Daddy

Chapter 10 Part 1

I would rather end it all tonight and if I mean anything to you I'm sorry but I've made up my mind.

Vic and I arrived home soon after we left, seeing as it was kind of late and there wasn't much traffic. Tonight had been pretty great, and it left me wondering when my next fall would come.

Besides the Copeland incident, things had been great with Vic and I. I hadn't really wanted to do anything sexual with him, and I think he got the picture after the park incident. I found it nice that he was willing to respect my boundaries.

I was home alone for the day. I figured I had been hovering over Vic too much and he still needed his space. There was a lot that was running through my mind, most of it good things, but there was still that lingering negativity. I couldn't let go of the fact that I wasn't meant to be this happy, and that some bad thing would happen that would cause me to fall. It sucked, but it was a part of who I was. Even when I was with people I knew accepted me, I was still thinking they disliked me.

I decided to busy myself. It seemed that every time I was alone, I had these awful thoughts that ate me alive, so doing something as a distraction helped to alleviate that negative energy. I just needed a new brain, really.

There was a statistic I once read that said cleaning was the best thing to do when you were tired or emotional, so that's exactly what I did. I cleaned until my hands felt numb, and then I did more. I acted like the dirt was the negative energy, and I was scrubbing it away. It worked.

I felt better after I had cleaned. It made me feel like my head was clear because my environment was. It made me feel like maybe Vic did enjoy my presence, and maybe Copeland was just having a bad day.

"Kellin?" I heard a voice, Vic's, say. I had given him a key to my house after he gave me one to his, and we didn't use it often, but I had a feeling I knew why he came over. I hadn't been paying attention to my phone, and he probably called a few times.

"In here," I said quietly. He walked in and kissed my cheek before sitting and studying me for a second.

"Talk to me," he offered, cocking his head to the side and getting himself settled like he was ready to listen.

"It's just – I feel like you don't like me sometimes? I don't know, I just have these off times where I feel weird. I used to have depression, and so every now and again that weaves its way back into my life. It sucks, but I try to live with it," I explained, not even hesitating to open up. That was how we worked. Vic listened while I talked, and vice versa. We helped each other when we needed it, and I would be forever thankful to him for being there for me.

"You know I really like you, right? If this is about Copeland, then just remember she's a moody little girl. I mean, she's yours after all, which kind of explains the shift in attitude. Maybe she's just trying to find her place, even if she is a little young," Vic told me, bringing up a good point. I should be offended that he essentially just called me moody, but I couldn't deny it.

"You're right," I concluded, brushing off the weird feeling that Copeland had other things going on.

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