How To: Not Completely Ruin Your Life (#Wattys2015)

The 3 Stages Of Rage

I like to consider myself a pretty chilled person. Of the Inside Out characters I would say Joy is my leading lady followed by fear, disgust (who let's be honest should have just been called bitch), anger and finally sadness. Sadness and anger are my least used emotions so when they do take control your better duck and roll.

For the sake of this chapter I'm refering to a recent game of pool that I played with my dad. My dad is super competitive and hasn't hit that age where he's shit at anything yet which I thought would come at around age 40, I'd start winning at go-karting and bowling etc. Nope. Not happening. To make this worse he tries to then give you advice on how to be better. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BOWL LIGHTER IF I'M SO ANGRY I COULD THOW IT THROUGH THE CEILING!?

....and that leads us on to the 3 stages of rage.

Stage 1. Irritation - This is the first step and most obvious visually. It is here when your jaw tenses up and you verbally express your annoyed nature by scrunching your hand into a fist, swearing under your breath, etc. During irritation your game playing companion should accidentally fuck up completely giving you the advantage, if they want to keep their life that is. Under no circumstances should the person make it obvious that they are messing up to make you feel better because it doesn't, it makes you feel like a loser...which you are.

Stage 2. Pure Rage - This is the stage where if you could shit on an old person without any consequences then you'd do so without batting an eyelid. This is also the quiet stage. You don't need words to express your hate for the person playing with you just let your potentially illegal action speak for you. This is the impulsive stage too, where nothing is too far fetched and your imagination goes into psychopath mode. Here you'll learn things about your imagination you wish you could forget but maybe not completely, a change of career to that of robbing banks could really pay off. Pardon the pun. You reach the kind of crazy where if you were in prison no one would fuck with you because you were completely unpredictable and most likely had more shanks than organs.

Stage 3. Fuck everything - Now it may sound like this is just a more intense version of the previous step but that's where you're wrong. Fuck everything is when you return to your calm self maybe even laughing at your earlier rage (which to other people just makes you look crazier). It is at this point that you're so beyond rage that you've actually turned zen, you can complete the game calmly but not a single fuck is given if you win or lose at this point. Do you forget the whole rage and move on? No, you hold on to it forever but now isnt a time for dwelling or reflecting because the game is over, guess what? You lost. You're also banned from returning.

Mission Complete!