Journal

(It Might Be) The Worst Day Ever

So. The last update I had here was on March 30th, as in 4 days after Zayn left the band. (And yes, people. I'm finally used to the words, because you know, people moved on)

I'm starting to sound like Elena Gilbert when she was switching her humanity off on The Vampire Diaries season 4. (Still sad of her leaving the show, though..)

AND NOW I'M STARTING TO STEP OUT OF THE TOPIC.

Right.

I just need to wrote this because I thought it would be.. I don't know.. Maybe a lesson for anyone..?

So it's start off when I received a chat from Brawijaya University on LINE (oh, backside story, I applied for SNMPTN and I got accepted. I forgot if I ever told anyone on this book. So just pretend like you're already know that.)

Right, well it said that the online tasks was already up on the website. Basically, there were three tasks for freshman. First one is an online tasks. Second is offline. And third is the tasks that I should bring on my first day. So, they said that the first tasks, which is online tasks are already up and we should go get it done.

I actually had no idea when is the deadline. I asked right after when they sent the brodcast message but they never answer. So I panicked and called my mom to pick me up to her office, which is funny because I'm there for the WiFi.

Another quick backside story, I promised my friends that we would meetup later, which is today, before I move out (yes, my Uni is actually outside the town so I actually had to move out).

They never answer my question, and I'm not going to blame them because I know they might be having a ton of questions at that time. So, I've got to decide something so I wouldn't left behind, is to go and get an internet connection and getting my tasks done.

I really didn't want to cancel the plans that I had with my friends, but I also really don't want to left behind. And they say life is full of choices. It's either A or B. There's no in between. So, I chose to gave up my plans with my friends, and get my tasks done.

But I cannot not feeling guilty for canceling my plans with them in a very last minute. They're my friends. Heck, I already consider them like a f*cking sister and brother to me. And I want to cherish the moments that I had with them while I'm here.

So, while I'm really tangled up with my tasks and another bajillion of informations that I had to bring, to remember, to buy and to do for my first day, I opened my group chat with them, and one of them easily said things that I really don't want them to say,

"dyandra php"

Like.. What the actual f*ck?

Fine, chill. I know he's just kidding. But like.. What..?

If you're actually put yourself on my shoes right now, and really takes an education as your priority instead of having fun with your friends because the people around you actually puts on a high hopes for you, you'll know what I was thinking.

I was just thinking like.. What the hell? I was feeling really bad about canceling them before I got tangled up with my tasks and a bajillon informations. Like, really really bad. God I even cried because of them.

And I'm like, know deep in my heart that he was just kidding but I'm really not in a mood for a piece of joke. He should've known that because, who likes getting a joke when you're just tangled up with a lot of different (even difficult) tasks, a guilty feelings, and just like a really crap mood?

Moving on.

Hours later he chatted me to apologize and I really am not in a mood to talk to him. Because, if I'm in a crap mood, I prefer not to talk to anyone because I know if I talk to them, I might snapped at them and said things that I would probably regret it later. So, I ignored him.

Until the time I got home, and he asked me to talk it through since it wasn't really a big problem. So we did. And from what I got tonight, he doesn't understand my situation. He said I'm already this, and that and blah blah blah for you and you just cancel that?

Like I said, he doesn't understand my situation. My thoughts were everywhere, I think about them, I think about my tasks, I'm feeling really bad, I'm feeling guilty.

But he seems like he only cares about himself. And then he said he's no one important in my life, it's up to me if I want to hate him or not talk to him. Like, what the hell? Just because I'm really pissed off at you, doesn't mean that we shouldn't be friends anymore. Right?

He was the one who wanted me to spill, anyways. So I spilled everything and he's just like that saying that he's no one important in my life, and he's not a good influence for me and my future, and then he ignored me.

So I was like, look who's trying to ignore me?

That. Was. Not. A. Right. Way. To. Solve. A. Problem.

To make this short, I just want you to think from both sides if you had a problem with your friend, or just listening to your friend's problem. Try to put yourself inside someone else's shoes. If you're really in the middle of your friend's feud, you need to hear a story from both sides.

And,

Don't ever think that you and your friend has the same way to see or solve a problem. Everybody has their way to see or solve a problem.

If they don't like the way you solve it, then just go ahead and mind your life because you already give them your best to solve their problem.

That's it for tonight. I'd like to sleep and forget all of this has ever happened to me and woke up with my friend is not really avoiding me.

And I really hope this is not just about me rambling about my personal life, as in, I really hope you found some lights to solve your problem too.

Good night .xo