Beyond Reality - Watty winner in Spanish

Chapter IX

She's biting her lip, attempting to control her anxiety.

"So am I, Alexandra, I die each day away from you.

Alexandra looks up and back at me, her eyes showing more sorrow than before.

"James... Don't you understand?" She whimpers, narrowing her eyes. "I. Am. Dying."

She says, expectantly. But I cannot understand.

"What do you mean?" I inquire, losing all peacefulness that was left.

"There's a tumor in my brain." She exhales and looks back at me. On Monday, when the doctor gave me the test results, I went there urgently because he had some "urgent matters" to discuss with me. Of course, Mom was already worried. Inside his office, he showed me my analysis' results. We were barely sat down when he told us he had bad news, but I'd never imagined this. It turns out I have a tumor in my brain's left parietal lobe. The headaches and the vomits were related to this. I don't know how much time left I have and nobody wants to talk to me about it... I only know I'll spend the next months under intense medical intervention. Until I..."

Alexandra and I fall apart with her every word.

I still don't understand. I do not want to.

"It can be solved. I'm sure it can." I say, breaking as I speak those gullible words.

"No, James. It can't. Not this. It's inoperable. And the operation is even more dangerous than the disease, that's where all the nerves meet. I'll die slowly. My body will stop working, bit by bit. Since the tumor is on the left side of my brain, my right side will stop functioning first. I don't know how, doctors are going to tell me as it happens. I'll start with chemotherapy next week and radiotherapy the weeks that follows and that's all I know right now."

She looks at me with nothing to hide anymore and then she embraces herself as I watch the grass, darkness taking over me.

I haven't even finished processing what she said yet. I just understood a few words and the rest melted in confusion. And I wish I haven't understood what I did.

This can't be happening. Not again. I can't, I won't, it can't...

My mind can't think straight because there's no direction. It's all mixed up.

"And you know what, James?" She turns her head to me. Sound fades away for ten seconds, our eyes gazing and piercing into the depths of each other. "Deep down, I know I shouldn't be so afraid, especially for you, George and Mom... But I cannot hide it. I'm not brave. And I'm terrified. So many to deal with... And all of the sudden I'm supposed to face my own death, knowing my end is near... I can't, James. I'm sorry, but I can't be brave.-- And now I feel the biggest idiot in the whole world. When I met you, I thought that time had finally stopped, like in Neverland. I felt whole and happy... But now I know I've been the dumbest person in the whole world. It seems I keep forgetting this world has its own rules. Rules I cannot change. I don't know what to think, James... I'm terrified, I don't know what to think." she says, her tears soaking my shirt.

We are now hugged, since I got closer as she finished speaking. We hold each other, looking for ourselves in the other's arms. I missed and longed for this so much in the past four days. I even imagined her arms and the warmth of her body inside my arms.

I try to tranquilise her as we hug.

"I don't want to die... I don't want to..." She cries in fear. "And I shouldn't be asking you to stay with me after what you've suffered when you lost your family. I know it is very selfish of me. But I already lost you once, I will lose you again some other time and I don't want to lose you thrice. You can't walk away from me now. Please, James. Don't walk away."