Love is as Painful as Death (A Nico di Angelo X Reader Story)

18. Help Me

A/n: Huehuehue......
Hey guys :3....... So.... Here's the new chapter, and don't DEATH THREAT me plz. Also, SOLANGELO! OTP OTP OTP XD!!!
MEHAHAHAHAHA!!! >:P
Trigger Warning, I think... Still just wanna warn you guys just in case. May contain suicidal thoughts, mild violence, or beatings.... (I think)

***Re-Edited***
YOUR P.O.V.
Days. Weeks. About a month has passed since I told the gang to leave me alone. Everyone's ignored me like I told them to. They keep trying to find out what they did wrong, but they'll never find it. It was me that's done the wrong thing. I wasn't there for them...
Everyday I ask myself; Am I doing the right thing? Is it all worth protecting people you care about after you've told them not to care about you anymore? 'Yes and yes', I would answer back to myself. I owe them that much. I even owe them my life. It's worth protecting MY friends, it's worth carrying the burden I have laid on them and myself as well. I had to do this. To protect them. I love them. I love Annabeth, Percy, Piper, Jason, Hazel, Frank, Leo, and Reyna. I love Kenneth and Kylie with all my heart.
I'm in love with Nico di Angelo.....
I have to act as if I don't care for any of them at all, and it breaks my heart that I do.
I look terrible. My hair's all messy, but not as messy as if I hadn't brushed it-
My eyes are watery and bloodshot. My back is a pain from all the whipping in the last month, but I still cover it. I've lost so much blood, that I have blacked out daily. I'm so close to losing consciousness...
I'm sleep and eat deprived. I'm too afraid to go to sleep, but I sorta eat though. Sometimes, if I haven't lost my appetite.
I still didn't understand how the first time my soul and magical aura almost separated, but in past few weeks, nothing is escaping from my body, except blood. Jamie has been taking no mercy on me because of this. I meet him at the lake docks everyday at dusk, hoping he'll stop or go easy on me... But he hasn't. Jamie's been more furious and more impatient as the days go on.
I always wonder if I'll be stuck with this cruel fate and horrible Jamie until eventually the day I get tired of this, and I give up and let Jamie kill me instead.
'Why'd this have to happen to me? Why am I the one for this punishment, instead of someone else? Someone who really deserves this...' I think to myself every night after Jamie's too tired to beat all the blood outta me.
Because you, darling, actually do deserve this. The voice would say back just to mess with my thoughts. It takes me in a trance, and I agree with it...
This voice sounded familiar, but different at the same time. No, it wasn't Tartarus' voice. His sounds like tinfoil being rubbed against metal. (A/n: I hate that noise. It messes up my brain waves, and makes me grit my teeth. I just wanna rip my ears off when I hear that.) But this voice sounds like it/he has been through extremely tough times, problems, and has dealt with pain and misery far more devastating than what I'm going through right now.
Every time I pass any of my 'friends', I keep on walking and avoid any contact. They stop to look at what's become (or left) of me, but I ignore them. Everyone else stares at me, and I run away before Ken and Ky could see me. It hurts me too much after seeing their puffy, tearful, gloomy expressions, but I know I'm doing this for the best. They're better off without me anyway.
My former friends haven't given up on their hopes, or me... Except Nico.
He's done everything he can to avoid me, more than I can do, this since the first week I ignored and avoided everyone. I had said the worst thing I didn't even dream to say to Nico.
It was on a Sunday afternoon:
*******FLASHBACK*******
I walk slowly past the Big House after leaving the strawberry fields. I wanted to get a good, long look at this place and enjoy every bit of beauty it holds, before Tartarus ruins it all. Everyone is staring at me once again for the hundredth time this week. They whisper things, but I could still hear them.
I don't mind them or their comments. I haven't had sleep in the past week after what I had done. I know I look terrible, heck, I feel horrible. I wore a hoodie over my recent wounds, but it didn't cover the dark circles under my eyes. I was tired, but I couldn't fall asleep now. In about an hour or so, I would meet Jamie again at the docks. If I accidentally slept past dusk, (which has happened before) Jamie would get furious, and stab me from my side and let it stay there until he's through with me.
How am I still even living, yet breathing? Well, to keep me alive, Jamie gives me either a small corner piece of ambrosia, or a small sip of nectar. It just heals some of my wounds and keeps me living, but it's not enough to heal the pain of everything else.
I keep looking down, feeling bummed.
  Aww. That's too bad. It's not like you guys have been friends that long. I mean how long have you been here? About 2, 3 months? Well that's not a very long friendship at all.
I got really tired of the voice. He knew what I was thinking, he knew what I was feeling, he knew almost everything about me. It was starting to get annoying, and he ticked me off more than Jamie. Jamie knew how to get under my skin as well as I knew how to get under his, but the voice knew how to go deeper. He invaded my mind. He went into my deepest thoughts and desires, and used them against me. I despised the voice.
Don't be like that, Y/n. I know how much you hate me, but just know this: I am mentally and physically stronger than you, than Jamie, than your itsy bitsy crush, Nico.
