A History of Widges

Chapter 3 - Alibi

Dedicated to @ThisisEJKoh for writing the novel (and being the kind of writer who) that gives me inspiration to continue writing everyday, even when I want to quit. Love you, girl <3 

The sudden turn of events forced me into defense mode. All of my years of inhabiting animals came into play and I did the only thing that had ever worked: I flopped this new body onto the floor and froze. Deep breaths. One in, one out. The predator would generally lose interest and lope away. It was quite irrelevant that I was not dealing with a predator. And, for this girl, loping away was not an option.

"What's happening to me?" There went her mouth again. Moving on its own accord. Moving according to her. I felt something tug at her left arm and glanced down. Nothing was there, but the sensation persisted. It was the first time I felt another presence try to block out my own.

Why the heck had I gone into her memory shaft?

"Why can't I move?" She whimpered. The pulling sensation grew stronger. She possessed more agency than I had thought. Not the best host in which to bide my time. If I were truly human, I would have been frustrated. So much research. So much time spent in search of a human form. An entire twenty-four hours in a darkened hallway. It was all for nothing because I immediately made the decision to find another host. I somehow sensed that this one would cause too many problems.

Rule #23: If uneasy about remaining within a host, take no chances. Vacate host immediately.

And that's exactly what I would do. I sunk my entire ethereal self back into her pores, traveling up her veins, up her muscles and spine, to bunch myself in one place. In her head. It was from there that I would make my exit. I released my hold on her, relaxing my non-self and drifting silently out of her skull...Drifting...silently... 

Drifting?  

I no longer had a grasp on her brain. Quite the contrary. It seemed her brain had a grasp on me. It was holding my nothingness hostage with its tentacled bundles of nerves. In short, I was stuck.

Rule... Rule #... If stuck... please proceed to the nearest exit?

It was just as I had thought: this was unprecedented.

"I can't move. I'm paralyzed. Why can't I move?" Her voice was adopting a shrill, manic edge and I could feel bile sneaking up her throat.

"Well you can move your mouth, can't you!?" Her emotional, human recklessness was getting the better of me. That part slipped out without my complete consent. I felt her throat go dry.

"Who said that?" She whispered, trying not to believe that it had been her own vocal cords that sounded the cynical comment.

Rule #2: Never. Never. NEVER endow a human with the knowledge of the existence of Widges.

"Are you...controlling me?" The fear made her dizzy. Nauseous. And it made me dizzy and nauseous in turn. "How are you doing this?" Why, oh why had I wanted to inhabit a human? A pulling sensation at her fingertips became almost unbearable and her right index finger moved without my permission. Well, I was in it now. I needed an out. An alibi. Something.

"Answer me." She was trying to sound brave, but I could feel her legs trembling. She could not fool me. The same way I could not keep pretending I was not present.

"Okay, you got me." I was powerful, contrasting with her usual timidity. She jumped at the sound of this new version of her own voice. "I'm here."

She whimpered. It took her a few minutes to formulate a response. I waited patiently.

"How...are you doing this to me?" I was able to taste the vomit resting in the back of her throat and, if I was not present, I'm pretty sure she would have lost control of her bladder. Perish the thought.

"I'm in you." I searched in her head for the words to sufficiently explain our situation. "I'm...a part of you." My first attempt sounded a little odd. 

"Oh, God." She called upon a higher being, believed in only by humans. "It's finally happened. I've lost it." It felt like all the wind had been pressed out of her lungs. I could even feel her heart pounding in her chest. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. It was painful. "I've become schizophrenic." The name for a human mental disease. "How am I supposed to...? What am I supposed to do?" Moisture had broken away from her eyes and was racing down her cheeks, as well as out of her nose. The sensation was most uncomfortable. 

"It's okay." Her voice cracked when I spoke. I cleared her throat and tried to still her jelly limbs. I could not understand why she was reacting this way. It was obvious we were stuck like this; why make such a scene?

"That's it." She muttered. She gained control of the tips of her fingers, digging her nails into the wooden floor until blood popped up underneath. "That's it. I can't live like this." Her voice had gone oddly calm, but inside her head was a dark fog. This was not good. "I'm done. I have to kill myself." 

Kill herself? As in, end her life? Allowing more Widges to roam the twisted ethereal plane between existing and the netherworld? It would set me free from her body...I considered the opportunity for a moment. Allowing her to end her life. Roaming once more to..what? Dodge in and out of squirrels? Inhabit more mindless gnats? This was my first human host. I had become trapped in her brain...

What would happen to me if she died?

This question made my decision: suicide was not an option. I would have to approach this from a different angle.

"Listen, kid." I said. “You haven't gone crazy. Which is quite impressive considering how you've been living all of these years."

"If I’m not crazy," She whispered, almost threateningly. Almost. "Then who, or what are you?" That was a very good question.

"Your...conscience?" I drew the word from her mind. It was, apparently, a little voice in humans that told them right from wrong. 

"Bullshit." She called me out. Smart.

"Okay, look." I could tell there was only one way to go about this. "I can't tell you what I am. I can't tell you where I'm from. But I know your life. And I know you're looking for a way out." I paused for dramatic effect. "I'm your way out.

This set her neurons on fire. She did not respond. 

"You do want a way out, don't you?" I sought for affirmation.

"I..." She halted. She wanted to say something, but guilt stopped her. However, I knew I had reached her. For the first time in a long time, there was a little glimmer of something swelling up in her chest.

It was hope.