Gentleman's Affair

Pain Is Pleasure

"Ellie,"

Ellie pushes herself off of the couch sliding the zipper of her dress down to expose the small of her back. The thought of having sex with her at this moment was the only thing clouding my mind. It was irritating when I had to make an abrupt decision about wanting to pursue a relationship with her.

"Show me you love me. Because I know you want to, and I know you do," her voice but of a faint whisper leading to the bedroom.

It's the man instinct in me is to do as she wished, yet my mind was focused on how I was going to explain to her how I felt.

"Mr. Hale," she sigh softly. "What did I just tell you?"

I feel her soft moisturized fingers slip through my hand in a soft grip. She then leads me towards the bed where I'm sat on the edge slightly moving the comforter out of position.

Her legs position on each side of my waist as she places her hands on my chest pushing me down onto the bed.

I'm face to face with the cream colored ceiling which had only made me go deeper in thought. "Ellie, how can I love you when I know not the first thing about it?" I ask openly hoping she would help me come up with the answer.

The way I was feeling at the moment made me feel unnerving and I was missing the motivation to have sex with her. For a moment I felt like I needed her love and affection.

Ellie places the palm of her hand on my cheek rubbing my prickly skin which hair had grown rapidly. "Mr. Hale," she pauses leaning down to and placing a soft faint kiss to my lips.

"Love is something I cannot really teach you. It's something you must feel. I'm not saying you love me because I know that's a stretch for you. But I also know that you're just not around for the hell of it. The way I feel when I'm with you is like the burning fire in a furnace in which cannot be controlled. I'm secured. I'm... I don't know," she huffs to herself looking away from me for a moment.

The wall is always a getaway so that we are able to gather our thoughts and words together. "You make me feel alive, more alive than I have ever been for in discovering you are who you say you are," she breathes finally regaining eye contact with me.

"I like to think that my biological father was a successful businessman, actually," I sigh heavily before continuing on. "That he and my mother didn't want the burden of a child and so they just abandoned me. The fact that I don't even know my biological parents scares me. What if they had an ugly disposition and I am bound to end up like them?" I question out loud.

This venting to Ellie every now and then was lifting a minor weight off of my shoulders. "You are your own person, Xander." She takes my face in the palm of both her hands.

"You cannot let some forgotten clouded memories, or a dark past keep unfolding in front of you and make you believe you are some... monster. You are more than that. I know you are. The fact that you are sitting here telling me this reassures me that you are a better man than you let yourself believe."

"I feel sometimes I can't control myself though."

"You don't, have to anymore," Ellie whispers looking intently in my eyes.

Her compassion was the emotion I envied most. Mostly because I didn't have the capabilities of feeling what she felt, or even trying to be compassionate myself. "Maybe losing control is a way of seeing who you really are. Let me help you become the person you've always wanted to be." It almost sounded like a plea, but then again Ellie always wanted to figure me out.

Always.

"Show me," she breathes.

I run my fingers around the back where her dress had been unzipped, and began to pull it down so that her body would be exposed to the moonlight.