I was clenching my fists now. "Shut up." I whispered coldly to it. For once, he didn't answer back. That was strange. I was satisfied with myself that the voice had finally shut its trap up, but I knew better. It went away when something happened. And when something happens, nothing is good. I knew why he went away.
I looked up ahead, and squinted my eyes to see two figures. One was pinning a person to a tree, while the one pinned to the tree had a calm expression. I realized that it was Nico and Jamie.
I sprinted as fast as I possibly could, before Jamie would hurt Nico. I mean, Nico is strong and all, but you shouldn't underestimate Jamie. He may have some sneaky tricks up his sleeve, like perhaps a dagger.
I made it just in time to hear Nico had his arm on Jamie's throat, while he yelled at him.
"... She's your girlfriend! How are you being her boyfriend by not knowing or protecting her from someone out there who is abusing her?!"  I blushed. He made my insides feel all giddy all over again.
'No. I shouldn't be feeling this way.' I thought, but ignored it and sighed.
"I'm trying to protect Y/n from this person, but she won't tell me anything." Jamie said 'innocently'. I made a gagging motion with my finger. "That's not true. I know you're backing off on info. Tell me the truth, now. Are you the one hurting Y/n?" Nico made a piercing glare at Jamie's eyes. "Yes." I whispered as low as I could. This was my chance to tell him. To expose Jamie on who and what he really is, but a colorful set of eyes caught mine in the trees above. I had to stop this fight, even though it was wrong.
"Nico!" I said. He and Jamie turned their heads to look at me. "Y-Y/n?" Nico said, probably trying to remember what my voice sounds like. "Are you okay?" Nico asked slowly, but still looked bewildered at me. The thing is, I haven't seen Nico since... You know. I've seen the others though, trying to make a small wave or smile at me and see them wonder if I would respond back. I don't. I ignore and keep walking.
"Yeah. I'm fine, but what's going on?" I asked. Lies. First of all; I am way below fine, and second of all; I knew what was going on. Well. Sort of knew.
Nico released Jamie's throat and turned the rest of his body to face me. Jamie gave me a hard, cold look. Nico's calm hands turned into fists. "I don't believe a word you'd said last week. I refuse to. What I want to know is, who's making you do this? Who's making you lie to all your friends? T-to me?" Nico looked down.
'Wow. He's exceptionally intelligent.' I thought. I mean, I knew Nico was smart, but I didn't think he would be this wise. Seeing that he knows me too well, like Ken and Ky, but why didn't Ken and Ky come to me and say the same thing?
"Ken and Ky are devastated and worried and scared about this whole situation. We're all really worried about you, Y/n." Nico looked back at me as if reading my thoughts, but I already had some guy like that...
If Nico already knows me too well, he'll figure this thing out.
I took a quick glance in the trees above. Dr. Thorn was waiting and watching my every move. Jamie stared through my skull. I looked back into Nico's dark colored eyes. I had to distract and make him think wrong.
"What are you talking about?" I finally said. Nico took a step towards me. "What do you mean, 'what am I talking about?' I just know this isn't you." I was shocked. I was shocked at the words that had come out of my mouth, next. "What do you know about me? We've only been friends for months. Only Ken and Ky know things about me that you don't, Nico." I said sternly. The thing is, those weren't MY words. I didn't say them. I mean, I did say them, but the words weren't mine. The voice was invading my thoughts, and controlling what I say.
Nico took another step. He was just 3 feet away...
"Y/n, I know I- we haven't known you as long as Ken and Ky, but you're still our friend. Your my best friend. Friends can keep personal secrets from each other, but this is way beyond personal. This issue involves a l-loved one getting hurt, abused. Just let us sort this out, and we'll all be okay. We care about you, Y/n. I care what happens to you." Nico and I blushed when he'd referred to me as a 'loved one'.
Was he just saying that? Did Nico mean anything else when he said best friend? What does this all mean?! Ugh! This whole lovey dovey crush thing was breaking down my thoughts, making me think more than twice at what I say, making my heart pound harder, making me feel even more insecure and embarrassed at what I say or do.
...But it makes me have that amazing fluttery feeling in my heart. It makes me feel, awake and more alive.
Jamie and Thorn were waiting for my next answer. They were waiting to either enjoy my pain of dissing Nico, or maybe to enjoy Nico's immediate death if I break down right now and confess.
"No. No you don't." The voice said for me. I could see the look of satisfaction and enjoyment in Thorn and Jamie's eyes.
I mentally cursed at myself for not speaking quicker than him.
You see, the voice can jam up my thoughts and words and it'll appear in my mind. Once the word or sentence appears in my mind, I say it. The voice can do it anytime he wants to, but he prefers to do it when I don't want to speak. Another reason why I hate him.
"Y/n-"
"You don't know anything. You guys are the ones that are doing this to me, can't you see?!" The voice interrupted Nico. "What?" Nico looked completely shocked and dumbfounded at my statement. He didn't know what I was saying or talking about. I didn't even know what I was saying. "What?" I whispered, taking back my own voice. Jamie seemed displeased at this, but quickly hid it by putting on his best scowl. "Tch, so you're the one lying?" Jamie clicked his tongue. "What? No, of course not! I'm just as surprised as you are." Nico yelled. Jamie caught on and knew what was going on.
