The Fangirl In Kamisama Kiss?

Chapter 27: Hot Chocolate And Old Texts

(WARNING: There is a lot of swearing and this will be frequent for most of the characters, so, yeah, massive warning...)

It was really fricking cold tonight. I felt like any minute I could turn into an icicle, but I didn't care. I wasn't in the mood for this crap.

The stars were shining in the clear, night sky and were brighter than ever tonight. I was currently sitting cross-legged on the roof in my white tank top and pyjama bottoms.

Bringing my legs to my chest, I wrapped my arms around my knees, and I couldn't help but give a heartfelt sigh.

Tomoe has been gone for five days now, and nobody has found him or seen him yet. He just left like that and didn't even tell anyone where he was going. Does he realise what he is doing to me and Nanami?

Selfish fox.

But not only that but today is the anniversary of my parents death. So I'm kind of in a little predicament at the moment. A depressing and lonely predicament.

Twiddling with my thumbs, I couldn't help but think why they both left. You know, Tomoe and my parents.

My parents is probably the main reason why I'm out here tonight though. It was star gazing Sunday today.

I just wished I could tell someone how alone I feel without them. No one understands how I feel, they just think I'm doing it for attention, or I'm doing it for charity.

But they don't understand the pain I feel. My pain I've carried with me for six shitty years, is real.

I just want this pain to disappear.

Heaven. I wonder what it's like there. I always dream of what it's like to die. The aftermath interests me the most.

You die and then you enter a peaceful, calm world. Not like the actual world now. But everyone is happy. No more heartbreak, no more limits, you basically can be who you want to be. It sounds amazing.

However, since I got sucked in to this godamn book, I've slightly stepped away from the idea of death. In fact, I've been trying to decide how to live and what's happening now. I don't understand what's happening to me.

Would my mom and dad want me to think like this? Is this how it feels to be happy?

I chuckled at the thought and stared at the moon as it's pale light illuminated the sky. If my dad met Tomoe now he would probably interrogating him, while my mum would most likely be teasing me and keep saying how cute we would look and complimenting Tomoe.

My radiant facial expressions quickly morphed in to a more doleful and dark look.

Tomoe left for no reason though. That's what's pissing me off. He could be drinking or at the red light district or even worst, I don't want to think like that, but I worry about him a lot.

Since he confessed I think that's what's made it awkward for us. I know, no shit Sherlock, I mean you literally crushed the guy's heart with rejecting him and now you're acting as like none of this happened. I knew this would happen though.

Well obviously I didn't know Tomoe would confess to me, but I knew he would leave because of me.

I guess I had my answer in why he left then.

So what's the problem? All it takes is one guy to replay everything in my head not just in this world, but in the world I used to be in with my parents. I just feel so alone now.

I'm a wreck. Great, everyone is going to think I'm weak now and know I'm easy to set off my waterworks.

My hands were underneath me now and I just cried. I must have looked like a small kid.