Living in Sin (On Hold)

Nineteen _ Hope

Finally, I felt my appetite returning. Since it wasn’t one of my favorite dish, the reason might be her who asked.

And a few minutes later, we were at the table face to face, finally having some ‘family time’. I noticed she was feeling uneasy with me across from her and truth be told, so was I a little, even though it was me who was doing all the staring.

“How’s your hand?” I started because it was beginning to feel kind of awkward, even at my end.

“It’s better now.” She said smiling.

Obviously not knowing what to do next, she gave me an almost unnoticeable nod before going back to her dinner. My eyes lingered on her face a little before I did the same. The rest of the meal was uneventful, except for some occasional glances on my part.

She was still at the table when I finished the wash-up. I didn’t know why but I wanted so bad to say sorry to her. I started thinking of reasons to do that. And boy, were there a lot!

“I’m sorry.” Coming to stand at the other side of the table, I piped up, rendering her attentive. She seemed a little surprised at the suddenness and took a little while to register it.

“It’s okay. I know it was an accident.” Casting a glance down at her hand then back at me, she said with a smile. What was with her smiling all the time, anyway?

“I mean, about the other day when I said you were …,” I stopped to clear my throat. A heavy cross to bear? Come on, she’s …..a pretty cross to bear. “When I said bad things about you, and your mom.”

“Oh,” she whispered, her lips forming a broken O and I had to draw in a deep breath. She didn’t say it was okay this time but pursed her lips together, pouting them ever so slightly, and nodded. And by that gesture, I realized that even someone like her had limits.

But to be honest, I still wasn’t sure what she was like. I knew that she’d been trying to get through to me, more or less. But I also knew beneath that manna-from-heaven exterior, something else was hidden. And was I intrigued to find out!

“If you’re uncomfortable,” she worded, stringing my attention back to her, “I could go over to my friend’s ….”

“I don’t mind.” I muzzled in but by the look on her face she clearly took it the wrong way. “It’s okay if you wanna do that. But I don’t mind you being here.”

Surprise parted her lips before genuine happiness showed in a ghost of a smile on her slightly curved lips. Her gaze swayed between the wall behind me and me. “Thanks.”

And instead of leaving, I sat back down watching that earlier hint of surprise grow on her as her eyes were kept drawn on me, her smile never waning.

“Is it okay if we talked about other things, not our parents?” I said, in as sincere a state I could ever have been. In this moment, I only wanted to get to know her, not my shitty father or his new wife.