Helpline: An Agony Aunt Advice Book

Entry 10: Dealing with a breakup from the sidelines

Anonymous reader...

Can I have your professional opinion please Okay, so my friends A and B were together they broke up because A thought B wasn't happy with A and now B is in tears acting sick at aunts house and A is sad because he force the break up

One- my opinion is in no way at professional but still, thanks for the compliment! Two- I appreciate that you have put them as A and B because it just makes my job of differentiating between them so much easier.

So, would you like advice on what you can do to help? Because I am going to assume that is what you want. Anyway, I'm going to manage both A and B separately....

For A, my advice would be to ask him why? What brought him to believe he wasn't good enough for B? Is it something he could've changed or fixed whilst still dating B? Was breaking up with them worth it? If the questions work like I believe they should, he should see how unbelievably stupid he has been and at least attempt to make it up to B. It might take a bit of coaxing and resilience to get through the resistance of him not answering, but I believe you can do it. I know you can do it.

As for B, it may be more tricky. Unlike A they don't have a guilt factor you can use to your advantage-as diabolical as that sounds. What you need to do is comfort them. They have just gone through an unexpected breakup and are probably a bit shaken up. Maybe even convince them to not be upset with A because he thought it was for the best. Make them see the light (and at laast I see the liight, sorry I had to) on his reasoning and forgive A for what he has done. Just remember to be understanding or at least act like you are so they don't feel suppressed by you.

I think the worst bit about this is the fact they are both your friends. You can't just pick a side to back up because then the other will dislike you- it's a frustrating middle ground. Be neutral throughout this entire thing and fight equally for both A and B. You don't want them to be upset with you, now do you?

Ooh, for the first time, I have had an update. I thought I published this last night to be honest but at 3am, I received a message of the progress...

She's sorta okay now they are dating again and she is happy for now I think hat he's gonna hurt himself because before they got back ever he called himself a piece of garbage

This has taken a turn for sure. Well, it's a good thing they are back together. B- that I now know to be a she- is happy which means one half of your situation is fixed. Now you won't have to worry about getting them back together again, but a new problem has arose.

A calling himself a piece of garbage, though bad, does not necessarily mean he wants to hurt himself. I don't know how he physically said it but to me, he just sounds upset and frustrated. If you truly think he is going to go to the extent of self-harm I will tell you how to help him. I am in no way an expert in psychology but do you think he may have any conditions of his brain, depression for example. Has he ever wondered if he has or if it's just self depreciation. I know that all of this is seriously out of my depth but a check up wouldn't do him harm. Maybe it'd explain why he called himself that.

If you know he hasn't got any mental health problems, I have some other advice for you. Comfort him- tell him he deserves everything in life including his girlfriend. A compliment goes a long way and we all need them every now and again. I know I appreciate them- those little boosts you didn't expect just brighten up your day. Remind him of all he has to live for. His friends, his family, his girlfriend all love him and that he shouldn't leave them distraught by self-inflicting pain. They will think it was their fault if you were to die from it. Everyone has someone who needs them and they may not even know it.

From ciaramaeflower

xxx