Gentleman's Affair

Undressing or Posessing?

I don't know whether to be offended or proud. Even though I had been embracing such a caustic attitude towards all of this it's taught me that I could control my own fate. "Manipulative, though? I would have went with hot-tempered."

"You hot-tempered? Well..." He shrugs as if he's lost the battle.

I look over to my photography cameras reminiscing on the time where I was just the interned unnoticed. "How I am manipulative?" I ask curiously my voice a bit softened.

"You've used your body against me so it's like I'm submissive under you. It's definitely something I'm not use to."

"This is not some BDSM type of relationship either, Xander," I turn towards him so that he could see my face, "you cannot control me or sexually torture me because it's how you see fit."

He nods his head in understanding. "I don't want to use you. You are not a toy, but you must understand that I am still a man. Something you could always hold against me is sex. Whether I was the Xander in the chat box, or the one you physically see sitting next to you. Even when I was virtually distant with you I could only think about you in one of two ways. Possessing you, or undressing you. Either way that's the only way I knew how to treat a woman."

His explanation is generic just like your average male wanting to simply get into your panties. "I know that's not what you want to hear, but this is the only way I know how to be."

I still wanted him.

"So what about how I feel? What about what I want? Does that matter to you?"

He scrunches up his face as if he's trying to decipher the Understanding Woman For Dummies book. "It's simple. What do I get out of all this?"

"If I told you you get me, what would that suffice? So I must give you something more," he sighs.

"I'm not asking you for the world, Xander."

"I would give you the world if you didn't try to read me like a book."

I roll my eyes as I'm tired of him avoiding his feelings around me. "How is anyone suppose to love you if you don't try and let anyone in?"

He stands up from on the couch grabbing his suit coat and shrugging it back on. "Maybe I'm not meant to be loved. There's a reason why I don't want people close to me, Ellie. It's just love is something that I never understood. The things that I once loved were taken away from me, and I just simply had to move on. What if I loved you and you left? Then what? All of this that would be said would just be apart of the past." Xander runs his hand through his hair anxiously.

I stand up quickly behind him. This is not how tonight was suppose to end like. If anything we could just try again... another day. As always.

"Wait, you're right. I shouldn't push you. I'm sorry." I apologize wrapping my arms around his waist.

I lean my head against his back as I hold back the tears. Even as he is a man, I am a woman. I wanted him because I cared for him. He was afraid no one could love him. Not that I knew what his past was like he never gave away any sign of weakness until recently. It was like emotions and affection were his kryptonite.

We had only left the club a few hours ago and then I felt like ripping off his clothing just to admire his physique. Now we were here in my apartment sitting in silence. Unable to just talk about things as two human beings. I was unwilling to settle as he was. He was justified to being however he wanted to be because it was his right to take the world by a storm.

I run my fingers down his coat and take it off of him slowly. He stands there letting me touch him even though he seems uncomfortable. I walk in front of him placing my fingers on the first button on his shirt. "I already told you to show me," I breathe slowly to make it seem as if I was unaffected by him.