The Wedding Crashers

Chapter Ten

About three things Dean was absolutely positive. First, these people were douchebags. Second, there was a part of him, and he didn't know how potent that part might be, that was about to commit hari-kari. And third, this was unconditionally and irrevocably the worst party he had ever been to in his life.

He was pretty pissed off at Sam for taking his fork-not because he wanted to use it on these pricks any more, but because when the vampire chick at that stupid white piano started playing the freaking Romeo and Juliet love theme, he wanted to jam it into his own ear.

He shifted uncomfortably in his stiff chair, deliberately ignoring every last one of the red-eyed stares he was getting and folding his arms tightly around himself. He didn't want to be this close to the aisle, but Sam and Cas had gone to sit before he had, and since Dean had naturally wanted Leah to sit safely between them, that left the seat unfortunately closer to the vampires for him. Well, he did have to grudgingly admit that keeping Cas as far away from the leeches as possible was probably smart. It was made easier by sitting "wolf side" as that Cullen bitch had put it. Then again, either way, he didn't have to worry about being too close to anyone with Cas around; the entire row in front of them and half of the next one up were completely empty.

When they had first started toward the seating area (Dean dragging his feet the whole way), Leah had reminded them to sign the guestbook. Dean had wanted to skip it, afraid that all the good seats (i.e., the ones in the back) would be taken, but he'd been more than a little disturbed when Leah had just wearily insisted they had to because her Most High Alpha had told her to. Before he could reply and tell her that Jerkoff could just go sit on a cactus, Sam had firmly said that they would sign it, leading them all towards the white book sitting on the white podium near the white curtains at the back of the white tent.

Dean was appalled to see that even a friggin' notebook could be smug in its knowledge that it was better than you, and that stupid gold and ivory thing they had by it was the most ridiculous excuse for a pen he'd ever seen. He'd irritably slashed his name onto the delicate little page (dear God, the pussy paper was rose-scented), receiving a reprimand from Sam when he'd not only splattered more ink than was necessary on his signature, but also nearly put a hole through it-well, they should've used paper, not Kleenex, dammit! After Cas had signed last (and all three of them had insisted he sign it in Enochian), Dean had all but dragged them to the foofy chairs, ready to forcibly eject someone if they couldn't get a seat in the back.

Surprisingly-or really, unsurprisingly, considering this bunch, the front had filled up first and the back was still completely empty. They'd filed in one by one into the last row, booting Cas all the way to the last chair on the end so Dean could still put as much distance between himself and all the blood-sucking freaks as he could-which was still not enough, as far as he was concerned. However, he thought as he glanced briefly down at the kid sitting next to him, he supposed it could be worse, because at least he had a bit of a blocker.

Dean had once again had to tamp down the urge to charge forward and pistol-whip that disgusting wolf Quil when he'd spotted the sicko practically on his knees begging Leah's poor little niece Claire to sit up front so he could be near her. She'd thrown an impressively silent fit, telling him in no uncertain terms what she thought of that seating arrangement, and then stomped down the aisle away from him, leaving Quil to stand up there and pout. But his pout had quickly turned into a dangerous glare, because Claire had stopped mid-step when she saw Dean and, with fiery defiance, had plonked herself in the empty seat right next to him in the very back row, her jaw set and her expression rebellious. Dean couldn't help it-he'd given her an approving nod and an encouraging thumbs up. She'd grinned and blushed a little, poking her chin out at Quil once more before he stalked off to do whatever duties a best man had to do.