{Calum}.
The weakness in her voice was enough for me to know just how painful is was for her to even talk about everything that had happened. I could see her eyelids batter away tears, her nose sniffling slightly as she dabbed her thumb to the corners of her eyes. I looked her up and down, taking note of her every tired feature, unsure of how much more she could take.
"Why didn't you say something the other day?" I continued on with my questions, hoping that she would answer them as an excuse for me to hear her voice.
"When?" She spoke up, her eyes not even bothering to meet mine.
"When I asked about you and Luke."
She paused, taking a breath to think over her words as if she hadn't really a clue either.
"If you still have any doubts, I promise you it's nothing." She began with, the worry in her tone longing for me to reassure her that I trusted her. "But I'm really overwhelmed lately and I manage to screw everything up, even the simplest things. When I need to speak, I can't, and when I need to say something, I never manage to find the right words. You'll have to forgive me. I'm losing my mind and I don't know how to get it back." She told me and I felt the ache in my chest begin to shrink each time she opened up to me, but the void was replaced with a new found pain as I listened to how messed up she felt.
"Come here, Del." I whispered to her, her head looking upwards at me with questioning eyes.
The only reason I asked such questions at the start was because of the one morning when I woke up to find Luke and Delilah talking in hushed voices in my room. I didn't hear much of what they were saying, but it was enough to to keep me suspicious; especially given the fact that neither would inform me of what they were speaking about. Here I was thinking that they had developed a "thing" for each other; but I was oblivious to the fact that it was merely about Delilah smashing my favourite guitar into pieces.
I shifted myself on the mattress, slowly rolling onto my side as I patted the free space beside me. She seemed hesitant, biting down on her lip as she stared at the gap before reluctantly giving in. She sat with her back to my chest, her feet dangling over the bed, not quite reaching the floor. My hand made its way to her waist, instinctively feeling the need to touch her in some way just to assure myself that she was safe, and I think she needed it too.
I continued on with the questions, each time feeling like I was learning a little bit more about her; but that was only because she wasn't the Delilah I knew. It was inevitable that this situation would leave everyone changed, but to completely rip apart someone was another thing.
Her voice was soft and delicate, her words quiet and politely spoken as if she was talking to a stranger rather than the man she loved. I couldn't help but stare up at her as her eyes aimlessly gazed at the floor, her feeting kicking back and forth as she whispered gentle words to me.
I wondered if she knew it - that she was depressed. I wondered if anyone else had noticed the change in her too, seen the way the colour in her eyes started to fade, or the way her smile never reached its full extent.
It broke me; but I think I broke her even more.
-
{Delilah}.
I tried to be as honest as I could with him, tried to act as if there wasn't this burning pain where my heart should be, but I knew he could tell. I felt it in his touch; the way his fingers traced ever so lightly on my skin. After all, I treated him the same when he first came here, all bruised and broken and hanging on for life. When you love someone who's broken, you soon become scared to touch them.
I'd always had my insecurities, but being here with him only seemed to magnify them so much so that they were all I could see. I was blinded by my errors, left without any light; and I had always been afraid of the dark.
It might have been the fact that I had always been one who was afraid of change, or perhaps he just scared me, but either way I kept myself closed off and guarded, refusing to let my walls come down for anybody.
I lost a part of Calum in the crash and I was scared that I wasn't going to get him back. I lost a part of myself too, but I knew that she was long gone.
Wherever you walked in the hospital, whoever you looked at, you could see the hints of similarities between yourself and everyone else, the kind that had tiredness, hopelessness and desperation in every move. You couldn't help but wonder who had it easier, who had it the same, and if it was even possible; who had it worse. You could see the children each with pale complexions who were all starting to lose their hair if they hadn't already. The families eating in silence, an empty seat at the table as if they were missing someone.
Looking at them, you couldn't help but wonder "how do you go on when the worst things happen to you?" But I've learned that you don't have a choice; you just do it. You don't get anyone, either. Fighting is the loneliest thing in the world.
-
Aw, it's like 1am so it got a bit deep in parts, lol.
FINALY A CUTE DALUM MOMENT, BUT OH NO! WHAT DID CALUM SAY ABOUT DELILAH? IS SHE REALLY DEPRESSED?
50 COMMENTS TO FIND OUT.
Love you.
