Head in the clouds.

Chapter Twelve.

"We need to talk about something." Cara's face was nervous and she was biting her lip, I knew that whenever she did this it was important. I shifted my position on the bed so that I was fully facing her, moving my attention away from the TV. My legs were crossed in front of me comfortably and my hands were resting on my knees, waiting for her to carry on I tilted my head to the side allowing my eyes to travel across her face which was partly covered by shadows, her eyes were still bright despite the overwhelming darkness. Her eyes were unfocused as if she was somewhere else, whatever was on her mind she was hesitant about sharing it.

"Hey Lovely, what are you thinking about?" I moved my hand tentatively over to cover hers; I stroked her hand with the pad of my thumb not trying to coax an answer but more to keep her relaxed. She snapped out of her daydream and her eyes focused fully again with keen attentiveness. When she noticed her hand within mine and my attention was fully on her she smiled and my heart skipped within my chest, every time she smiled it chipped away at the boundaries that had always in place inside me. I could help but smile too.

"I spoke to my manager yesterday and he asked me to do something that at first I wasn't very comfortable with." My hands tightened involuntarily and my breath caught in throat. They can't make her do something she doesn't want to do, that's not fair. My brain automatically shot to ways help her to get out of whatever agreements she had made as I promised myself I would make sure she wasn't under pressure to do anything. She continued. "But then I thought about it and I figured that it didn't mean anything and that anything that happened because of it was just faked." I had become completely and hopelessly confused by her words, what the hell was she talking about? What would be faked? My eyebrows must have been furrowed because she mirrored my look of misunderstanding.

"I'm sorry but I have no clue what you're talking about. Just tell me what's going on please." Her hands cleared the small space between us so that they came to rest within my now upturned palms. She gripped them tightly as if to reassure me that everything was okay.

"My manager wants me to date someone within the public eye to increase publicity, but it can't be you." I moved back slightly so that her soft hands slipped from mine, my whole body suddenly became uncomfortable cold. I rose off the bed and shuffled awkwardly over to my cupboards where I plucked my old secondary school leavers hoodie from one of the neatly stacked piles and pulled it over my head quickly. The silence was so thick within the room I could have cut through it with a knife. I was still confused; my brain was starting to physically hurt. Was she breaking up with me? Was that just a confession that she was going to cheat? Who was this someone else? Now all these things made my heart hurt, I pulled on a calm mask and moved once again to perch on the bed. I had so much to ask and yet I couldn't make my mouth form words, it was so frustrating to be powerless within my own body. As if she could sense all the terrifying thoughts drifting around in my head Cara spoke.

"I'm not breaking up with you if that's what you think this is." She said softly almost in a whisper. With that I regained my breathing and sighed in relief.

"So what does this mean for us then? That we can't be seen in public? That we have to keep us a secret?" I was voicing my thoughts aloud not even caring if they went unanswered, I just had to keep my train of thought moving before getting stuck on anything in particular. I was stood up pacing unable to stay in one place for very long. Cara stood up abruptly, I was so focused on myself that the movement made me jump slightly. I stopped talking unsure of what she was about to do, I figured my obsessive talking could make it worse. She didn't stop walking, our bodies collided together and her arms wrapped around me enveloping me, the warmth of her body on mine made everything seem insignificant. I no longer cared about the other someone or having to keep our relationship secret because I was never going to feel as good around anyone else and I hoped that she felt the same. Her head turned so that her lips were lingering close to my neck, I could feel her breath on my sensitive skin, I could feel her leaning her head closer to press her lips on that spot, but there was a knock on the door shattering the moment of anticipation.

She moved back slightly allowing me to move towards the door. I opened it hesitantly still feeling the ghost of Cara's lips on my neck. The hallway outside my apartment was well lit, the walls a deep shade of red and the floors are dark wood. The person stood in front of me blue eyes looking into mine hopefully.

"Oh my God. Charlie?" Shock was evident in my voice; it was clear that she didn't know if I was happy or upset to see her, even I wasn't sure what I was feeling. After a couple of seconds of staring I rearranged my face so that my mouth wasn't hanging open anymore, I smiled genuinely happy to see her.

"Um, I know that I might be the last person you want to see.... but Hi." She was rocking forward and backward slightly on the spot, her hands were dug firmly in her pockets and I could have sworn they were shaking.

"Don't be stupid, of course I want to see you!" She smiled at my words and I moved in and hugged her, it was killing me to see her uncomfortable, she felt cold from being outside so I pulled her by her elbow into the apartment and guided her to the living room. I sat down and she followed suit.

We'd been talking for a good ten minutes when Cara emerged from the bedroom; I was so distracted by Charlie's story that I didn't notice her enter.

"Jess, whose this?" I turned around in my seat; I had told Cara about Charlie, I had told her everything from what Charlie looked like to the time we had spent together. So when I looked at her it was hard to ignore the look etched on her face, I couldn't quite tell what it was.

"This is Charlie, remember I told you about her, she's a friend." Again that look came on Cara's face only this time it was over in a flash, so quick I didn't have time to commit it to memory and figure out what it meant. She looked from me to Charlie before moving to the door and leaving the apartment mumbling about how she needed to go buy some food. I sat for a moment, for the hundredth time this evening completely confused. Charlie broke the silence.

"Well she looked a little jealous." Her voice was light, she was joking of course, but then the look on Cara's face flashed into my mind and I finally knew what it meant. She felt Charlie was a threat and so she bailed. Charlie continued to talk sharing the story she had been telling earlier but I couldn't concentrate my eyes kept flicking back to the door hoping Cara would come back to me so that I could assure her that no one was ever going to be a threat to her. Not now, not ever.