"They're doing it to me. It's a what that's hurting me. That what is you guys." The voice said silently to Nico.
'DANGGIT!' I thought. I let the voice slip back in without noticing. "H-how are we hurting you if you don't even tell us what's going on? Y/n, what's happening? What is this what?" Nico took one more step, even closer than the last. I looked at his eyes, and we were face to face. My heart was pounding against my chest. He's really close. Our faces are inches away. I blushed silently and swallowed my nerves down. I looked down once again to avoid his amazing, beautiful eyes. They were just so stunning, and cunningly distracting. Nico moved his hand, and I flinched. I flinched because I haven't even been this close to a person without being whipped with a rope for a whole week, let alone have someone to hold my hand and calm me down.
Nico frowned and gently took my hand. "What's going on? What did we do, and what's the what that's hurting you?" Nico repeated. I was for sure Nico could see my face burning. I kept quiet, and realized that I had a 'boyfriend' watching us. Jamie narrowed his eyes at Nico.
Nico didn't seem to notice or care at all that Jamie was right behind us.
I was about to speak up, when the MOST ANNOYING VOICE IN THE WORLD INVADED MY THOUGHTS ONCE AGAIN FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME!
"Figure it out yourself, Nico. (A/n: Remind you of a certain chapter, anybody?) You should know." I yanked my hand away from Nico's warm, soft, gentle hand, and backed up.
'GOSH DARNIT!' I mentally flipped over an imaginary table and screamed at my unfortunate fortune to have the stupid, (yet quick-witted) voice invading my privacy and thoughts. Jamie ran to my side. "Let's go, Y/n. Tell me all about this problem, we'll figure this out. Together." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I felt disgusted at my own mouth for saying those words.
"Y/n..." Was all Nico could say. He looked absolutely broken, and it was all my fault. I fully turned around, tears in my eyes. The voice wasn't done ruining my life even more.
"Just stay away from me, di Angelo. I hate you guys. I hate you." I had jogged to keep up with Jamie.
***FLASHBACK ENDED***

But like I said, that was about a month ago. Nico hasn't even looked at, or spoke to me since then.
The scene played over and over in my head since then. The horrible things I'd said, my stupid controlled movements by him, Nico's shattered eyes and broken expression before I turned around to get back to Jamie.
I kept my head even lower when I had passed the Hades Cabin. There he was, Nico, his head in his hands, sitting on the black, wooden porch and looking at the dead leaves that had passed his shoes. I stopped in my tracks and realized that I was starting to stare. Nico looked up from the ground and looked directly at me. I was thankful that cold wind made a cover for my pink nose and cheeks.
My droopy eyes quickly looked away as Nico's did. I saw his legs stood up, and walk my way. I panicked. I saw Nico's dark eyes one last time before I sprinted away towards another trip to the forest.
When I ran out of breath, I was inhaling and exhaling rapidly. I leaned down on a tree, clearly too tired to walk back to Cabin 20.
"Well, well, well. It looks like you followed my command." I heard someone say behind me.
I blinked my eyes and frowned.
"Not- now- Lou- Ellen-" I wheezed.
She chuckled, and stepped in front of me. "I love how you got Nico to avoid you like that. Now tell me, what did you say about him before? Hmm?"
I groaned while she thought about it. I really didn't feel like being tormented right now. I could've just walked away, but I was way too lazy and tired.
She snapped her fingers for emphasis. "Oh yeah! You said that he would never avoid you even if you ignored him. You said that he was an "awesome best friend like that". Well, it doesn't look like that at all now. Maybe he doesn't care for you at all. He probably never did. He might've just pitied, and gave in to being your friend." Lou Ellen smirked at my broken expression. "J-just get out of here, Lou. I don't want to hear what you have to say about this problem. Y-you don't know what's going on." I said sadly.
"Whatever, toodle-loo, Y/n." Lou Ellen skipped back to the cabin.
I tried to forget what Lou Ellen said, and concentrated more on my tiredness. I felt even more tired than earlier afternoon. I felt so weary, that I knew I was gonna go out. I knew that in a few hours, I would eventually wake up and find Jamie fuming with anger. I knew I wasn't gonna walk for days if I slept, but I didn't care. My eyelids were weighing down over my eyes and then finally, I was out like a light.
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A/n: Hey guys, sorry for the short, crappy chapter. I was in a hurry. I hope you guys liked or enjoyed this anyways.
I'm warning you guys though; I'm being grounded by my mother. So I may not update for a week, weeks, month, months. I know, stupid right? It was for a dumb reason anyways (I don't wanna talk about it, who knows with my mother) sorry, again! Please just promise me something my lovely readers; you'll stick and bear with me until I return. I love you guys, so please wait patiently!!!! LOVE YOU!!!
~XOXO BlueFoodRules