment. You know mom I wish you’re still here, you’d probably take me in your arms and let me cry till I run out of tears. You’d probably tell me that this is just another hurdle I had to jump” she sniffs as she lets her tears fall freely. “Mom I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. I love her yet I got so hurt I feel like someone stab me in the heart with a long dagger before twisting it” Jana was full on crying now not caring if anyone sees her in this state. Dropping her head on her knees, Jana sobs as every emotion she kept hidden hit her with full force. “Mom help me” she mutters. She wind picks up speed and blows Jana’s hair before a warm arms wrapping around her.

“I’m so sorry baby” the familiar voice makes Jana stiffen. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you.” The voice adds.

“Then why did you?” Jana mutters, picking her head up to looks at the hazel ones with free falling tears.

“I don’t have an excuse for what I did. But please believe me when I say I only love you. No one else.” Dianna pleads as she slowly wipes Jana’s tears. Jana stays silent, her mind was telling her to run but her body won’t move.

“You hurt me Di. How am I supposed to believe that you only love me?” Jana yells standing up as Dianna follows. “How could you do this to me?!” she adds as Dianna stays silent. She expected the outburst and she’s going to take every single word Jana will throw at her. “What did I do wrong Di? Am I now that good enough for you?” the harsh words broke Dianna’s heart bit by bit but she had to take them. “Just tell me” Jana’s voice was now weak, all her anger was slowly fading as she take deep breaths to calm herself, she’s emotionally drained and tired all she wants are answers. Dianna takes a step toward her before pulling her wife into her, she feels Jana clutching on her shirt and tears soaking her chest.

“Don’t ever dare think you’re not good enough for me. You’re perfect for me Jana. You didn’t do anything wrong J, it’s me who made the mistake of hurting someone I really love. Me” Dianna whispers as she hugs Jana closer to her body. “I love you” she adds before moving to pull away. She smiles at Jana painfully before turning to the grave. “Hi Mrs Kuran, I’m Dianna. I love your daughter yet I still managed to hurt her. I don’t know if I still deserve her. I never met you Liz but I can tell you’re a great mother. Thank you, Liz for bringing someone as wonderful as Jana. I don’t know if you’re the one who made us meet but if you are, thank you. I’d understand if Jana doesn’t take me back, I’d love her till the end of my life” Dianna says before turning around to see Jana looking at her. When their eyes meet, Dianna smiles small before walking back to her car.