Head in the clouds.

Chapter Fourteen.

When I was younger I judged time using two methods, the first one was the traditional use of a watch, the second was using a songs. I could never listen to songs with an abundance of numbers because it would always screw up my maths skills, I did not go to school for a quarter of my life for a song to distract me from counting. After walking out of my apartment I discovered another method, every couple of minutes the buzz of my phone receiving a call was the only reminder that time was passing. Charlie didn't say anything and for that I was thankful, I think she could sense that at this moment all I needed was someone to stop me from walking into heavy traffic or breaking down in the middle of the street. We walked at a slow pace, my heart was still pounding in my chest I was still unsure of whether it was from anger or heartbreak but either way stopping wasn't an option. It was only when the wind stated to pick up that I realised I had nowhere to go; I guessed that Cara was waiting me out back at my apartment because she's stubborn. No matter how much I wanted to go back and curl up in my own bed and sleep all of my problems away, I couldn't because that's where my problems were currently residing. After a while I could feel Charlie tense at the cold wind that was forcing trees and umbrellas to bend of shape, and overwhelming guilt flooded me. I pressured this woman, who I led on a couple of months ago, to leave warmth and security to wander around with me at night as I silently evaluate my life choices. Nothing could have snapped me out of my void faster than that.

"So any ideas of where we should go" I asked tentatively. Charlie's head shot up and she had a look of complete surprise plastered on her face as if I was a monk who was neglecting his vow of silence. Slightly lost for words she shook her head quickly whilst hugging her jumper tighter to her body.  I thought for a moment, I really didn't need people right now, I didn't need to drink away my problems, I needed to think everything through. There was only one place in the entire city I had ever really been able to breathe and I had only ever been there once. Biting my lip, I spoke up.

"I know a place and I bet you've never seen anything like it, but it's not going to help with the cold."

"Jess, I don't mind." Charlie said instantly excited and I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm for seeing something new.

I have to admit I was never the best with directions but I always found that with the right attitude you can get anywhere and the attitude of the guy I asked for directions was astounding but I couldn't complain because Charlie's now visible excitement was infectious. That guy probably sassed me because we looked insane. Eventually after many wrong turns and frustrated groans we made it to our destination. 

Everything was pretty much the way it had been years ago, winter had obviously taken its toll on some of the more delicate trees and flowers but then I guess winter does to plants what emotions do to people, some of us are too fragile for this world. Looking at the black fence in front of me I could hear Cara's words from so long ago.

"I thought you might need a place too, seen as I haven't found another one you can share mine. Come on Hunter." Cara whispered. "Be free." 

Even when everything about and around me had changed, the gate still squeaked the exact same way.  With each hesitant step familiarity washed over me. It was like this small forgotten place was frozen in time because the bushes and trees still looked alien against the concrete and glass of the surrounding city. The green bench was still sat between two birch trees, which had grown considerably so they were no longer small but tall and proud, the defining feature of the park. I sat down on the grass next to the bench forcing myself away from the spot where Cara had sat when we came here for sanctuary. Charlie was admiring all the plants immense in the small space.

"This place is just spectacular! How the hell did you find it?" She turned to me, her face alight with wonder and I couldn't help but laugh because her beauty captured a rare type of innocent amazement. I shook my head to clear away thoughts of how magnificent Cara's eyes had looked in the moon light, how her hair fell in front of her face when she looked down at her hands nervously. A dull ache in my cheeks from where I was smiling brought me back to the real world.

"Cara was the one who showed me this. It's great to just take a break from everything sometimes."  Charlie sat down next to me on the damp grass; she didn't question why I hadn't sat down on the bench, she just furrowed her eyebrows and stared at it suspiciously for a while before turning back to me.

"You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to but it could help to talk things through. I mean I know we don't really know each other but that might take some of the hardship out of it." Her blue eyes had turned a dull grey in the moonlight, no longer piercing they were more calming. Looking at her I felt secure and it was in that moment that I became ready to stop bottling everything up, because it was eating me alive. Charlie placed a sure hand on my knee a silent promise that she was here for me. When I didn't say anything she chuckled slightly breaking the silence.

"You know I met my girlfriend in a situation like this." At the mention of her girlfriend happiness flooded her eyes and they turned a blazing blue. Once again my cheeks started to ache from smiling, she continued. "I was at my nephew's birthday party, it was in a park with this big glass house, massive trees and colour flowers littered everywhere. I was chasing him through the trees and then he vanished, I had never been so scared in my entire life. I was running and almost crying it wasn't pretty, but as I was about to give up I heard his small voice so I followed it. He was sitting on the ground next to this person and my first thought was 'this person is the worst kidnapper ever' but then I realised that my little nephew was try to stop her crying. We sat there for like two hours talking to this girl who had gone through so much. Just talking to her made me so happy, it's hard to explain." She bit her lip as if she was cautious of the information she had given out.

"No I understand I do, and I think I'm ready to talk now."