Only Given What You Can Handle Part 2

One

Honestee's POV

It has been almost four years since I lost the love of my life. I did most of what he asked me to do. I graduated from high school, moved to Florida with my sister and took everything but our pictures, a few of his shirts and hats to his moms. I been back to visit but only for two days tops. I keep in contact with his family daily and I still have all the money he saved up for me. I have worked and added on to it. I gave up dating all together.

My heart is still with D and will never change. I still pay his phone bill just so I can hear his voice. Jhustyx had a little girl and named her Dahmaryus. Mookie and her are still together. She is about to graduate from college as a registered nurse and Mookie is still running the streets but has niggas working for him. He walks with a cane thanks to physical therapy. They are planning to move back to Atlanta after she graduates in two weeks.

I have transferred my college down to Atlanta since that's where I am headed back to. My mom wants me closer since my sister is moving back, she feels like I shouldn't be in Florida alone. Her and my father are doing good and still live in the same house. Linda and D's dad are going through a divorce but she is keeping the house. Lucky moved back in with her after D passed and doesn't plan on leaving.

I really haven't talked to the girls since I left but we do keep in contact, even if it's just on Facebook. Made it back to Atlanta. I pulled into Linda's driveway, got out the car and walked up to the door. Before I could knock the door swung open and Linda grabbed me into a hug. She held on to me, swaying me side to side and we both started crying. We broke our embrace and stepped into the house. We walked into the kitchen and she started a pot of tea before we started a conversation.

Linda: How was your drive back doll?

Me: It was ok! Just long. How have you been holding up?

Linda: As good as I can, honey! Have you decided where you're going to stay at?

Me: No not yet, but my mom said I can stay there until I figure it out!

Linda: You know you are always welcomed here and I wouldn't mind having you around here!

Me: Thank you but I really do just want to get my own place!

Linda: I understand baby! Do you still have money left from what he left you?

Me: I have all of it. I know he didn't want me to work but after I moved from here, I got a job and started adding on to what he already had left me.

Linda: Oh ok! Well I have to give you this....

She came out with a check of forty-five thousand. I told her I couldn't take it but she insisted that D wanted her to give that to me too. I put the check in my purse, we ate dinner and talked for a while. When we was done talking, I walked upstairs, took a shower and then went into D's room. Everything was still the same! Our pictures everywhere, clothes and shoes put up the way I left them.

I put on one of his shirts and it still smelled like him. I climbed onto his bed, turned the tv on and hugged his favorite pillow. I grabbed the photo of us off the nightstand and just stared at the picture. I miss him so much and would give anything to hear his voice or be in his arms again. The tears started falling, I grabbed my phone and called his to hear his voice. I then turned off the lights laid down and cried myself to sleep.

******************A Week Later*****************

Today I decided to go look for a job since I have time alone. Since I been back D's mom and my family have been all over me. I stay with Linda every other night. Still haven't seen Lucky yet but I know when I do see him it's going to feel like a reunion and he gonna be another person stuck on me like glue. I'm ready to look for a place but I want to get a job first, so no one will know about the money D already had saved up for me.

I'm out putting in the last application for the day at a women's clothing store. I was sitting at a table outside the cafe a few doors down the street from the shop, filling out the application, when I heard my name being called. I turn around and see Anna walking up with a big smile, bags in hand and arms open for a hug. She screamed like she seen a bug or something but I got up and gave her a hug.

Anna: Omg why you didn't tell me you was back? I so missed you girl!

Me: I just got back a week ago but what's new? How's your daughter? Missed you too!

Anna: Bitch nothing really! She good and bad! Are you here for good?

Me: Yeah for the moment!

Anna: The girls are going to be excited to know you're back and now you can hang out since your free!

Me: Free? Never mind but I'm going to let you go! Oh and as far as hanging out its still the same like if D was here!

I walked away. The words she had said "since your free" played over and over in my head. I went and turned my application. I then went for a drive and ended up at the place D use to take me for us to have alone time when we would fight. I sat in the car and just played back the memories of us together over and over. The sun went down and the tears just fell down my face.

I got myself together, when it was late and drove back home. Tonight I was suppose to be at Linda's but I wanted to be in my moms embrace more. Even though it's been years she knows how much I still hurt and tries her hardest to help me get through this. She was sitting in the living room when I got there. I walked into the living room, laid my head on her lap and just cried while she rubbed my head.

She whispered everything was going to be ok, it just takes time over and over. I don't know how to move on or let him go! He was my everything, my savior, my best friend and now my angel. I lost my life and now living as someone else. I don't know what to do or how to move on but I do know I can and never will let him go! No one will truly understand how lost I am until they walk in my shoes....